An award ceremony is scheduled this week at the White House. Emperor Cooncracker will be presenting the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Michael Chertoff. Afterward, there is going to be a televised group molestation pat-down complete with rubber gloves and personal lubricants to demonstrate that it's not really so bad after all. Also there will be a slideshow of scanned porno x-ray images of TSA's favorite kids. Refreshments will be served after the fun, and another Burn the Constitution after-hours party is expected over at DNC headquarters. So tune in to Channel 69. Viewer discretion is advised.
And you all knew this was coming. SNL never lets us down!
FOD is the brainchild of Paul, who hates Mondays almost as much as he hates the Cooncracker. You don't have to fly the one fingered salute. But it helps. Send your picture to gravdigr@cebridge.net Put FOD in the subject line.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Sir Winston Churchill
To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
~Homer Simpson
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~W.C. Fields
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ~Benjamin Franklin
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. ~Hunter S. Thompson
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra
Here's to a long life and a merry one A quick death and an easy one A pretty girl and an honest one A cold beer and another one! ~Author Unknown
Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. ~W.C. Fields
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this.... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
~Cliff Clavin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
~ Dave Barry
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
~Henny Youngman
Our Lager which art in barrels Swallowed be thy drink At home, as it is in the tavern Forgive our spillages As we forgive those who spill against us Lead us not into incarceration But deliver us from hangover For thine is the beer, the bitter and the barley. Barmen ~The Beer's Prayer
Alcohol May Be Man's Worst Enemy
But The Bible Says Love Your Enemy
~ Frank Sinatra
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink…If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen. - Charles Bukowski
The liver is evil and must be punished. - Author Unknown
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. -Homer Simpson
Write drunk; edit sober. - Ernest Hemingway
I take every day one beer at a time, one beer every sip at a time. - Dennis Leary
Alcohol doesn't solve your problems...but then,neither does milk. - W.C. Fields
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." ~ Dave Barry
An award ceremony is scheduled this week at the White House. Emperor Cooncracker will be presenting the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Michael Chertoff. Afterward, there is going to be a televised group 
1 comment:
That's great . I knew SNL would be rippin' on the TSA.
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