Too funny to keep to myself...
An agent woke me up this morning around 9:30 to tell me they were going to show my house. Fuck! We partied hard last night, and I had to pick up all the beer bottles and towels (we were hot tubbing) and I don't know who the hell was eating corn on the cob over my kitchen sink. The hell? Anyway, I returned the house to normal and ran over to Sheraine's house. She invited me to spend the day with her and family. We hopped in her dad's Winnebago and headed off to the Green River Gorge.
The crew: me, Sheraine, her two daughters Samantha and Josephine, Sheraine's best friend Melissa, neighbor Mark and his son Alex, Sheraine's brother Matt and her dad Darryl. Good crew.
So we decide to hike up to the remnants of an old mining town called Franklin. At the fork in the trail there was a sign pointing to the cemetery. Cool! We found a 1,300 foot deep mining shaft. The mining shaft picture here turned out OK. I set my camera's ISO to 1600, exposure +2, aperture to 2.7 and maxed out the flash output. It looks like you can see the bottom but that's not the bottom. This fucking thing goes down 600 feet below sea level. We were standing on a metal grate having all kinds of fun with this thing. I guess I committed a party foul when I said, "I've never had so much fun with one hole in my life!" Whoops.
When we made it to the cemetery, we saw old tombstones from the 1800s to early 1900s and split up into two groups yelling out the years on tombstones as we would find them tucked away in very deep foliage. All of a sudden, Mark faceplants on top of a tombstone. We had been drinking a few beers but I guess he had gotten a major head start before we even left our neighborhood!
I asked him, "Dude, how much have you drank today?"
So we start heading down from the cemetery and the girls want to hike up to a viewpoint. Mark is walking crooked and we had run out of water. We're 30 minutes from our RV and Mark is shit faced with no water and we were in the sun. So I looked at Sheraine and said, "Shit! I'm worried about Mark and I'm gonna have to get him off this mountain and to some water." I told him that we were out of here. He said he was fine. I said I know where the beer is. He said, "Let's go."
I can't really describe the magnitude of this odyssey getting my buddy...my drunk buddy...off that damn mountain in one piece. So me, Mark, and little Joe start heading down the mountain. And, well...
I guess you just have to see this small clip to get a taste of how truly hilarious this whole thing was. I wish I recorded more of it. I don't think I've laughed more in one day than today. Joe and I were in tears in between scraping him up off the ground, trying to keep him from falling, keeping him away from steep ledges, etc. Mark was fucking SHIT FACED! He busted his mouth and has scratches and cuts all over his shins and arms. He's also got the worst case of stinging nettles ever. You folks down in the South think chiggers are bad, try faceplanting yourself into a patch of nettles. This poor guy....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
I love it when he points down the trail. Anyway, we made it down. When we got into the RV I handed him a bottle of water. He refused mightily and wanted one of my Coronas instead. So I opened a Corona and right before I handed it to him, I did the ol' switcheroo and planted a water bottle in his hand. He didn't notice and damn near drank that whole bottle of water. Then I gave him a beer. He chugged it and passed out on the couch for 30 minutes. HOLY SHIT MY BROTHER!!!