Was anybody else drunk enough last night to watch Joe Biden at the Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner? Well if you missed it I got good and loaded (just trying to help make it funny) and watched the snoozefest. The only time he got laughs was when the audience was prompted that dude has no comedic timing at all. Here are just a few of the knee-slappers that you missed.
On St. Patrick's Day: "You all know St. Patrick is credited with banishing snakes from Ireland. But you guys know the truth, sometimes. There were never any snakes in Ireland. St. Patrick just made that up. Which explains why he's the patron saint of FOX News."
On Republican complaints that the health care bill is 2,022 pages long: "Put yourself in their spot. Just ask Sarah. That's a hell of a lot to write on the palm of your hand."
On the economic recovery act: "Republicans keep saying it hasn't created a single job. Well, tell that to Senator Scott Brown."
On the broadcast media: "I admire the skills required to be an anchor, a commentator, a talking head. I think you've got a pretty tough job. But occasionally I'm surprised by your lack of self awareness -- for example, when Dick Morris is quick to point out every time I put my foot in my mouth. Well, Dick, at least it's MY foot." (Morris was embroiled in a toe-sucking sex scandal with a prostitute back in the '90s.)
On his diplomatic dispute with Israel over the construction of new housing in East Jerusalem: "I just got back from five days in the Middle East. I love to travel, but it's great to be back in a place where a boom in housing construction is actually a good thing."
On meeting with Tiger Woods at the White House: "The job does have some perks, like when Tiger Woods came to see me and gave me some tips. Hey guys, they were golf tips."
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JOE OMG THAT WAS FUNNY!...really the one making fun of the bad economy was fucking hillarious. Then you perfectly transition into the comedic genius of making fun of a bill that will destroy our constitution and try to trash a lady that handed you your ass in a debate and was one hell of a lot funnier than your ass....on Leno. Ooh ooh and trashing St. Patrick that was pure genius (that one did not go over well..crickets). And the way you made fun of our Isreali allies had me in stitches, I almost peed myself. Other than that it was a borefest Joe. You need to fire your joke writer.
If you have 13 minutes of your life to waste. Here is the video. What a fucking tool.