I just got home from work and checked the mail and couldn't believe there was a Christmas card in the mailbox from Tiger and his beyotch. I was so excited that I thought I would share:
Funny! Just read that Jesper Parnevik introduced the two (she was the Parnevick's nanny) and he said, "...I really feel sorry for Elin, since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."
Perhaps this was just a kinky sex-thing that went a bit overboard. It's not hard to imagine her in thigh-high boots, black leather bustier grasping some wood...
Why the hell would a guy with money like Tiger Woods want to marry a 'super model' in the first place? What are the odds of that ending anywhere but divorce court? All we need now is a made for TV movie about this and his life is complete! Money can't buy happines, but it will by god rent it!
FOD is the brainchild of Paul, who hates Mondays almost as much as he hates the Cooncracker. You don't have to fly the one fingered salute. But it helps. Send your picture to gravdigr@cebridge.net Put FOD in the subject line.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Sir Winston Churchill
To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
~Homer Simpson
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~W.C. Fields
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ~Benjamin Franklin
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. ~Hunter S. Thompson
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra
Here's to a long life and a merry one A quick death and an easy one A pretty girl and an honest one A cold beer and another one! ~Author Unknown
Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. ~W.C. Fields
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this.... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
~Cliff Clavin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
~ Dave Barry
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
~Henny Youngman
Our Lager which art in barrels Swallowed be thy drink At home, as it is in the tavern Forgive our spillages As we forgive those who spill against us Lead us not into incarceration But deliver us from hangover For thine is the beer, the bitter and the barley. Barmen ~The Beer's Prayer
Alcohol May Be Man's Worst Enemy
But The Bible Says Love Your Enemy
~ Frank Sinatra
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink…If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen. - Charles Bukowski
The liver is evil and must be punished. - Author Unknown
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. -Homer Simpson
Write drunk; edit sober. - Ernest Hemingway
I take every day one beer at a time, one beer every sip at a time. - Dennis Leary
Alcohol doesn't solve your problems...but then,neither does milk. - W.C. Fields
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." ~ Dave Barry
11 comments:
OMG...Laughing my ass off over here!
Damn it. You shoulda put a disclaimer in the title. Now I have to clean a mouthful of coffee off my computer monitor.
WHY would anyone cheat on a woman that looks like that? What a dick.
Dude, that is some funny shit!
Funny! Just read that Jesper Parnevik introduced the two (she was the Parnevick's nanny) and he said, "...I really feel sorry for Elin, since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."
lmao! she's gorgeous and she can kick ass. why would he cheat on that? dumbass
Pretty is only skin-deep - maybe she is a bummer in bed. Geez, men, get a grip!
Perhaps this was just a kinky sex-thing that went a bit overboard. It's not hard to imagine her in thigh-high boots, black leather bustier grasping some wood...
Why the hell would a guy with money like Tiger Woods want to marry a 'super model' in the first place? What are the odds of that ending anywhere but divorce court? All we need now is a made for TV movie about this and his life is complete! Money can't buy happines, but it will by god rent it!
What's important is that he was NOT drunk when he backed up in that tree.
I put my money on both of them being on prescription drugs...
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