Saturday, April 16, 2011

TSA Tales

So there's been a lot of stories this week about the TSA. Fuckers. But you were on your good behavior last time I went through. Two weeks ago I escorted my children to the gate (spring break) so, obviously, I had to go through security. Now this was a very stressful situation for me because this was my first time to go through security since the TSA installed their radioactive porno scanners and implemented their new sexual harassment policies at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. I've had plenty of opportunities to fly on business these last few months but have opted to drive because of the TSA and my very bad temperament towards perverted communist government employees. But there was no avoiding these sick fucks two weeks ago.

So we're standing in line and noticed the porno scanners. My son looked up at me and said that security takes all the fun out of flying. I couldn't agree with him more. Anyway, I noticed how people simply had no problem walking into these radioactive skin flicks. In fact, everyone around me was cooperative and really didn't care. I'm like, WTF!! Some guy in front of me said that he hoped he didn't have to walk through that machine. I replied, "We're opting out and I don't know what's going to happen after that." If one of those fuckers singled us out to cop a feel on my kids, we could have had a very intense situation. Anyway, you could choose one of three security lines after they check your drivers license and tickets. I randomly selected one and this line took us into the standard metal detector. It was old hat for us and I was very relieved. The TSA employees were respectful and, really, it was no big deal. Standard security works. So does profiling but our society doesn't have the balls to do that (we'd rather feel up granny than offend a Moooslime). What is TSA's track record anyway? Oh that's right, they don't have one. These radiation machines and rape fests are nothing more than conditioning for the masses. Again, I closely watched all who walked into those porno scanners. Hands up in the air and all that. NOBODY CARED. Maybe I'm just an asshole. Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion. I don't know.

I'm curious. Just how far down the rabbit hole are we gonna crawl after some terrorist stuffs a bomb up his ass?

I guess I wouldn't mind an "enhanced" pat down as long as it's a big fat black chick doing it. Lower baby. Lower baby. Yeah, right there honey. You feel that? I'm gonna have to fly more often sweetie. Mmmm.

Until we meet again, TSA...xoxo


kerrcarto said...

In a state of tranquillity, wealth, and luxury, our descendants would forget the arts of war and the noble activity and zeal which made their ancestors invincible. Every art of corruption would be employed to loosen the bond of union which renders our resistance formidable. When the spirit of liberty, which now animates our hearts and gives success to our arms, is extinct, our numbers will accelerate our ruin and render us easier victims to tyranny. If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude than the animating contest of freedom—go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen! - Samuel Adams

CharlieDelta said...

I haven't needed to fly anywhere since the TSA's Fondle-fest was implemented. I was really curious if all the hoopla about the molestation and radiation had simmered down. As I expected, it has. Now the passive masses just take their orders and roll on through without so much as a word. Yup, that's the typical American sheeple.

If there's a Blownstar this year, that will be my next opportunity to fly and fuck with the TSA. I was thinking about maybe I'll just go through the scanner, but I'm gonna make sure I'm wearing the loudest cock ring that's made. I'm talking spikes, barbwire, whatever. If the TSA wants a show, I'll give em one.

CharlieDelta said...

Oh yeah. One more thing. LMAO Paul! Dude, if you're lookin' for some sloppy, fat black chicks for your "enhanced" pat down, we have more than enough here. PLEASE take them! You'll find some of them at the local Popeye's Chicken with their faces in the bucket, but the majority of them seem to like walking around Pacific Beach, sweating profusely, wearing some shitty coconut-smelling SPF 1000, and wearing half-shirts to show off their ghetto tramp stamps, belly rings and their fat rolls that seem to just go on forever. I can see how that might turn a man on... LMAO!

Anonymous said...

ROFLweissen!! Was wondering when someone was gonna pick up on that joke. Baby got back!! On yo knees nigga!!