Too funny to keep to myself...An agent woke me up this morning around 9:30 to tell me they were going to show my house. Fuck! We partied hard last night, and I had to pick up all the beer bottles and towels (we were hot tubbing) and I don't know who the hell was eating corn on the cob over my kitchen sink. The hell? Anyway, I returned the house to normal and ran over to Sheraine's house. She invited me to spend the day with her and family. We hopped in her dad's Winnebago and headed off to the Green River Gorge.
The crew: me, Sheraine, her two daughters Samantha and Josephine, Sheraine's best friend Melissa, neighbor Mark and his son Alex, Sheraine's brother Matt and her dad Darryl. Good crew.
So we decide to hike up to the remnants of an old mining town called Franklin. At the fork in the trail there was a sign pointing to the cemetery. Cool! We found a 1,300 foot deep mining shaft. The mining shaft picture here turned out OK. I set my camera's ISO to 1600, exposure +2, aperture to 2.7 and maxed out the flash output. It looks like you can see the bottom but that's not the bottom. This fucking thing goes down 600 feet below sea level. We were standing on a metal grate having all kinds of fun with this thing. I guess I committed a party foul when I said, "I've never had so much fun with one hole in my life!" Whoops.When we made it to the cemetery, we saw old tombstones from the 1800s to early 1900s and split up into two groups yelling out the years on tombstones as we would find them tucked away in very deep foliage. All of a sudden, Mark faceplants on top of a tombstone. We had been drinking a few beers but I guess he had gotten a major head start before we even left our neighborhood!
I asked him, "Dude, how much have you drank today?"
"A lllllllllot!"
So we start heading down from the cemetery and the girls want to hike up to a viewpoint. Mark is walking crooked and we had run out of water. We're 30 minutes from our RV and Mark is shit faced with no water and we were in the sun. So I looked at Sheraine and said, "Shit! I'm worried about Mark and I'm gonna have to get him off this mountain and to some water." I told him that we were out of here. He said he was fine. I said I know where the beer is. He said, "Let's go."
I can't really describe the magnitude of this odyssey getting my buddy...my drunk buddy...off that damn mountain in one piece. So me, Mark, and little Joe start heading down the mountain. And, well...
I guess you just have to see this small clip to get a taste of how truly hilarious this whole thing was. I wish I recorded more of it. I don't think I've laughed more in one day than today. Joe and I were in tears in between scraping him up off the ground, trying to keep him from falling, keeping him away from steep ledges, etc. Mark was fucking SHIT FACED! He busted his mouth and has scratches and cuts all over his shins and arms. He's also got the worst case of stinging nettles ever. You folks down in the South think chiggers are bad, try faceplanting yourself into a patch of nettles. This poor guy....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!I love it when he points down the trail. Anyway, we made it down. When we got into the RV I handed him a bottle of water. He refused mightily and wanted one of my Coronas instead. So I opened a Corona and right before I handed it to him, I did the ol' switcheroo and planted a water bottle in his hand. He didn't notice and damn near drank that whole bottle of water. Then I gave him a beer. He chugged it and passed out on the couch for 30 minutes. HOLY SHIT MY BROTHER!!!
12 comments:
You fuckin' drunk! Looks like a good time, except for the face-plant...
What's that river Paul? Dude, I can see myself ropin some lunkers outta there. Man, that looks like fun...
That's the Green River, dude. Its one of thousands upon thousands of cool little spots in the Cascades. The fly fishermen are out. Come on up. We'll go hook some and tilt back a few. We're a pretty wild crew so you'll feel right at home.
I'm gonna hafta dude. That looks like some serious fun. That's a minor drive too. Rod and reel for sure!
I hope you don't mind if I get drunk first...
Green River, Isn't there a serial killer called the green river killer? Did you find any dead prostitutes?
kerrcarto, yup. That's the same river.
The Green River killer worked for the Kenworth Truck Company, and so did I during that time. I was a materials planner and he was a chassis painter. I knew that son of a bitch! None of us had any idea we were working with a serial killer, and when Seattle PD took this guy out we were freaked out beyond belief. Just wow!
Damn that takes some serious drinking! good think he was dehydrated or he would have piss himself too. Was he drunk when he picked out those pants too? ;D
Hey Paul, how about posting a picture of your buddy's face after taking that spill? I feed off drunken carnage!
Oh, Christ! A face plant into stinging nettle? He NEEDED the beer after that, then! I'll bet it will take forever for all those little hairs to work their way out.
Once, when my second oldest brother was about 8 or 9, he got this idea he wanted a sun tan - don't really remember why. This was when we lived in Idaho. We had this little short flat-roofed shed, one of myriad outbuildings, out back of the house in the horse pen. Stinging nettle, thistles, and other assorted weeds grew around the base of the shed. Anyway, this is where Bruce decided to sun himself. So he climbed up on top wearing just his swim trunks and stretched his beach towel out on the tar paper roof.
So then he fell asleep, I don't know for how long. He woke up with a nice sunburn, and being a little woozy from baking himself, he tripped over his towel and did a belly flop into the foliage. It still makes me wince to think about it.
You're lucky Mark didn't topple down the hole. I don't know how wide it was, but I bet he would have fit.
Hey Peggy! I forgot to add that one of his stinging nettle faceplants included a nice patch of nettles and blackberry bush complete with thorns! Me and little Joe had to unwrap him and then I had to crawl back into the damn bush to get his hat! LOL!!! I've never had so much fun with a drunk in my life, other than myself of course.
Paul: Puncture wounds AND stinging nettle? It must suck to be his face.
Hehehehehehehee... I think the pictures tell the story better than the video.
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