Dude, your post below reminded me of this. I know it is old, but it is still funny as shit.
A Texan Moves North
It's 5:00PM. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful.
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in my life and loved it. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. later a snow plow came along and accidentally covered up the driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver waved and smiled. I waved back and shoveled again.
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temp has dropped to 11 degrees. Several tree limbs have snapped in the snow. I shoveled the drive again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came again. Now the snow is a brownish-grey.
It warmed enough today to cause slush which froze again when the temp dropped. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 to a chiropractor. Nothing broken. More snow.
Still cold as hell. Sold the wife's car. Bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyways, considerable damage. Another 8 inches of snow last night. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling for me. The got-damn snowplow came twice today.
It's 2 fucking degrees outside. More fucking snow. Not a tree on our property hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the fucking house down. Managed to put out the flames but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands plus lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room and totalled it.
More motherfucking got-damn white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fucking mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that fucking snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner till I shovel. Power still off. Roof has started to cave in.
Six more fucking inches of fucking white shit and fucking sleet and no tellin' what the fuck else fell last night. I wounded the fucking snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. The car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't feel my fucking toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More white shit forecast. Wind chill is 22 below. Fuck this! I'm moving my ass back to Texas.