Sunday, March 22, 2009

Choke Canyon

I was going to break this post into the three days that we where there, but we only really spent about 24 hours at the lake, the rest was driving and packing/unpacking. So here is the synopsis of the time on the water and camping.

We loaded the Trooper the night before so we piled in the car and drove the over to The Wife's parents house and figured out who was riding in what. Since my wife had to drive my mother-in-law and her dog Chewbaka (Chewy for short) and my father in law only had room for one I got a car full of kids. The Boy, The Girl and The Cousin. We all headed out and hit SH-173 to Bandera, Texas "Cowboy Capital of the World".

Now when I drive I DO NOT FUCK AROUND! Cruise control on 75 and go. We only stop for emergencies got it? You can pee in a cup. I exaggerate of course, but I DO NOT like to stop. I want to get where I am going to yesterday. Well, I won't bore you with the drive, I loaded up the CD changer and put the petal down. Three hours and twenty minutes later we pull into Tilden, Tx which is where I popped this picture made famous over at the GOC.

We took off from the choke and puke and headed for Calliham State Park which is only about 20 minutes down the road. FINALLY we have arrived. I head into the park HQ with my father-in-law and find out what campsites we have, we picked 200 & 201which turned out to be OK, it was about a 30 yard walk to the water and about the same to the shitters. I started to unload my shit and set up. I dusted everybody else, my camp was done in about 30 minutes. After MFIL and I finished unloading all his shit from the boat and truck (and he brings ALOT of shit) we drove the truck around to the boat ramp and launched it. I backed it in and he and The Other Cousin drove it to the campground. I took some pictures, grilled some brats, drank some beer and went to sleep. Pretty uneventful day.

The next morning we got up and we had a heavy dew over night and of course everything that was not covered was soaking wet, including MFIL who chose to sleep on his cot instead of in the tent (I can't blame him though. Who wants to sleep with a 130lb Golden Retriever and your wife in a two person tent?) and this is where my trip starts to turn to shit. The sun was starting to break from the clouds and I cannot deal without my sunglasses, so I go over to the table and grab them and wipe off the mist. Well when I do that all the mirror finish wipes off with it. FUCK! Gotdamn you Wal-Mart!! This is the third pair that has done that to me from your optometry center and none of them were cheapo shades either. I mean that just fucked my day up. So we eat breakfast and the wife and I drive to Three Rivers about 11 miles one way. I HAVE to have shades no two ways about it. So we get to Super S and all they have a faggoty looking shit but the wife needed some shampoo. Drove over to the Valero station and found a $10 pair that would suffice the wife grabbed a coffee and a paper and we headed for the cash register. The teller rang us up and I reached to grab my wallet, nothing. Shit, I left it at camp under my pillow, fuck! Luckily the wife had $15 bucks on her and she covered it.

When we get back to camp everybody that wants to fish is ready to go, so we get the poles all rigged up for Crappie fishing because the dude at the bait shop said people where limiting out at The 99 Bridge. So we load up the soda waters, German soda waters and just waters and MFIL, The Boy and The Other Cousin head for The 99 bridge in the boat. It is where FM 99 crosses the lake, hence the name. It takes bout 30 minutes by boat to get there so I sat around and drank a couple of beers before the wife, the daughter and I head there by car. We all piled in the boat and putted around looking for a good place to tie-off and fish. Well it turns out that the Crappie fishing sucked! Thanks asshole! I know what he was doing. Selling minnows that's what he was doing.

Anyway, we find a spot in about 12 feet of water and since I only brought my bass pole everybody else fished for an hour or so. I drank beer and was the masterbaiter. After no luck but one catfish we decided to go in a little farther into the slip. We tied off and I was in a perfect spot to chunk a lure around. Three casts and BAM. Bass, and he was a fighter too. I damn near lost him in the trees. Now I was happy. The sunglasses were water under the bridge and I was catching fish. About 4-5 casts later another one, which gained the attention of some rednecks from Odessa who where shore fishing. Well as they made their way closer to us they stumbled across a gator. It was only about a foot and a half long and they tried to catch it with a bass lure. They succeeded in hooking it but it wrapped itself around a tree and headed for the bottom. Needless to say our fishing stopped and we spent the next 20 minutes or so watching these idiots try to land a gator. That is until momma showed up scared the shit out of them and they left. As did we. The wife loaded up the kids and went back to camp while MFIL and I took the boat back to camp.


Whew, back. I had to run to the store and get a sixer. This is turning into a marathon post. Where was I? Oh yeah back at camp.

So we get back to camp and sit around for awhile and drink more beer and The Wife and MFIL head out about 100yds off-shore and are going to check the depth and them come back and get the kids if it is deep enough and the fish are biting, that took them a little over an hour. Boy did we have some pissed kids. They pulled in a dozen or so cat's in that time, so when they came in MFIL had to take The Bot and The Other Cousin out for awhile. Well they sacked them up a good amount also and that ended the fishing. The Wife, MFIL and The other Cousin went to clean fish I seasoned the T-Bones and got a CHARCOAL fire going in the provided grill on the ground. Well it took them longer than hell to clean all the fish and by the time they where done, cleaned up and ready to cook some dinner it was dark and the fire was half-dead. So I went out into the brush and found a log about two feet long and about 3 inches in diameter and I'm pretty sure it was ash and chunked it in.

Well lo and behold here comes deputy dipshit to check out everything walks around all the campsites, chastises a few people and starts to walk away when the smoke from my fire catches his eye. I knew right there that I was in trouble. See CHARCOAL fires on the ground are fine but WOOD fires are forbidden,which I knew, I just thought it was asinine. So Deputy Dickhead trots over and tells me I am in violation of the burn ban which in turn I told him the circumstances that lead up to the wood in the fire. He gave not one shit, told me I should have gone to town and gotten more charcoal. It's 22 FUCKING MILES!! So I tell him just write me the ticket and I'll deal with it later, so I hand him my license and he gets in his truck and fucking drives off. 45 minutes later he shows up ticket and license in hand. I begrudgingly sign the thing and shake his hand and go over and help the kids cook dinner. I was so pissed that I just drank a few alot more beer and called it a night,I didn't even eat, which I guess I should have since I gotta pay $160 fuckin dollar fine. I could have eaten a nice Ruth's Chris Steak dinner and had money leftover! Cocksuckers.

Anyway that pretty much sums it up. We got up the next morning and I had my shit packed and was ready to hit the road by 8:30. Stopped at the Calliham Store to grab a Coke and saw this. He caught that just earlier on Saturday. I did not hear the exact weight. I did hear 15lbs something ounces though! Here is the write up in the San Antonio Paper
So, tired, hungover and in desperate need of a shower and shave, I headed home. All in all it was fun but damn expensive. I forgot that part. An 18 pack and two packs of smokes cost me $30 at this store. The only one for 22 miles. Coincidence? 

Any way here are some pictures.


Hittin Waves

Tha Bass

Tha Pass, PawPaw needed a beer.

Snakes! I Fucking HATE Snakes.

Still had my good shades!

Tha Take



Hammer said...

They say the worst day fishing is better than the best day working..or was that a bumpersticker.

Oh well, that cop was a jizz gurgler but doesn't sound like a bad time overall.

Was an entertaining read anyway.

red collar said...

Sound like a fun trip all around. Right on.

Oh, and if you guys want to check this out...

I salute all three of the cripplets. Cheers!

kerrcarto said...

You rule Red!

Deadman said...

Well shit. I got a ticket too this weekend...and a field sobriety test. Told the fucker I haven't had a drink in over twenty years. So he made me stare at his pen and follow it while he held it up to the sun! Then the dipshit made me get out and take it again because "my eyes were all red and watery". Well no fucking shit, Deputy Holmes! you stare at the sun and see what your eyes do!

Speaking of which, that's a purty sunset!

PeggyU said...

That was fun to read! Sorry it was at your expense, but it made for a good story. :)

Grandpa-Old Soldier said...

You sound just like me when it comes to getting somewhere. I hate to stop. I push it to the limit with my wife and daughter. When I head to Louisiana to me my Mama, they know damn well there are three stops along the way for piss breaks and a snack at the indian reservation, but no they gotta pee after we been on the road for 30 minutes. I don't stop untill they really get pissed off. Great shots, not a bad bass. Cheers.

Claudia said...

Great story and pics. I couldn't follow you, but it's so nice to read it all.

labcat said...

great read. mmmm..crappie. too bad the sales guy guy was an ass. the daughter and i went on a 3 1/2 hr. trip this weekend...didn't stop once...arrived with a blinking gas

you can't burn wood at a campsite? how bassackards.

PeggyU said...

You and CD with the spiders and snakes ... that is funny! I read somewhere that people are either afraid of spiders OR they are afraid of snakes, but usually not both. Maybe it's the multiple legs vs. no legs thing.

FHB said...

Pictures look awesome dude. As far as the cruise on 75 thing, I've been stopped about three times now, about once a week it seems, drivin' to san Saba with my cruise set on about 73 or 4. When i tell them I have my cruise on the fuckers tell me "well then, we agree you were speeding. The speed limit is 70!" Then they print me off a warning and let me go. I mean, do you have to be a total nit picking prick to be a highway patrolman?