Friday, December 30, 2011
By the way, you're all invited. I fucking love this, but I'm glad I won't be at this party. ROFL!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
To clarify for peeps who have not experienced the true Blownstar on the range. We fucking rage for 2-3 days with a keg of Shiner Bock and various mixed drinks. Red solo cup is out in force. And Freddy Mac can kiss my ass. Love it.
Yes, I will admit I am on Facebook. I signed up a couple years ago and thought it was pretty lame, but then I really liked the picture sharing part of it. For all these years I would email pictures to various people but every time would forget to “cc” someone and they would get all butt hurt about it. I liked how with Facebook I didn’t have to remember who to email pictures. In fact I wouldn’t have to email pictures anymore at all, unless someone not on Facebook wanted to see them. It was great. Now, there is no excuse not to have copies of my pictures because all someone has to do is go to my page and copy the ones they want. It’s brilliant and saves me the trouble which is why I think it’s brilliant. I still like that part of Facebook, but that’s about it. The rest is a colossal waste of time. No, I’m not Facebooking all day. No, I don't post everyday all day long about what I'm doing. No, I don't post using magic fairy dust, my cat’s ass, or my mobile phone and I can promise you that I never will. No, I am not in need of a 12-step program to kick that Facebook habit, although I know some people that probably do. No, I do not have an iPhone, nor do I want one. If I did though, I guarantee that I would not “follow” you narcissistic motherfuckers on shitter twitter. I don't even want internet capability on my mobile phone and I’ll tell you why:
- I don't need to be connected to the internet every fucking hour of the day. For 30+ years I got along just fine without it. There is something in life called physical literal human interaction. This is where people can see each other, talk to each other face to face and look each other in the eyes when they interact. They can even touch each other if they wanted to. Back in the stone ages, it was how everyone went about their lives amongst other human beings, and met new people and got to know people and shit. You know? They would actually take a shower, get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair and leave their home on a great adventure into the real world. Maybe they would go to the bar and have a few rounds, or walk around the mall window shopping, or maybe go to the park and feed the ducks; lots of different things besides sitting in front of a fucking computer every free moment of every day. I know it's old fashioned and complicated for some people, but it really is nice to get out of the house and interact with friends and even strangers every now and then. It gives you that "human" feeling inside, and that’s rare these days. I don’t know too many people anymore that I would even consider human. They’re more like robotic brain-dead assholes that just use up space and oxygen, cause traffic jams and long grocery store lines, and waste my time with endless conversations about themselves until it all becomes too much for me and I walk away telling them to go fuck themselves. Life is too short, and I don’t ever want to be one of those assholes.
- I need a break from the information overload or I'm going to lose my fucking mind one of these days. Blogging, Facebooking, emailing, commenting, texting, voicemailing, when does it end? I really don't need to know that very second when some politician tries blowing smoke up the American people's asses, or some Hollyweird slut goes to rehab for the 15th time. Maybe if that politician or that slut blew their brains out on live TV I would want to know because good news is hard to find these days. One thing that makes me want to delete my Facebook is having to see this up-to-the-minute reporting that some narcissistic asshole thinks we give a fuck about. Hey retard, it might be hard for you to comprehend in that big head of yours, but no one really cares if you're "enjoying coffee" or are "at the gym" or are "in a relationship." Big fucking deal! Why don't you just post the next time you're taking a shit? At least that would be more exciting and interesting than your boring and pathetic life on Planet Facebook. And if I get one more fucking 5-year old recycled email from some asshole or a fucking text that ends with me having bad luck for the next 6 years if I don't "forward it to at least 6 people in the next 6 minutes" I am going to unload some .00 buck into this monitor, flush my cell phone down the crapper, and run over 6 people in the next 6 minutes! Take your bad luck and cram it up your ass, motherfucker! Or jump off the highest building you can find. Whatever you do, stop sending me this shit! It’s out of control!
- These fucks on twitter are more of the same narcissistic pieces of shit that need an ass kicking of a lifetime, for the rest of their lifetime. I mean, who besides the egotistical Hollyweird dumb shits think that people really give a flying fuck what they are doing during the day or night? What club they’re doing a bunch of blow in or what $600 dollar pair of jeans they just bought? But it’s not just the egotistical shitbags in Hollyweird. You would be surprised how many nobodys there are out there completely in love with themselves and actually think the world revolves around them, or the world cares if they nibbled on a 12 ga. and pulled the trigger in true Kurt Gobang style. It boggles my mind when I think about how many of these conceited motherfuckers are out there because it seems like I know a lot of them. It's an all-out epidemic and it’s only getting worse.
WTF! Are you kidding me? Follow her on twitter? She does pedicures and manicures for a living and she lives with her dog in a mediocre apartment at the beach for Chrissakes! No offense to anyone that does pedi’s and mani’s for a living, but BIG fucking deal! Maybe if she was actually doing something remotely interesting, but pedicures and shit? I would rather watch Guatemalan Midget Wrestling or read, “1001 Ways To Knit A Turtleneck For Your French Poodle” from cover to cover. Jeebus! She was hot when I met her 15 years ago, but age and gravity have gotten the best of her these last few years, so why in the fuck would I follow her on twitter? Even if she was dancing on a brass pole, why in the fuck would anyone follow her on twitter? We had been pretty good friends for at least 15 years, but that was the final straw for me. What a conceited little twat! I deleted her from my phone and will never call her again. Not even on those horny late-night drunk-dialing adventures. That insane bitch is done. What I really should've said to her when she first mentioned iPhones and me “following” her was something like,
"Tell you what Tanya, how about this: Phuck your iPhone, fuck your twitter, fuck your tweets, fuck the beach, fuck your narcissistic and egotistical twat little self, fuck your pedicures, fuck this meaningless friendship, and fuck you! Cram your twitter and your tweets up your fucking twat, ya dumb bitch!Do you think that’s a little harsh? A little over the top? I toned it down a bit because I know this is a family blog. I don't know. Maybe I've already lost my mind and don't realize it? Maybe the "information superhighway" that Al Bore invented back in the ‘90’s has finally left me 2 tacos short of a combination plate. I haven't smoked a bowl since the first part of October and I know that has a lot to do with my angst and lack of tolerance for anything or anyone these days, but damn; these “look at me, I’m special” cretins that walk amongst us, work with us, get drunk with us, live in our neighborhoods or live with us, and the social networks that feed the disease really has me wanting to move to the middle of fucking nowhere with no internet, no cell phone (or any phone), no television, no politics, no paved roads, no subdivisions, no fast food chains, no grocery store chains, or any fucking chains at all.
And please feel free to tweet that any time."
The day that I break out of here is going to be a milestone day. A day to celebrate with a big fat joint and a big Fuck You! The day I can look back at this shit and laugh about it, I’ll know that I can finally sing, “Breaking the chains around me, nobody else can bind me, take a good look around me, now I’m breaking the chains.”
Sorry, I was a Dokken fan in the ‘80’s and I just had to throw that in there somehow.
Z-man, my brother from another mother is one of these fuckers who Facebooks from his iPhone and now he says he is following some of these motherfuckers and dumb sluts on Twitter when he's "bored". Dude, if you're bored do something constructive like kick a liberal's ass, or buy a firearm, or kick a liberal in the nuts. That would be constructive and productive and rewarding at the same time. Z-man emailed me this link last night and without looking at what it was I clicked on it. Sure enough it was some douche on Twitter that he follows. I have to admit, some of what this guy writes is hilarious, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna start checking in on this shit for new material. Those of you that already Shit and Twit and Tweet and Twat that's your deal. It doesn't affect me one bit if that's what you do, I just think it's stupid, retarded and useless. Like liberals. I have to admit though, this one was pretty fuckin' funny.
I went to a friends house yesterday and she said "make yourself at home," so I masturbated on her couch, made a sandwich and left.BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I really don’t know where I was going with this or how I was going to wrap it up, but it’s damn near 02:00 right now and I’m tired as fuck. Me and Pops are going to kill some trout at Lake Morena this morning and we’re picking up my good buddy Z-man at 07:00. One more beer and I’m hitting the sheets. 05:30 is gonna come fast.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
I bought my first stripped lower receiver at the Crossroads of the West show here in 2006 after I ran into a buddy of mine from work that told me about the booth selling them. Since then, I have built a second one for myself and seven others for friends of mine. When I got mine I paid $289.00 + $25.00 for the FFL transfer. It seemed reasonable at the time, but damn....$49.95?
Building the lower was a bit of a challenge for me the first time, because I didn't have the tools that are made to make it easy. I hadn't heard of them before, and I didn't know anyone that had put one together before, so I ended up losing a few springs and detents in the process before I ordered the tools (and lots of extra springs and detents.) Those of you that have put lowers together before know which springs and detents I'm talking about. Patience is needed for the lower assembly process, or you will not have a good time. And buy extra springs and detents. They're fucking cheap as hell, and you're gonna lose a few if you've never done it before. Trust me.
Anyways here it is almost six years, nine builds, and endless beers consumed later and lowers are going for $49.95. What a deal! I'm thinking about buying one for my dad even though he doesn't really want one. I loved putting models together as a little boy and now I love putting rifles together, so maybe I'll buy a third one for myself just because I can; and just because I know liberal pukes don't like it. I mean damn, for $49.95 I'd buy one just to use for a fucking paper weight.
Here is my first lower after installing the trigger kit and before I decided I wanted a different collapsible stock. I was waiting for my tax return to be deposited in my account before I could afford the upper that I wanted. I borrowed the magazine from a buddy of mine just so I could function check the magazine release and because it just looks so fuckin' scary to the liberal pussies out there.
This one on the right is the second lower that I built for myself. It has the trigger kit installed but I gave the stock I had for it to someone that couldn't pay for one at the time. I think I was waiting for my new stock to arrive in the mail, or maybe hadn't even ordered it yet. Doesn't matter. I got this lower in 2008 when my buddy Z-man finally got his shit together and decided that he should build himself an AR-15. I went to the gunshow with him and ended up buying another one for myself, which is a good thing as far as I am concerned. Fuck it. Why not?
Here we have mine after I received my Federal tax return and blew it all on the upper receiver and completely the rifle. I had been reading all about the gas piston system in these newer upper receivers and I read nothing but good things about them so I had to have one. Sure they cost more, but you get what you pay for most of the time. This particular upper is a POF 'Predator', 18" barrel with 7/1 twist. That was the most expensive component that I bought for this particular rifle, but I'm glad I did. After tax I think it was $1800 or so, but I work my ass off to afford myself little treats here and there, and this was one of em. The rear sight is a folding 'combat sight' from Troy Industries. That was $180.00. The holosight is an EOTech but I don't remember the model or name. It was a low-end model that cost around $250.00. Let's just say it's a piece of shit. It's basically on there for photo ops and nothing else, because I don't like those holosights very much. I'm pretty fucking good with iron sights, and if I want optics for my rifle, I'm going to invest in a nice laser range finding scope and some night vision once I have money again. The collapsible stock was around $70-$80. These are just ballpark numbers, since I don't remember exactly what I paid. I've bought a lot of different shit for a lot of different rifles and it's hard to remember all of it. When this rifle was all said and done, I paid somewhere from $2600-$3000 for it, but I didn't shop around much either. I found something and I bought it. I don't have the patience for shopping around. When I want something I don't want to have to wait for it, so I pay a little (or a lot?) more for the convenience of getting it right then and there. My buddy Jeff built his AR for a total of $700-$750, and he built himself a nice rifle. If you have the right connections and find deals like Palmetto's here, you can build your own AR-15 for under $600.00 and still have a rifle that's gonna drop zombies when the time comes.
What the fuck are you waiting for?
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
WTF? Either some guy is the fugliest motherfucker on the planet and has never been laid because of it, or he is one of the horniest and hard-up motherfuckers on the planet, had the worse case of blue balls known to man and didn't have the time to troll for a whore that night. Something just seems out of whack with this whole story.
What. The. Fuck! Breaking into a porn shop like this jerkoff did is a sign of extreme desperation, but also takes a lot of balls to do in the first place, but if you're that fucking desperate to risk getting a felony and doing time so you can "release some liquid tension",why wouldn't you at least grab some cash while you're there? Or some shit that will net you cash? Seems like a lot of trouble to go through with a hell of a lot of risk involved to just leave with one item, even if it is "Mega" and retailed at $800*.
I tried putting myself in this guys shoes and what I would've done if I was that desperate, but it wasn't easy. I've had my share of dry spells, but I can't begin to fathom ever getting so worked up and whacked to wanna fuck some hole made of "lifelike" rubber or "phantom skin", much less break into some porn store to steal one. Call me old or just plain out of touch with the modern day world, but I would prefer to jerk off the old fashioned way thank you.
But for arguments sake, let's just say it was a full moon one night, I had been drinking Shiners all day long in the hot sun and there were no barbeques around for me to molest, so I hatch a brilliant plan to go steal a $800 Mega Masturbator from the local porn shop that I heard about from one of my Dungeons and Dragons opponents. I would've at least grabbed some shit to sell on Craigslist or at the swap meet since I was already there racking up a felony. I mean, what would I have to lose? I would've grabbed a few hand-fulls of dvd's. Or a few strings of beads. Maybe a vibrating butt plug with matching G-spot stimulator. A 5 gallon bucket of grape-flavored lube possibly. How about a King Kong Dong for a Christmas stocking stuffer? I mean something. Anything.
Nope, not this guy. This fucking guy knew exactly what he wanted and that's all he apparently needed. He was in and out and done faster than a high school jock with his date in the back of a car on prom night. He didn't evade all the cameras though. I guess one angle captured the money shot! He must have already had his own lube or something like that because none was reported stolen. Maybe the Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 is self-lubricating? If it isn't it should be. For $800 that bitch better lubricate itself!
How long did he case the joint? You know, to observe the closing routine and how long it usually took, the possible witnesses at surrounding businesses and the amount of traffic at particular times of the night, the procedure of locking up and setting the alarm, and where the cameras were placed in and around the building. This must've been just like the $19 million Dunbar Armored heist by Allen Pace III in 1997, except it will go down as the Adult Mart $800 Mega-Masturbator Heist of 2011.
The police report is here. How could you write that report without cracking up the entire time? I'm sure it wasn't easy for Officer Jeffrey A. Yusko. I bet this incident spread to police departments across the country quicker than a case of the crabs at a Tijuana night club.
I guess when it's all said and done, I have to laugh and at least give this mentally fucked up individual some credit for getting away with the crime and evading police capture. This is one of those capers that I hope never gets solved. Besides damages to the porn store and replacing the $800 item which are both covered by insurance, what's the real harm done here? I almost feel bad for the poor bastard. He's probably in his "backup" windowless Dodge van parked in a Walmart parking lot somewhere right now with an ice cold case of Bartels and James Sangria, a carton of GPC cigarettes, Lionel Richie softly on the radio, and trying his best to seduce the lingerie off of his "date."
Oh and before I forget, has anyone heard from Paul lately?
UPDATE: When I Googled "Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator" looking for an image to use in this post, I came across an educational, funny and disturbing Youtube video featuring the FMS3MM on display which:
*1.) Helped me understand the size of the item and realize the dude didn't have a free hand to steal anything else at the time.
2.) I found to be pretty funny.
3.) I found to be quite disturbing, especially the part about dressing it up.
4.) Destroyed any and all traces of faith, respect and hope that I may have ever had in the human race. Forever.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Or, does it really say, "I Love President Oblamo"?
Kobe Bryant is an egotistical over paid festering anal wart and a dumbass to top it off. No prenup? BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Guess who is gonna be one rich lady here in a few months. You better re-negotiate you contract dude.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
La mayoría de los mexicanos que son groseros. Todos ustedes son idiotas! Por favor tome esta oportunidad para ir a vosotros la mierda. Eso es todo ...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Suck on this you fucking libtard cocksuckers!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Huh? Magazine-clips? What the fuck are magazine-clips?
When I heard this tool on Roger's show, it was right after Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head, six were killed, and 13 others were wounded in Tucson, AZ by that psycho piece of shit with a 9mm Glock 19 handgun and 30-round magazine. Like all good little liberals do, Congresscunt magically and instantly became the authority on all things guns, and couldn't wait to force her solution on us Federally. This ignorant, haggered, moronic Congresscunt bitch who ignores our Bill of Rights on a daily basis, calls magazines "magazine-clips" and has the balls to try and tell The People that "only law enforcement & military should be able to have them" is none other than Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY).
Yup, Congresscunt McCunthy has it all figured out. She knows what's best for us and the Constitution be damned. She's an expert ya know. A gotdamn genius! As an expert she says that banning high capacity 'magazine-clips' will prevent a tragedy like what happened on Jan. 8, 2011 in Tucson from happening again. I guess since I'm too stupid to even know what a magazine-clip is, and because McCunthy knows so much about firearms in general, that's good enough for me. How about you? Wanna sing some Kumbeya with me now?
The fallacy that reduced magazine capacity will prevent or even slow down someone on a rampage from squeezing off the same number of rounds in the same amount of time as they could with a standard or a high capacity magazine is just that; a fucking fallacy! I challenge you to show me anything that backs up this ridiculous claim used by ignorant politicians and libtards everywhere. What's that? You can't? What a surprise!
On the contrary, I have proof that bullshit legislation such as this does nothing but metaphorically shit on the U.S. Constitution, infringe on my rights (and yours) as a law-abiding American citizen, and it keeps worthless politicians like Congresscunt McCunthy around to take away more of our Liberty. At the very bare minimum McCunthy should be tarred, feathered and ran out of town with torches and pitchforks. Personally, I would prefer to watch her and all politicians like her publicly hanged from the U.S. Capitol for betraying The People and betraying her Oath to support and defend the Constitution, but I'm just an old-fashioned guy like that.
I wrote about the fallacy of legislatively reduced capacity magazines saving any lives in this post probably on the same day I heard Congresscunt McCunthy on the radio polluting the airwaves with that left-wing bullshit rhetoric. There's even a Youtube video demonstration included to try and help you illiterate libtarded left-wing douchebags finally fucking get it! Yeah I know, I'm not holding my breath.
But onto the reason and motivation behind tonight's post. After I called McCunthy every name in the book when describing what I had heard on the radio, my brother asked if I had seen the interview of her when she drafted legislation to ban barrel shrouds on firearms. I hadn't. I don't know how I missed it, but I had not seen or heard of this until last night.
This Youtube clip is nearly five years old, but it's one of those things I would expect to see from the morons running this country into the ground today. It's one of those things that I will never get tired of watching over and over. Sometimes for a laugh, other times to stay angry. It's also one of those things that I feel that I need to share with as many people as possible because this is what we get when the left-wing wins elections. Total and complete insanity. Drafting a law regarding something when she doesn't even know what that something is? WTF! This kind of shit makes absolutely no sense at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the right-wing doesn't have its fair share of fucked up politicians, because they do. It's just that the left has far more of them on a regular basis, and the libtards that vote for 'em don't even care. People like this are determining what we can or cannot do, or have, or say in this country. What's next?
This is so mind boggling that I'm still in shock hours after first watching it.
"The shoulder thing that goes up..." BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
I have to give the MSNBC guy a 'cheers' for at least being persistent and not letting her dodge the question like she tried doing. It's pretty obvious that he knew that she didn't have a fucking clue what a barrel shroud was, but wanted her to say that she didn't know. I fucking love it! Too bad for him though; I'm sure he got his pink slip and was filing for unemployment the following day after asking such an unfair question to such an important Congresscunt.
I looked for her quote when she said that only the military and law enforcement should be able to have [high] capacity magazines but I couldn't find it. Believe me or don't. It really doesn't matter because that video above pretty much speaks for itself.
I swiped the Youtube clip and the motivational hilarity from this guy who I found when I Google'd McCunthy's answer to the barrel shroud question. Looks like I have another blog to check out daily...
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia (1787)
Paul and I discussed this on the phone earlier. Cut this shit out and we would solve 90% of the problems in Washington. Power corrupts, absolute power corruts absolutely. Truer words were never spoken.
Sorry TJ, I think it's too late. Cocksuckers.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Women interested in modeling for study and analysis by our expert team here at GGDF Technologies Corp., can submit video(s) to Hugh G. Rection. Along with the video footage of you experiencing recoil, please briefly tell us a little about yourself, your marital status, what you like to do when you're feeling naughty, and anything else that you think might help us with the analysis. And we here at GGDF Technologies Corp. care so much, and want you ladies to be comfortable when recording your videos so clothing is optional.
Friday, December 2, 2011
P.S. I will not be putting your little african/american baby flipping the bird picture up on the wall. Be a little more creative.
By that time it was time to pick up my daughter from school. I was able to watch about one quarter of Seahawks football as they proceeded to kick the shit out of Philadelphia!! BWAHAHAHAH!! Then we headed over to my son's middle school to watch his concert performance. He plays the french horn and is pretty damn good but he wants to play guitar, instead. He has a higher-end Fender but needs guitar lessons (note to self: get on that soon). As is tradition, I take the kids to McDonalds after a school function.
Unfortunately, I had to tell them that this would be the last McDonalds trip for a while due to a very tight money supply. They understood because we had our long talk about two nights ago. My daughter was cool with it because she's young but also because she loves loves loves her grandparents in Dallas (my parents). But my twelve-year-old was holding back the tears. He has some really great friends here. I told him the Internet is a beautiful thing and vacation trips to Washington will definitely be in our future. After all, this is the most beautiful place on earth during the summertime. He is very liked in school and makes friends easily and so I suspect he'll quickly make new friends in Texas.
Today I found a job opening that I'm well qualified for in San Antonio. Even though I'm not targeting that particular part of Texas, I will apply for every job I find. No stone will be left unturned. I also filed for unemployment online today, which tested my dignity as I have never ever pursued government assistance at any point in my life ever! But I pay a lot of taxes so damnit help me the fuck out. Anyway, I was prepared to apply in person but CharlieDelta thankfully saved me from that misery by informing me that all of this can be done online. Thanks CD! Because the last thing I want to do is stand in a long miserable line with a bunch of degenerates and their screaming babies, all of whom I'm paying for.
So it's about 3:15 Texas time, and I'm going to contact at least two more real estate firms in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area today. My goal is to contact as many firms as possible each day and send my resume to as many places as possible. It's the old junk mail strategy.
At some point I need to start researching places to live. Unfortunately, we'll be renters for a while until I climb up the money tree once again. My financial situation has been deteriorating across the last six months due to slower work, which has lead to lower income, together with inflation, and of course higher utilities costs during fall and winter. It finally unraveled with the layoff notice representing the corn kernel atop the turd cake. My perfect credit has taken a beating as a result because I started falling behind on mortgage payments, and my revolving debt surged a bit. Add the unfortunate reality that my mortgage note is higher than what my property is worth and we have ourselves a losing situation. FannieMae has scheduled a meeting with me to discuss potential mortgage assistance, and the bank has scheduled a meeting to discuss all of the options available to me. Good fucking times.
Well, back to job searching...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Before CD gives me shit about the Obama/Biden 2012 sticker idea. I just couldn't stand the thought of giving the Communist party $3. That $3 would buy a beer, and if given to them, would have been a misappropriation of funds.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Crack a cold one and crank this shit!!!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
September 18, 2011 in Outdoors
Gutsy Wrangler, Huge Horse Saves Boy From Charging Grizzly
Richard Cheese, The Spokesman-Review
Grizzlies are high profile this year.Correction Rich. They were high profile this year until they met their match and got a good old fashioned ass whoopin' Harper-style.
A lingering winter and late berry crop kept bears in proximity to humans longer than normal, perhaps contributing to a stream of headlines about grizzlies killing people and people killing grizzlies. Meanwhile, a young lady on a big horse charged out of the pack of grizzly stories near Glacier National Park.
In a cloud of dust, the 25-year-old wrangler likely saved a boy’s life while demonstrating that skill, quick-thinking and guts sometimes are the best weapons against a head-on charging grizzley.Yup, that's Harper for ya. Skilled, quick-thinking and sheer confidence all wrapped up in a package that can only be described as a lethal weapon of mass destruction if push comes to shove. And on this particular day, that pushin' came to shovin' as the grizzley would find to be a big mistake on his part.
On July 30, Harper, a volunteer of Swan Mountain Outfitters was guiding eight clients on a horse ride on the Flathead National Forest between West Glacier and Hungry Horse, Montana. The group included a family of six plus a vacationing northern Mexifornia man, who’d booked the trip for his 8-year-old son’s first horse-riding experience. The young boy was riding Scout, a steady obedient mount, following directly behind Harper, who was leading the group on Tonk, a burly 10-year-old white horse of questionable lineage.First of all, if you have capability of getting on anything named Tonk, and the guts, you're fucking cool right off the bat. And of course, leading the group adds to the coolness as well. The fact that Tonk is a burley 10-year old of questionable lineage adds so many points to the cool-factor that it's off the charts. So. Fucking. Cool.
“He’s a very large horse – 18 hands high," Harper said. "That intimidates a lot of riders. But I’ve always loved big horses. He’s kind of high-strung and spooky, the largest of our wrangling horses. I like a horse with a lot of spirit, and I was really glad to be on him that day. We go over a lot of wildlife scenarios in our training, and we learn to watch our horses for signals of possible trouble so we can steer clear. That’s the key. Avoid trouble with a moose or a bear," she said.18 hands high? Holy shit that's a lot of hands! I'm not even cool enough to know what the hell that means, but that is fucking cool because a lot of riders are intimidated by it. Not Harper. No siree. She's so fucking cool that she is in constant communication and on the same sheet of music as Tonk, and a sound is never heard.
“It was a pleasant ride until we came around a corner on the trail and my horse stopped firm and wouldn’t move,” Harper said. “He never refuses to go, so that caught my attention quick.”
But not fast enough to avoid the spike white-tailed deer that burst out of the brush and glanced off Tonk’s left front shoulder. As Tonk spun from the impact, Harper saw a huge grizzly bear crashing through the forest right at the group in pursuit of the deer. Horses panicked and guests grabbed saddle horns for the ride of their lives. Many of the guests even soiled themselves like a liberal at a gun show does. Seven of the horses sensed the danger, scrambled around and galloped back on the trail toward the barn.
But Scout bolted perpendicular to the trail into the timber packing the 8-year-old boy.
“The deer peeled off and joined the horses sprinting down the trail,” Harper said. “So the bear just continued running right past me. I’m not sure the bear even knew the roles had changed, but now it was chasing a horse instead of a deer.”The grizzly was zeroed in on Scout and the boy – the isolated prey in the woods. With the bear on Scout’s heels, Tonk’s instinct was to flee with the group of horses. But Tonk responded to Harper's heels in his ribs as she spun the big fella around. They wheeled out of a 360 and bolted into the trees to wedge between the predator and the prey.
“The boy was bent over, feet out of the stirrups, clutching the saddle horn and the horse’s neck,” she said. “That kept him from hitting a tree limb. But all I could think about was the boy falling off in the path of that grizzly. I bent down, screamed and yelled, but the bear was growling and snarling and staying very focused on Scout," she continued. “As it tried to circle back toward Scout, I realized I had to get Tonk to square off and face the bear. We had to get the bear to acknowledge us. We did. We got its attention – and the bear charged.
“So I charged at the bear.”
Fuckin' A! She did what?? That's right! She charged at the bear! Can you believe this shit? I'm speechless. Even Grizzley fucking Adams wouldn't have the cajones to pull off a wicked move like that. Holy shitballs!
“I had no hesitation, honestly,” Harper said. “Nothing in my body was going to let that little boy get hurt by that bear. That wasn’t an option.”
That's just how Harper rolls! Calm, beyond fucking cool, and totally collected.
The entire time this terrifying ordeal was going down, Harper was only thinking about the safety of the group before even once considering her own safety. That level of selflessness has the Epically Cool needle pegged, and if you disagree you can just blow me!
With a ton of horse, boulder-size hooves and a fire-breathing blonde thundering at it, the bear came within about 10 feet before skittering off to the side. But it quickly angled to make yet another stab at getting to Scout and the boy – who had just fallen to the ground.“Tonk and I had to go at the bear a third time before we finally hazed him away,” she said. “The boy had landed in some beargrass and was OK. Scout was standing nearby.” “The boy was in shock,” she said. “I looked back and could see the bear had continued to go away through he woods, but I had another five or 10 minutes of riding before I got back with the group.”
“Some of the horses I’ve ridden would have absolutely refused to do what Tonk did; others would have thrown me off in the process. Some horses can never overcome their flight-animal instinct to run away,” Harper said. In those minutes of crisis, the big lug of mongrel mount proved his mettle in a test few trail horses will face in their careers. Tonk’s grit moved Harper. She wasn’t about to send him back to Wyoming with the other leased horses.
“Two weeks ago, I closed the deal and bought him,” Harper said as she was wrapping up her 2011 wrangling season.I can't imagine someone arguing against the fact that Harper is by far the coolest ever, but if there's someone that disputes the epic fucking coolest that encompasses Harper, they have a lot more problems than what's just on the surface. Those problems run deeper than a liberal politician's pockets when it comes to taxing the working and producing folks to pay for the leeches and dregs of society. And as most of you know, that's fucking deep!
“After what he did that day, he had to be mine.”
Stay cool Harper! Thanks for being a good sport about my week long struggle and my weak attempt to be at least somewhat funny and/or entertaining.
My brain is mush. And I probably look like this guy right now.
I don't care if I smoked a lb. of weed in one sitting, there's no level of munchies that will ever get me to eat this shit again. It's not even good enough to feed to the ducks. Stoned Classics?? Fuck You!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
After a huge Thanksgiving dinner tonight, I was perusing the San Antonio classified ads looking for work when I somehow stumbled upon this gem at MySanAntonio.com's home page. I don't know why I was surprised when I saw who the hero of the day was. I know better than to get surprised by seeing Harper's name associated with a headline like this:
Woman, Mid 20's, Guns Down Intruder
By Summer Eve & Guillermo Ganja
Published 10:59 p.m., Thursday, Nov. 24, 2011
A woman shot and killed an intruder and police caught a suspected accomplice in a Northeast Side home invasion in the late afternoon Thursday. The gunfire shattered the Thanksgiving Day calm in the neighborhood of large, high-end houses on wide, tree-lined streets.
The woman, who goes by Harper, was upstairs with her husband Mr. Harper after wrapping up Thanksgiving dinner with their children and relatives in their beautiful home on Oakridge Drive when they heard a "loud bang", according to San Antonio Police Sergeant Stedanko. "They checked downstairs and found a filthy man inside mumbling to himself in Spanish. This person was later identified as Jose Perez Sanchez Hernandez Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, an illegal alien criminal from Mexico wanted in over 14 counties across Texas for various violent offenses. Ramirez had broken a sliding glass door with a hammer in an apparent attempt to rob the household for his methamphetamine, cheap tequila, GPC cigarettes, and transvestite pornography habit." Stedanko said.
“What the [expletive] are you doing in my house you [expletive] tweeker?” Mr. Harper yelled as the intruder rummaged through the Harper cat's litter box downstairs. Mr. Harper continued his verbal assault on the man while Harper grabbed her Colt 1911 Combat Commander and fired one .45 ACP round, killing Ramirez.
Boom!! Hell yeah! You hear that? One shot, one kill. Take that motherfucker! Can you hear me now??? Enjoy the dirt siesta six feet under, puto! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! That's how it's supposed to be done right there. Is that not the coolest fucking thing you've ever heard of? Don't lie. You know it is. Epically fuckin' cool!
But there's more...
Police officers working undercover were already in the area Thursday afternoon because of a rash of recent burglaries. Advised of the incident, they arrested another illegal from Mexico blocks away from the shooting scene who they believe was the dead man's homosexual lover and accomplice, Stedanko said. A Meximobile believed to have been used by the illegals also was found in the area, police said. Inside the vehicle officers discovered numerous social security cards, Project Vote Gift Bags with voter registration information for illegal aliens and valid TX drivers licenses of deceased individuals, as well as drug paraphernalia, empty bottles of Jose Cuervo, explicit homosexual pornography, and lifetime nutroot membership cards to the Texas Progressive Alliance.
One piece of shit dead, and another captured by area police. Add a couple more things to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day. All in a day's work for Harper. Or should I say, all in a day off from work?
Residents of the quiet neighborhood said they were shocked by the incident.
I bet they were! They were shocked to learn who, and just how fucking cool one of their neighbors was. Yup yup! I would be shocked upon learning that as well. You know you would too!
“They are very nice, quiet people,” Helen Pressa said of the Harpers, her next-door neighbors. “We rarely see Harper. She blogs a lot and keeps to herself, but we know she's always there ready to face any threat head on, and she's always looking out for the entire block.”