Friday, July 31, 2009

Just A Thought

So Chris Dodd is holding a press conference letting everyone know he has prostate cancer.
I just have one thought on that subject. WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!!
I am so sick of these people. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME that is the only thing they know. Hey Chris why don't you hold a press conference explaining your sweetheart mortgage you received as a friend of Angelo.

I hope they have to cut your dick to pieces you fuck.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Motivational Fat Fuck Posters For Paul

This is all I got dude. If I'm up for a couple more hours/beers I might have a few more. I'm fucking tired and not even buzzed yet...

Look at this AssHat!!!

While I sit up here sweating my ass off, the last thing I needed to see was this on Drudge! If only I was witty enough to make a motivational poster. I guess I need a few beers to do that but won't because I've been in detox mode since I left Texas last week. No shit. Don't worry. I promise to never stop drinking for good. So CharlieDelta? Make us a Motivational out of this fat piece of cow shit! Hey Michael Moore! You one Fugly fat piece of stupid white trash. Trust me. I could and would kick your fat ass!!

Kerrville Weather Update For Paul

I just had to poke you with a stick.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What Day Is It?

Gun Free Zones...

Now you can start your own!

Hey Sally you fucking twit, give me your address and I'll send you some of these so you can sleep better at night. Hell, I'll even pay for the fucking shipping!

It always amazes me how these retarded liberals out there think that some stupid fucking "Gun Free Zone" signs are going to keep the people who shouldn't have guns in the first place from bringing a gun to the "zone". Gun free zones are target rich for criminal assholes. It's like shooting fish in a barrell!


Got it from my brother.

Seattle weather update for kerrcarto

Current: Partly Cloudy
Temperature: 100
Wind: N at 1 mph
Humidity: 30%
Are you kidding me??!!!!

I have both my front doors open just to force a breeze through this hot freakin' house!!! All the windows are open. This is how I have to live. Thank goodness the kids aren't back from Utah, yet.

Now before all you southerners start making fun of me you need to understand that we are simply not equipped for this crap, i.e., no air conditioners!!! Dear Lord please take the heat away and give it back to the South!!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Pin Drop

A buddy that I used to work with sent me these. I figured y'all would enjoy them also.

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here?
DeGaulle did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop

When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Barack is the 44th president (unfortunately) and we just hit 44 FOD pictures thanks to The Omnibus Driver


So as it turns out Obama's buddy Gates is crawfishing on his whole "Racist Cop" allegations (the recordings of him being a complete racist jackass has nothing to do with it I'm sure). The dude cites racism and racial profiling, the peeresident opened his gaping piehole and stuck both feet in and it turns out that Gates is the racist. Go figure. Now Obama has to spin this thing or hope some other controversy shows up. Hey Mr. President I have some advise for you. It comes from a great president you yourself cited many times on the campaign trail.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln

Next time try waiting for the facts to come out before you jump on the racist bandwagon. I know that is hard for you to do since you cut your political teeth listening to the bullshit spewed by Jeremiah Wright. But white people are not the racists that you were taught they are. We do not walk around thinking how we can bring blackie down a notch. I see more black racists now than white. By jumping the gun and opening your mouth pissing off most of the nations police force you solidified my suspicions Mr. Peeresident. Abraham Lincoln had you pegged a long time ago. Now let's hope the rest of the nation wakes up.

Oh yea...I almost forgot. FUCK YOU. Not because your black, because you are a socialist communist asshole that is trying to destroy my country. No racism at all. Well, I might hate the white part of you just a little.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

District 9

August 14 release date. Mark your calendars boys and girls. This movie is gonna be BADASS!! Finally a film with some balls.

Here is Alive in Joburg, a short film the movie is based on. It's a very clever way to address the problems facing refugees and illegal aliens and the societies that struggle to accommodate them. District 9 will be a full-length film version of this concept and will probably be a tough watch for some. Should be pretty damn good, though.

An Answer To Paul.

Yes they can. Henry The Puffy Taco rules!
Oh yea, dad took us to see the San Antonio Missions play the Midland Rockhounds last night. It was a nail biter. After 11 innings the Missions lost 5 to 4.

We had fun none the less.

Remember this one?

Can tacos get anymore kick butt than this?

Sunday Metal

Since Denny is on the road, I figured we could pick up the slack.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

What The FUCK Mark?

As I sit here drinking another Greyhound, I am trying to understand what was so bad in your life that you decided to take your own. I don't get it!

What the FUCK!???

I've known your sister for 23 years and your brother in law and I have been best friends for 37. Your family is fucking destroyed man! Destroyed! You don't know the shitstorm wreckage you have left behind with the selfish closing of your gotdamn book! Fuck!

Maybe selfish isn't the right word but that's all I got right now. I guess it's your life and whatever you wanna do with it is your business, but you have no idea what you've done to your family. You have no idea the wreckage you have left behind. NO FUCKING IDEA!

Like I said, I didn't know you as well as others, but I remember when I got my drivers license in highschool I used to take you and Aaron to 7/11 for Slurpies and other junk food after school and you were a happy-go-lucky kid. What the fuck happened?

I never looked down on you for your problems with the junk. I had my own vices and demons in my younger years and I was the last one to look down my nose at you. Your family never did either. They just wanted to help. I did too! I guess I was one of the lucky ones. You didn't want the help or you had too much pride to be open to it and either answer won't help me understand why you chose to end it like you did. I will never fucking understand it.

Fuck, Mark! You have no idea what you have done to your family and friends! Especially to your Mom...

I guess when it's all said and done, it's your life and you can take it if that's what you choose to do. But to stage it for your Mom to find you like that when she gets home from work is FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! She is going to see that image in her head for the rest of her life! Is that what you wanted? Was that planned out? I'm still trying to understand! FUCK!

I hope you're in a better place Mark, but know that you put your Mom in the worst possible place one could ever imagine. I can't imagine the hell that your Mom is in right now...

When I first got word last night that you had passed I was more sad than anything, but after getting the details today I want to bring you back from the dead and kick your fucking ass for what you've done to your family!

That's all I have Mark. Take it for what it's worth.

If my drivel didn't make sense, maybe Joey's percussion will...

I'm in that mode right now...

2009: A Texas Odyssey

What a ride this was. But it's time to climb down this mountain. I have been a nonstop mother fucker since two Wednesdays ago or as Hammer would say, "Bitch, we've been drinking since 9:00........yesterday!!" Would just like to say how very cool it was to see everybody again and meet new faces as well. Good times!!

So y'all wanna know the shit I got into after Blownstar? Well here it goes...

JackieD (you are such a babe I think the world of you!) drives my drunk ass to New Braunfels last Sunday. My buddy Robert grabs my stuff and throws me in the car and we head north to Lake Travis in Austin where our good buddy, Big E, has a sweet pad right on the lake. So we tilt back a few and take some bong hits and then hopped into his Malibu for some lake action. We end up at this party called Titties and Beer!! Bunch of strippers partying down on this party barge and we tie up next to this thing. Guys, there really is no way to describe this party except, well, titties and beer!! I'm in the water and Big Mike yells out, "Hey Jackson! You know what's on that boat? Herpes simplex, Herpes duplex, and Herpes complex!!" ROFL!!!!!!!!!!! My God that was some party. So we head back that night and did our traditional get fucked up and drunkenly sing country songs all fuckin' night!!

Monday was all about swimming in the water, drinking more beer, and riding the jet skis. We grilled some of the most badass fajitas you've ever eaten.

Tuesday rolls around and me, Robert, and Big Mike pack a cooler full of beer and head over to the Salt Lick, the absolute best BBQ you've ever ever ever ever eaten!! So we roll the cooler into the restaurant and proceed to stuff our faces and drink lots of beer!!! Robert and I then head back to New Braunfels for power naps. The evening rolls around and its on again!!! We head over to Gruene for women, whiskeys, beer, and Two Tons of Steel!!! You haven't lived until you go see Two Tons of Steel! So this was my schtick that night, "Honey, I'm from Seattle, and I don't know how to dance." Magic. I danced with so many pretty girls that night you have no idea how much fun I had. I was soaked from head to toe at midnight. Damn what a good time that was. That's what I love about Texas women. They love to dance!!

Wednesday comes and here's the motto, "Why walk when you can float!!!" That's right, we got on our Schlitterbahn!!! ALL DAY!!!!! The absolute best water park in the entire universe. Now I've taken my kids all over the world, and whenever I ask them where they want to go the first thing that comes out of their mouths is SCHLITTERBAHN!!!!!!! 'Nuff said. So we roll back to Robert's pad at the end of the day and his wonderful wife, Angie, has got some homemade stew waiting for us. We get our snack on, take showers, and we're off again. We end up at some sports bar and watched the Rangers sweep the Red Sox. That's right, Boston!! Fuck you mother fuckers. Bunch of fuckin' yankees. Anyway, a really horrible band starts to play and the testosterone starts flowing. You need to know something about me. Put me in a sports bar with whiskey and really shitty music and somebody's gonna get hurt. So Robert and I tear out of that place because the last thing we needed was a bar fight. We end up at another bar where the karaoke was throwing down and we had a most excellent evening.

Thursday is finally here, and it's time for Paul to fly back to Seattle. Absolute depression. Because when I visit Texas I never want to leave. If you don't have a good time in Texas then there is something very seriously wrong with you. Anyway, I pack up my shit and we head over to a really good Mexican restaurant in New Braunfels (I don't remember the name). I walk thru the door and standing in front of me is the most gorgeous Mexican woman I have ever seen. She was tattoed up big time. Man that turns me on you have no idea how much I love that!! I said, "Have you any idea how absolutely gorgeous you are?" She says, "You know what? I'm your bartender today." We ate a fab lunch and ordered three margaritas each. Folks, we crawled out of that mother fucker. She took such good care of us, and I will never forget her. We then drove over to Gruene for some Mai Tais and my annual record store spending spree. This year the annual spree was Lone Star Music in Gruene. Texas music only! And they had a Ziegenbock keg going on. So we walk in and the sweetie behind the counter hands us a cold beer. I walked out with $165 worth of music. Best record shop I've visited.

And that's that. Robert dumps my drunk ass off at San Antonio International and I'll see you next year!! Thanks again, my Texas, for another most awesome experience!!! Cheers!

Why Dude?

WTF Mark? Why did you have to leave so soon? What was your hurry?


I know I didn't know you very well but your family is my family. I saw what they went through and they always did what they could to keep your chin up no matter the cost. I'm crying as I type this, not because you didn't give a shit about your own life, but because they did every thing they could to try and help you and they are hurting right now wondering why they didn't do enough or how they went wrong. I am wondering how and where I fucked up too. Fuck man! Fuck!

I hope you're in a better place, Mark. If you are, please send some love to your family that wishes you were still here. They deserve that much.

That's the least you can do.

See ya on the other side, Mark.

7/1/76-7/24/09. You left way too soon Mark! See ya on the other side man...

Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday Night Rock

Crank this shit!!!!

I'm Alive

Holy shit!!!!!! Just rolled in last night. Lemme get my mind back together for a few and then I'll give you the lowdown before the day is done. You have no idea the magnitude of partyness I have blessed upon my soul these last 10 days!! I have been healed!! Damn I love Texas!! What a badass journey this was!!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Summer Time

He's no cannon-baller but at least The Boy uses both barrels. You have to love that look on his face.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

New Toy

My wife thawed out steaks for dinner this evening and that gave me the perfect excuse to buy a new toy.

My old gas grill (that I have had for about 10 years now) burned out the burner more times than I care to fix anymore, so I scooted on down to Lowes and picked this one up. If it lasts me 10 years than it was worth the $189 bucks.

Of course I called my wife and asked permission before I went and bought it. Just like a good husband should. I know...I know, I'm whipped. But it was her fault for thawing out the steaks in the first place.

Grab The Ankles

If it took Obama six months to pick out a dog for his kids, why do we need to pass a healthcare bill in two weeks?

Oh yea, I remember now.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


How about Fuck Boxer Day? Another holiday I could celebrate everyday. I love how this dude just spanks her around every corner. My brother sent me this via here.

Hey I just wanted to post something so y'all know I made it home alive. I got home around 5pm Pacific Time and immediately hit the sheets with a gallon of water. I slept a full 24 hours off and on except for when I had to get up and get more water and Gatoraid and then it was back to sleep. I slept throughout the night and had to show up for work today where I was completely useless. I think I have drank close to 250-300 ounces of either water and/or Gatoraids since getting home Sunday and have only taken a few leaks. I still feel like I've been run over by a freight train today. I'm going to eat a little dinner, and take a nice long little nap. I probably won't be back around until Thursday or Friday.

Hope everyone made it home safe and I had a great time with everyone. Thank you all for a great four days!


Monday, July 20, 2009


It is a late fuck Obama day today and unfourtunatly I did not get any pictures of peeps flipping the bird to him. But others did. I hit the bed as soon as I got home yesterday about noon and I just got out of bed about 15 minutes ago. I still feel the effects of blownstar but not as bad as yesterday. Fuck me. I'm glad it only comes once a year.

This about sums up the happenings....for us anyway

Cannonball comin atcha!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Some Opeth For Friday...

Oh wait, it's only Wednesday. Well it's Friday for me. Suckers. BWAAAAAAAHAHAHA! Just kiddin'.

I'm packing my bag for Blownstar 2009, crankin' some Opeth at high levels and enjoying a great beer buzz. Sometimes life is good! I just got off the phone with kerrcarto and he's meeting up with Paul and Supergurl tonight for some pre-game partyin'.


Anyways, I got lots of shit to get done. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Catch ya on the flipside...

I love this jam:

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


...TOMORROW!!! Happy Blownstar 2009 mother fuckers!!! I'm leaving here at 3:45 in the morning. I'm so stoked!!! Travel safely my friends.

Which Doctor

Here is your new "Government Run Health Care Czar"

Monday, July 13, 2009



My brother sent me this one today.

So much for this "Citizen of the World" bullshit huh? Yeah, some whiney little bitch out there is gonna call it "racism". That's a given... The typical liberal default mechanism. Tell me something I don't know...

Blame it on whitey! Yeah! That one! He looks guilty! The color of their skin is gonna be their noose! White-to-black racism made a 180 degree turn, but this time it's acceptable for some reason...

Why is that?

This has nothing to do with race... it has everything to do with ignorance and some asshole that knows nothing but a teleprompter. All Hail TOTUS!

I wonder how you say "Fuck Obama Day" in Russian?

The Slide

Here is the video of the kids going down the slide at Mo-Ranch. One of my self taught imovie training lessons. It took me about 20 minutes to put together.
The girl is first and fares pretty well, but the boy looks like a train wreck. Holding your nose does not help you hold on..
How ya like them special effects? Ya think Spielberg is hiring?

Oh yea, sorry about FOD I was kinda swamped.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Nine Years Old

The girl turns 9 tomorrow. So today we are headed out to MO-Ranch. It is a local Presbyterian Camp that is a famous stop here in the Hill Country. Dad created a new map of the place for them and he just traded out for a season pass for us. Thanks Pops! The wife and kids have gone out a few times this summer this will be my first time to join them.

As a teenager we used to drive out and swim and hang out all day for nada. Now they make you pay to get in. I guess they are trying to keep teenagers like me out ;~) We used to get kicked out on a regular basis for jumping of the bridge that crosses the Guadalupe there. It is probably thirty feet off the water a buddy of mine used to do backflips off of it. I never had the balls to try that. I stuck to cannonballs.

It should be a fun trip for the kids. Even thought they have been a few times this summer already this trip will be interesting. The kids recieved their Joe Diver America snorkel and fin sets in the mail the other day and are anxious to try them out, and this is the perfect place. The water is crystal clear even with the natural green hue you can still see to the bottom. This is the headwaters of the North Fork of the Guadalupe. It is spring fed from upstream and most of the water here is over 20 feet deep. Great snorkeling! Big fish! While they admire them from above I'm gonna try and catch one of them sumbitches.

Here is a picture from the bridge. I can't believe I used to jump off from that height!

The slide. The only bad thing about the slide is having to carry the cart that you ride down on, up the stairs to the top.

From the top.

Up the river. This area is what they refer to as the hot tubs the water runs shallow from up river and flows into birdbaths that have eroded over time. It is fun for the kids here. It is like a natural water slide.

Y'all have a great Sunday. We're out the door in about an hour. I have to get my fishing shit together and load the ice chest and the car. Pictures later.

UPDATE: We must have snorkeled for 4 hours today. I am not much of a water person. Give me a snorkle and a mask and that all changes. I love to float and check out the life below. I have pictures of the trip with video goodness of the kids going down the slide. Right now I am sunburned, beat and half drunk. Pictures sometime this week, more than likely next week with blownstar and all. But there will be pictures and video. Promise. Thank all of you for the well wishes. I will pass them on.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


Alas, this will not be on the Blownstar agenda.

A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

Well, crap... Now I forgot what it was.

Evil Walks...

(The socialist) walks behind you. (The marxist) sleeps beside you. (The communist) talks around you. (The socialist) walks behind you...

They're just cryin' wolf...

One Of These Days...

...One of these days...

This is one of my all time favorite sit-around-the-campfire-sing-along-tunes.

You just can't argue with Bon...

Well, you can but you'd be in the wrong...

Friday, July 10, 2009

Another Faith

My favorite Faith No More song. Hands down.

Damn I can remember when my hair was almost that long.

Friday Night Anarchy!!

Back in the day, Faith No More's Mike Patton and Soundgarden's Chris Cornell were my favorite male vocalists. Chris Cornell has still got it but I haven't heard much from Mike Patton over these last several years. I did hear though that Faith No More just got back together. How fucking cool is that? Speaking of Faith No More...

Happy weekend!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I'm sorry but this is fucking hilarious!! At least we know now that he isn't gay. So that pretty much negates the Obama Anti-Christ conspiracy. And check out Sarkozy!!! BWAHAHAHAH!!!

Obama's thinking, "Baby's got back!" Or maybe he's thinking, "I'd like to show you how I fuck the Americans."

American Badass Beer Company

Fuck yeah! My buddy just sent me this article about a new beer born on Independence Day. Yeah I know I'm a week late, but I thought this was cool enough to share.

WILTON, Conn., Jul 01, 2009 (BUSINESS WIRE) ----Drinks Americas Holdings, Ltd. (OTC BB: DKAM) ("Drinks Americas" or the "Company") announced today that on July 4th it will commence brewing and filling kegs for the launch of Kid Rock's "AMERICAN BADASS BEER COMPANY(TM)".

I have never really been into Kid Rock's music, but then again I've not heard much of it, so I don't have anything good or bad to say about it. I do love the idea that the brewing commenced on July 4th. I can't wait to try these suds out. He's creating new jobs for Americans at the same time as producing something that I happen to enjoy in moderation on occasion. (wink) Maybe I'll even buy a CD or two of his now and check it out.

J. Patrick Kenny, CEO of Drinks Americas, said, "We are very excited about the launch date, the beer and all the work that has been put into making Kid Rock's AMERICAN BADASS BEER(TM) a success.

Fuck yeah! Me too!

In addition to his musical activities, Kid Rock has become one of the country's most vocal supporters of US Military personnel serving overseas, making countless trips to provide entertainment and support.

And that's exactly why I have major respect for the dude. I thought he was a little crazy for banging that skank Pamela Anderson, but this guy is 100% pro Military so he's kickass in my book.

Can't wait to try it out!

Rock the fuck on, Kid Rock!

Under the house

Is NOT where I wanted to be today. But the A/C has had a less than stellar showing so far this summer. It got up to 84 in the house the other day and I noticed that when I walked into the kids bathroom the floor was fucking freezing. So I put on my kneepads, donned my long sleeve shirt and crawled under the house to investigate. Not what I wanted to see. The ductwork in that area has gone to shit! I had the A/C freeze up on me last summer and when I thawed the evaporator core and cleaned it all the water from the core ran down into the duct work completely fucking it up. The bottom was broken and one of the seams has completely come apart being rotted out from getting wet. I went down to the local A/C dude and got a piece of duct-board and crawled my ass back under the house. I got the hole obama-rigged half assed patched with ductboard and aluminum tape I am gonna have to crawl my ass back under there this weekend and completely re-work the trunk line from the air handler back to the boy's room. FUCK!

Ya know, sometimes I wish I didn't know how to do this shit and just hire a handy man and say fuck it. But it would be stupid of me to pay someone to fix something that I can fix myself. No? The only problem for me is dealing with the insulation I hate that shit. CD, you would not make it brother. Spiders galore! You will just have to take my word for it because I am NOT hauling my camera under the house. So thanks a shitload house. You ruined my weekend. Asshole.

Oh well I guess it beats having to be in an attic!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


I bought my first handgun on my 21st birthday. It was the Ruger P-89 and I loved it. I had fired a few 1911's back then and couldn't hit shit so I wanted to go with the 9mm Euro-sissy-round and see the difference. I could hit what I was aiming at but the knockdown power just wasn't there. Fuck that! Naive young lad...

Never again.

I bought my Sig P220 in '01 and that thing has never failed me. Granted, the P-89 never failed me either because Dad taught me gun cleaning discipline early on, but I'm so much happier with the P220. I want knock-down-dirt-nap results and .45 ACP does it. Lights out asshole!

Next purchase is going to be a Kimber Ultra Carry II. That thing is just nice all around and ambidextrous ta boot! I knew Dudley1 was cool after he told me he was in his Right mind...

Congratulations! Give yer Grandson Stag a high five for me would ya?

Gun it.

Golden, CO – The Coors Brewing Company announced today that they will soon begin offering Coors Light in a new “shotgunnable can” that will feature a second tab on its side to allow for easy shotgunning.

oors is aiming to rid binge drinkers of the tedious burden of searching for the air pocket in a can of beer before it’s punctured, as well as eliminate the possibility of a punctured beer spraying out all its beer before it can be shotgunned.
With the innovation, Coors is aiming to rid binge drinkers of the tedious burden of searching for the air pocket in a can of beer before it’s punctured, as well as eliminate the possibility of a punctured beer spraying out all its beer before it can be shotgunned.

Like killer dude. I haven't shotgunned a beer since high school.

I think I'll pass. But hey..whatever floats your boat.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lights Out!

I'm not sure when this went down, but I found it in my inbox today with a bunch of other stuff that was sent to me over Independence Day weekend.

:10 seconds into the match at the 8 Seconds Saloon. How cool is that?

I would've rather seen the commentator on the right get his clock cleaned but a double KO is good with me. Throw a Sharpton KO in there and I would pay some very good money to see it. Hell, I'll even buy the popcorn!

We have sunk to a new low...

Today, America celebrates mourns the life death of a pedophile, child molesting pervert. It's all the cable news networks can talk about. It's on all of the news web sites. It will be all over network news tonight. It has been the biggest news topic since this child fucker died. ad nauseum. Over 1 million people signed up for the funeral ticket auction. LA is spending millions of dollars for funeral security. This in a city that is FUCKING BANKRUPT!!! And speaking of bankrupt, so is America morally. I am ashamed. All the Black folks are proud of him. Imbeciles. He hated being black. If he didn't, then why did he bleach his face white and artificially inseminate a woman with white people sperm? This country is literally out of its fucking mind. Meanwhile, Cap & Trade passed the House of "Representin'!" And nobody wants to talk about that.

Go ahead, America, wallow in your filthy ignorance. This American will have no part of it.

CD, I'll have one of those grats now.

Hey Asshole...

I've lived here going on six years now. Since then, I've watched you shoot me the stink-eye. If you don't like the smell of my grats you can cross the street and take yer fuckin' shitty attitude with you.

I was here before you asshole..

Monday, July 6, 2009

Need to know

Do you think a keg of Shiner Bock will be enough?


BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Somebody took us seriously.

Stolen from here.


Michael Jackson to be buried without his brain.

Huh...I thought that happened years ago....fucking weirdos.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

For Kerrcarto

Shiners were dropping like flies in The San Fernando Vally, Mexifornia.


That is all...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Beer update

I need to report in that I just woke up with an open beer in hand and in the upright position!!! No spillage!!! The beer was about three-quarters full!!! Take that mother fuckers!!!

Happy Independence Day

Like I told supergurl last night. I refuse to call this the 4th of July anymore. It is INDEPENDENCE DAY. Not only a holiday to BBQ, drink beer and pop fireworks, but a holiday to remember the 56 men that had the balls to commit treason and tell King George III to go fuck himself. Can you imagine what that had to be like? I think Benjamin Franklin had a pretty good idea of what was to come when he told everyone "Gentleman we must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately" He knew that telling the most powerful man in the world to take a flying fuck would mean death. That took some serious juevos because eight days later on August 12th 1776 the fight was on. If we only had leaders of that caliber these days we would not be in the mess we find ourselves. Ever since FDR this country has betrayed her values and sacred honor. Those 56 men would be ashamed of us.

So when you are out today please remind people that this is not some pyrotechnic drunkfest. But the day that a handful of men took their lives in their own hands and signed a miracle that changed the world.

If you are in need of some reading material. Go buy every book on this page.

UPDATE: We just went to the fireworks stand and some dooshnozzle pulled in with an Obama sticker on his car. A so called "Texas Democrat". Mother Fucker. I wanted to smash his car but instead just made sure to park next to him so he could see me tell The Boy fuck Obama ( I try to hold my tongue in front of him but I have my breaking point). And believe me I mouth the words so there is no mistaking of what I said. I got out of the car gave him a go to hell look and went inside. He never came in.

Friday, July 3, 2009


Happy Independence Eve!!

I love it when July 4 lands on a Saturday!! Family and friends, BBQ, fireworks, loud fucking music, Old Glory flying high, and lots of beer!!

Thank you to all our brave men and women who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom. God bless you all!!

This is a video tribute to the Blue Angels. The video was made back when they were flying the A-4 Sky Hawks. Music by none other than Van Halen "Dreams." Crank this shit and watch the masters of the sky!

Thursday, July 2, 2009


A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder On Michael Jackson’s Death…
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Deep stuff hey?

I nearly cried when he said “. .. . . . .. .. … .. .. . . .... ....”

Happy Birthday My Blog Brothers!

Today we are officially 1yr. old. Fuckin’ A! That year went by really quick and I’ve had a blast blogging with you brothers from other mothers. Where did all the time go? You guys rule and I couldn’t think of two other dudes I would rather blog with.

Thank you blog-Daddy GrouchyOldCripple & blog-Mommy Supergurl (I can't link you for some reason blog-Mommy). I’m looking forward to seeing you two in a couple weeks!

And thanks to those of you out there that read and comment on our drunken randomness too! You keep me motivated!

Paul posted the first post one year ago today. I knew it was before Independence Day but I wasn’t so sure how much before so I went back through the archives to the start and laughed my fucking ass off! He pretty much nailed it with the description (except the nudity part). I must’ve stayed up until 3a.m. drinking beer and reading some of the earlier posts and comments while LMAO. I'm laughing at the thought of how much I was laughin'. Good times!

Anyways, Happy Birthday Bro’s! Can’t wait to tilt a few back with you guys in a couple weeks. Rock on motherfuckers!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

At least not all of Minessota is crazy.

I don't know why idiots or how acorn Al Frankenfurtersucker got elected to sit as a senator from Minnesota. But at least all of you are not morons.

Someone Get Mike Hamilton A Beer!

Mike fucking rules!

My Uncle Jim sent me this article about some bad ass dude up in Washington state who tells it like it really is and isn't afraid to tell it! Mike Hamilton, can I shake your hand and buy you a beer? You definitely deserve it. The next time I'm driving north into Washington state, I'll have my camera at the ready and will be looking forward to more ignorant assholes not liking the truth.

I have to say, I love the liberal header; "Lewis County billboard causes controversy".
-What's the controversy? An American farmer in the Pacific Northwest exercises his First Amendment Right and that's controversial? Why? Is it because liberals don't want anything to do with facts? The truth sometimes hurts? WTF is it?

LEWIS COUNTY, Wash. - A long standing controversial billboard in Lewis County is once again garnering attention.
-As it should garner Lot's of attention but why is it "controversial"? Again, you liberal assholes choose to ignore the truth so that automatically makes it "controversial" in some way or another. Mike doesn't mince words. Hey Mike, can I buy you a beer and shake your hand sometime? Awesome!

The latest message is raising deep concerns in the local Hispanic community. The grinning face of Uncle Sam is what drivers usually see first. Then the written message on the billboard near I-5 gets clearer:
-Raising concerns in the local Hispanic community? It should raise concerns (and should've 20 years ago). It should've raised concerns from Americans that are tired of the Mexican invasion and the greedy fuckers that employ them. You're gonna call yourself a "hispanic community" instead of an American Community? If you are so fucking proud of your heritage, more than you are about this heritage and this culture, how about you get the fuck out of here and be proud of wherever the fuck you came from while you eat dirt and drink piss on the return flight. Fuck you!

"No Mexican Olympic teams?? All the runners and swimmers are here!"

Owner of the billboard Mike Hamilton, who did not want to go on camera, says he's trying to deliver a serious message on illegal immigration -- but in a funny manner:

"I wanted to use humor to draw attention to illegal immigration," he said. "My goal in the sign is to stir things up and inspire people to educate themselves about the subject."

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I found it quite humorous and yeah, it does bring attention to the subject at hand...

"Very hurtful - I am Hispanic and I'm proud of it and that's really wrong," said Adelina Petersen, resident."
-Well I'll tell you what Adelina Peterson, you can go piss up a fucking rope. You can go fuck yourself! If you're "hispanic" before you're an American you should be immediately deported without question. If you pledge allegiance to wherever you're from before you Pledge Allegiance To The United States of America then you should be deported without question. Fuck. You!

In 3D

I had a pretty light day today. So I loaded up the kids and went to see Ice Age Dawn Of The Dinosaurs in 3D.
I have to say. 3D technology sure has come along way since I was a kid. The specs you wear look like tinted George McFly specials. No more red and blue lenses and the movie has no blue and red colored lines surrounding the scenery. This new stuff JUMPS off the screen. You can even see objects seemingly come from your peripheral vision, and the depth perception is awesome.

The movie was good also.
Funny. No lude parts and no cussing (they hear enough of that at home). Go check it out. In 3D of course.