Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Trifecta

I had my doubts yesterday if Herman was going to stay in. I hope he does or I wasted $5 and will have to replace the Herman sticker with a Newt sticker.

Before CD gives me shit about the Obama/Biden 2012 sticker idea. I just couldn't stand the thought of giving the Communist party $3. That $3 would buy a beer, and if given to them, would have been a misappropriation of funds.


Geez, I have gotten more FOD pictures in the last two days than I have in the last two months! Keep'em coming people! Who will be lucky number 69?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

One For Paul

Paul, don't let your current situation bring you down brother. I can relate to the emotional anger you probably have inside. I was in the same boat twice in the last three years. I'm not gonna lie, it's fucked! But white boys like us get up, shake it off and charge forward. You're a good man Paul, and you're 100% soul. I know the shitty feeling you have right now and it isn't a good one, but you will persevere. Fuck man, I did. And if I can do it anyone can.

Crack a cold one and crank this shit!!!

And that's a wrap

I was officially laid off. I have worked for this company since 2004. The way the economy is, I think I'll just be wasting my time and money by seeking other employment in the Seattle area. The kids finish school next Friday for Christmas break so this is probably as good a time as any to go ahead and make preparations. I'll be updating my resume this week and am pretty sure the Dallas/Ft. Worth area is where we are headed. We have family down there and miss them dearly. So this is bittersweet for lack of a better term. I have lived here in Seattle since 1998. I am very emotional right Two children depend on me and so I have to figure this out responsibly and with confidence and efficiency. No time for tears. Life just got a lot more complicated. :(

Fired or laid off

I have been called in for a meeting with the bosses. I'll know the outcome here in about three hours. I'm betting this gig is over. If that's the case, I suspect we'll have the moving truck packed up and ready to go by Christmas. I need to start looking for cheap places to live in the Dallas area while I pick up the pieces. I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to the kids. Just in time for Christmas. What a fucking mess.


Welcome aboard!!


I know this is a terrible story, but I can't stop laughing!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Just Piling On

I really wanted to see you and Dodd get investigated for the shit you pulled with Fannie and Freddy but I will take you wimping out like the little asshole you are. Get the fuck out of my government you buttfucking commie.

Good riddance Barney Frank!!

The fascist faggot from Assachusetts is calling it quits. I can think of about 100 other politicians who should make the same announcement! Anyway, I hear Frank is applying for a teaching position at Penn State. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

FOD: New Member

Welcome to the club!! I will get you up on the wall later this afternoon!!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sunday Church For A Sinner

I know I'm a sinner, and I have been sinnin' like a motherfucker the last four days. I was sinnin' some more all day today, so I thought maybe it was time for me to go to church again. Thankfully, with technology these days I can do it from the comfort of my chair with an ice cold can of 'holy beer' right at my side. The sermon tonight was a good one, so I thought I would share it with you.


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Got It!

I recieved my Cain vs Unable bumper sticker today. Moday I am going down to the Democrat headquarters and get me an Obama/Biden 2012 sticker. I am going to slap that one on the back of the Trooper then put the Cain vs Unable sticker over that one diagonaly, or maybe the Cooncracker sticker diagonal and the Cain sticker normal. I will post up a picture Monday afternoon of the final arrangement.

Friday, November 25, 2011


I just got me some Jungle Wreck. Y'all can just substitute Kerrcarto for Willie in the next song. Holy Shit!!

(Fri.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool

How cool? Well lemme tell you just how fucking' cool... Harper is so fucking cool that when she's not answering my sophisticated trivia questions here on GGDF, partying with Pantera, giving thoughtful and practical house warming gifts, kicking black bear ass, saving dogs, saving bats or dropping tweeker illegal alien burglars like a bad habit, she's saving 8-year-old boys from being shredded apart by Grizzlies in Montana's Glacier National Park. That is not only so fucking cool, but it is beyond the epitome of a badass! The Spokesman-Review had a nice lengthy write-up I came across earlier on this incredible story of bravery, heroism and epic fucking coolness which you can read here.

September 18, 2011 in Outdoors
Gutsy Wrangler, Huge Horse Saves Boy From Charging Grizzly

Richard Cheese
, The Spokesman-Review

Grizzlies are high profile this year.
Correction Rich. They were high profile this year until they met their match and got a good old fashioned ass whoopin' Harper-style.
A lingering winter and late berry crop kept bears in proximity to humans longer than normal, perhaps contributing to a stream of headlines about grizzlies killing people and people killing grizzlies. Meanwhile, a young lady on a big horse charged out of the pack of grizzly stories near Glacier National Park.
In a cloud of dust, the 25-year-old wrangler likely saved a boy’s life while demonstrating that skill, quick-thinking and guts sometimes are the best weapons against a head-on charging grizzley.
Yup, that's Harper for ya. Skilled, quick-thinking and sheer confidence all wrapped up in a package that can only be described as a lethal weapon of mass destruction if push comes to shove. And on this particular day, that pushin' came to shovin' as the grizzley would find to be a big mistake on his part.
On July 30, Harper, a volunteer of Swan Mountain Outfitters was guiding eight clients on a horse ride on the Flathead National Forest between West Glacier and Hungry Horse, Montana. The group included a family of six plus a vacationing northern Mexifornia man, who’d booked the trip for his 8-year-old son’s first horse-riding experience. The young boy was riding Scout, a steady obedient mount, following directly behind Harper, who was leading the group on Tonk, a burly 10-year-old white horse of questionable lineage.
First of all, if you have capability of getting on anything named Tonk, and the guts, you're fucking cool right off the bat. And of course, leading the group adds to the coolness as well. The fact that Tonk is a burley 10-year old of questionable lineage adds so many points to the cool-factor that it's off the charts. So. Fucking. Cool.
“He’s a very large horse – 18 hands high," Harper said. "That intimidates a lot of riders. But I’ve always loved big horses. He’s kind of high-strung and spooky, the largest of our wrangling horses. I like a horse with a lot of spirit, and I was really glad to be on him that day. We go over a lot of wildlife scenarios in our training, and we learn to watch our horses for signals of possible trouble so we can steer clear. That’s the key. Avoid trouble with a moose or a bear," she said.
18 hands high? Holy shit that's a lot of hands! I'm not even cool enough to know what the hell that means, but that is fucking cool because a lot of riders are intimidated by it. Not Harper. No siree. She's so fucking cool that she is in constant communication and on the same sheet of music as Tonk, and a sound is never heard.
“It was a pleasant ride until we came around a corner on the trail and my horse stopped firm and wouldn’t move,” Harper said. “He never refuses to go, so that caught my attention quick.”

But not fast enough to avoid the spike white-tailed deer that burst out of the brush and glanced off Tonk’s left front shoulder. As Tonk spun from the impact, Harper saw a huge grizzly bear crashing through the forest right at the group in pursuit of the deer. Horses panicked and guests grabbed saddle horns for the ride of their lives. Many of the guests even soiled themselves like a liberal at a gun show does. Seven of the horses sensed the danger, scrambled around and galloped back on the trail toward the barn.

But Scout bolted perpendicular to the trail into the timber packing the 8-year-old boy.

“The deer peeled off and joined the horses sprinting down the trail,” Harper said. “So the bear just continued running right past me. I’m not sure the bear even knew the roles had changed, but now it was chasing a horse instead of a deer.”

The grizzly was zeroed in on Scout and the boy – the isolated prey in the woods. With the bear on Scout’s heels, Tonk’s instinct was to flee with the group of horses. But Tonk responded to Harper's heels in his ribs as she spun the big fella around. They wheeled out of a 360 and bolted into the trees to wedge between the predator and the prey.
“The boy was bent over, feet out of the stirrups, clutching the saddle horn and the horse’s neck,” she said. “That kept him from hitting a tree limb. But all I could think about was the boy falling off in the path of that grizzly. I bent down, screamed and yelled, but the bear was growling and snarling and staying very focused on Scout," she continued. “As it tried to circle back toward Scout, I realized I had to get Tonk to square off and face the bear. We had to get the bear to acknowledge us. We did. We got its attention – and the bear charged.

“So I charged at the bear.”

Fuckin' A! She did what?? That's right! She charged at the bear! Can you believe this shit? I'm speechless. Even Grizzley fucking Adams wouldn't have the cajones to pull off a wicked move like that. Holy shitballs!

“I had no hesitation, honestly,” Harper said. “Nothing in my body was going to let that little boy get hurt by that bear. That wasn’t an option.”

That's just how Harper rolls! Calm, beyond fucking cool, and totally collected.

With a ton of horse, boulder-size hooves and a fire-breathing blonde thundering at it, the bear came within about 10 feet before skittering off to the side. But it quickly angled to make yet another stab at getting to Scout and the boy – who had just fallen to the ground.

“Tonk and I had to go at the bear a third time before we finally hazed him away,” she said. “The boy had landed in some beargrass and was OK. Scout was standing nearby.” “The boy was in shock,” she said. “I looked back and could see the bear had continued to go away through he woods, but I had another five or 10 minutes of riding before I got back with the group.”
The entire time this terrifying ordeal was going down, Harper was only thinking about the safety of the group before even once considering her own safety. That level of selflessness has the Epically Cool needle pegged, and if you disagree you can just blow me!
“Some of the horses I’ve ridden would have absolutely refused to do what Tonk did; others would have thrown me off in the process. Some horses can never overcome their flight-animal instinct to run away,” Harper said. In those minutes of crisis, the big lug of mongrel mount proved his mettle in a test few trail horses will face in their careers. Tonk’s grit moved Harper. She wasn’t about to send him back to Wyoming with the other leased horses.
“Two weeks ago, I closed the deal and bought him,” Harper said as she was wrapping up her 2011 wrangling season.

“After what he did that day, he had to be mine.”
I can't imagine someone arguing against the fact that Harper is by far the coolest ever, but if there's someone that disputes the epic fucking coolest that encompasses Harper, they have a lot more problems than what's just on the surface. Those problems run deeper than a liberal politician's pockets when it comes to taxing the working and producing folks to pay for the leeches and dregs of society. And as most of you know, that's fucking deep!

Stay cool Harper! Thanks for being a good sport about my week long struggle and my weak attempt to be at least somewhat funny and/or entertaining.

My brain is mush. And I probably look like this guy right now.

I need a drink!

Private Property? Got Any Ice?

On my way to the music store to get guitar strings today, I passed this sign and I just had to turn around. The person(s) responsible for the modification of this sign had me laughing out loud, but then I also realized that they were onto something, almost as if they were trying to warn new folks or visitors to the neighborhood... When I pulled onto the street, I saw nothing but MILF's. I'm talking MILF after MILF. One after antoher; either jogging, washing their car or just gabbin' with neighbors. After my third or fourth pass, and when the blood and oxygen finally returned to my brain, I decided it would be best if I just took the damn picture and got the hell out of there before I had the Fran Drescher voice and my 'boys' were resting softly on a bag of ice...

Dude, I'm Gettin' Hungry

My mom of all people bought these to try out when she was shopping at one of those "healthy" type stores. When I saw it, I wasn't sure if eating the chips would give me the munchies or if the chips were designed for stoners who already had the munchies. Either way, they are fucking dry and nasty, as well as completely void of any salt or flavor at all. The level of cotton mouth after two of these shitty tortilla chips was off the charts, and the bag went straight to the trash.

I don't care if I smoked a lb. of weed in one sitting, there's no level of munchies that will ever get me to eat this shit again. It's not even good enough to feed to the ducks. Stoned Classics?? Fuck You!

Chuck Woolery For President

Thursday, November 24, 2011

(Thurs.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool....

How cool is she you may ask? Well, lemme tell ya... Harper is so fucking cool that just tonight, Thanksgiving evening, she demonstrated her epic fucking coolness once again, under pressure, and arranged a meeting with some scumbag intruder and his maker. That's right. You heard me! Harper doesn't get holidays off from coolness, which is just another example of just how fucking cool she is!

After a huge Thanksgiving dinner tonight, I was perusing the San Antonio classified ads looking for work when I somehow stumbled upon this gem at's home page. I don't know why I was surprised when I saw who the hero of the day was. I know better than to get surprised by seeing Harper's name associated with a headline like this:

Woman, Mid 20's, Guns Down Intruder
By Summer Eve & Guillermo Ganja

Published 10:59 p.m., Thursday, Nov. 24, 2011

A woman shot and killed an intruder and police caught a suspected accomplice in a Northeast Side home invasion in the late afternoon Thursday. The gunfire shattered the Thanksgiving Day calm in the neighborhood of large, high-end houses on wide, tree-lined streets.

The woman, who goes by Harper, was upstairs with her husband Mr. Harper after wrapping up Thanksgiving dinner with their children and relatives in their beautiful home on Oakridge Drive when they heard a "loud bang", according to San Antonio Police Sergeant Stedanko. "They checked downstairs and found a filthy man inside mumbling to himself in Spanish. This person was later identified as Jose Perez Sanchez Hernandez Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, an illegal alien criminal from Mexico wanted in over 14 counties across Texas for various violent offenses. Ramirez had broken a sliding glass door with a hammer in an apparent attempt to rob the household for his methamphetamine, cheap tequila, GPC cigarettes, and transvestite pornography habit." Stedanko said.

“What the [expletive] are you doing in my house you [expletive] tweeker?” Mr. Harper yelled as the intruder rummaged through the Harper cat's litter box downstairs. Mr. Harper continued his verbal assault on the man while Harper grabbed her Colt 1911 Combat Commander and fired one .45 ACP round, killing Ramirez.

Boom!! Hell yeah! You hear that? One shot, one kill. Take that motherfucker! Can you hear me now??? Enjoy the dirt siesta six feet under, puto! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! That's how it's supposed to be done right there. Is that not the coolest fucking thing you've ever heard of? Don't lie. You know it is. Epically fuckin' cool!

But there's more...

Police officers working undercover were already in the area Thursday afternoon because of a rash of recent burglaries. Advised of the incident, they arrested another illegal from Mexico blocks away from the shooting scene who they believe was the dead man's homosexual lover and accomplice, Stedanko said. A Meximobile believed to have been used by the illegals also was found in the area, police said. Inside the vehicle officers discovered numerous social security cards, Project Vote Gift Bags with voter registration information for illegal aliens and valid TX drivers licenses of deceased individuals, as well as drug paraphernalia, empty bottles of Jose Cuervo, explicit homosexual pornography, and lifetime nutroot membership cards to the Texas Progressive Alliance.

One piece of shit dead, and another captured by area police. Add a couple more things to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day. All in a day's work for Harper. Or should I say, all in a day off from work?

Residents of the quiet neighborhood said they were shocked by the incident.

I bet they were! They were shocked to learn who, and just how fucking cool one of their neighbors was. Yup yup! I would be shocked upon learning that as well. You know you would too!

“They are very nice, quiet people,” Helen Pressa said of the Harpers, her next-door neighbors. “We rarely see Harper. She blogs a lot and keeps to herself, but we know she's always there ready to face any threat head on, and she's always looking out for the entire block.”

Pressa said the area has been increasingly targeted by burglars since her own home was broken into about 18 months ago.

I expect that burglaries will all of a sudden come to a screeching halt on Oakwood Drive and the Northeast Side in general once word spreads about this mega-cool ending on Thanksgiving Day. I wouldn't think about even toilet-papering a house on that street if I was a potential TP'er and heard Harper was within a 15 block radius. Fuck that!

Sgt. Stedanko said the shooting appeared to be justified, and no charges would be filed.

That's right! Anything else would be fucking ludicrous!

He said he doesn't know what burglars typically might be thinking when they break into a home, “but they should be thinking, ‘I hope Harper doesn't live here, or this will be the last home I break into.'”

You bet your ass pal! Chalk up another Harper victory. Another victory for The People!!!

Staff Writer Richard Cheese contributed to this story.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

One More For The Road

     Dr. Thomas Sowell has served on the faculties of several universities, including
Cornell and University of California, Los Angeles, and worked for "think
tanks" such as the Urban Institute. Since 1980 he has worked at the Hoover
Institution. He is the author of more than 30 books. 

And apparently he is a giant fucking racist!!

By Dr. Sowell

The current Occupy Wall Street movement is the best illustration to date of
what President Barack Obama's America looks like. It is an America where the
lawless, unaccomplished, ignorant and incompetent rule. It is an America where those
who have sacrificed nothing pillage and destroy the lives of those who have 
sacrificed greatly.

It is an America where history is rewritten to honor dictators, murderers
and thieves. It is an America where violence, racism, hatred, class warfare and 
murder are all promoted as acceptable means of overturning the American
civil society.

It is an America where humans have been degraded to the level of animals: 
defecating in public, having sex in public, devoid of basic hygiene. It is
an America where the basic tenets of a civil society, including faith, family,
a free press and individual rights, have been rejected. It is an America where
our founding documents have been shredded and, with them, every person's 
guaranteed liberties.

It is an America where, ultimately, great suffering will come to the
American people, but the rulers like Obama, Michelle Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy
Pelosi, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Joe Biden, Jesse Jackson, Louis Farrakhan,
liberal college professors, union bosses and other loyal liberal/Communist Party
members will live in opulent splendor.

It is the America that Obama and the Democratic Party have created with the 
willing assistance of the American media, Hollywood , unions, universities,
the Communist Party of America, the Black Panthers and numerous anti-American
foreign entities.

Barack Obama has brought more destruction upon this country in four years
than any other event in the history of our nation, but it is just the beginning
of what he and his comrades are capable of.

The Occupy Wall Street movement is just another step in their plan for the 
annihilation of America ."Socialism, in general, has a record of failure so 
blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it."

Thomas Sowell

It's That Time Of Year Again...

So, as is tradition here at GGDF I am posting up REK's Merry Christmas From The Family. And will leave it in the sidebar until the New Year.

Happy Thanksgiving all you drunken fools!

I will be sipping some suds and hickory/apple smoking a bird this evening. Then it is over to dad's (a whopping 5 miles away) for Thanksgiving with friends and family tomorrow. Y'all be safe, and thank a soldier if you see one.

See y'all Friday.

(Wed.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool…

How fucking cool you may be asking yourself? Well, lemme clue you clueless bastards in a little bit on just how fucking cool. Harper is so fucking cool that when she's not saving lives of dogs, beating the living shit out of black bears in the Poconos, punkin' Obungholio, giving awesome house warming gifts or partying with Pantera she is a hero for injured and malnourished bats. Yeah, that's right. You heard me! Fuckin' bats! How cool is that? That is so fucking cool that it makes me wish I was an injured bat, just so I could experience the epic coolness that encompasses Harper's persona. I had forgotten all about this one time when Harper was hi-lighted in a major newspaper. You may have heard of it? The Washington Post ring any bells? It was just a little over a year ago. Pat Waters Pipe at the Washington Post did a bong-up job with this piece. Well done, Pat.

For bats, Texas woman is a hero

By Pat Waters Pipe

Saturday, September 11, 2010

You forgot about adding "and so fucking cool", Pat. That's okay though dude, I'll let you slide on this one. I know this is a family paper and has no place for foul language, but you could've used the F*#ing or F'ing style to still get the point across with emphasis.

FORT WORTH -- 26 year old Harper, a full time wife and mother of four has what you or I would normally call a nuisance or even a threat and call an exterminator immediately. What we find to be a inconvenience, Harper has taken in, or adopted, by her own freewill; 36 bats living in her Keller, Tex., home. But she's not calling an exterminator. Harper is the one-woman bat-rescue team of Bat World Lone Star, one of 20 rescue centers around the country associated with the Bat World Sanctuary in Mineral Wells, Tex.

Holy fuckballs! Did you hear that? 36 angry, mean, feisty, viscous, hungry, and blood-sucking bats. If you have to put that into beer to visualize the quantity, that’s a fucking case of beer, but these little guys, if they wanted to, could fuck you up more than a case would. Whoa! so fucking cool! It's not a 10-man, or a five-man, or even a one-man bat-rescue team. It's a one-woman bat-rescue team kickin' ass and going up to bat for the bats all over the country. Fuckin' cool!

When an injured bat is discovered in North Texas, Harper's home is often where it ends up. There, it is rehydrated; medicated; nurtured; given a name such as Alfie, Wilbur, Jolene or Cal(?); and, hopefully, returned to the great outdoors. If the bat can't live on its own, it becomes a permanent resident of the Bat World Sanctuary.

Harper is so fucking cool that her home is also the Bat World Sanctuary. A sanctuary for the bat world. Fuckin' cool! I bet even Batman himself, with his "Bat" tighties wouldn't even have the balls to turn his Bat Cave into a sanctuary for the bat world. Batman is a pussy! Especially when you put him side by side next to Harper. Batman couldn’t hold a candle to how fucking cool Harper is.

Thanks to Hollywood, bats have been the villains of scary movies, swooping in to attack victims or get tangled in their hair. Some people think bats are a type of rodent or bird. Others believe they are blind and carry a host of diseases, including the deadly rabies virus. All of these perceptions are false.

Well, no shit! Hollywierd hasn't put out anything good since the Rodney King beat-down and subsequent nig-fest riots. Is anyone surprised they would lead an audience to believe something that isn't true? I myself thought bats were nothing better than a rat with wings, but how wrong I was. Not Harper. She is so fucking cool that she's not only a kickass chick who hangs out with bats, but she's been studying them for over a decade.

"Less than one-half of 1 percent of bats contract rabies," Harper said. "They're mammals just like us, and all mammals can contract rabies." "In truth, bats are key players in a healthy environment," she said. "They pollinate many plants -- and if you love margaritas, you should love bats because they pollinate 98 percent of all agave plants, the source of tequila."

That right there is so fucking epically cool that I am at a loss for words. I literally don't know what to say, so I won't say anything. Maybe I’ll do a shot of Patron…

Their immense appetite for flying bugs helps control crop-destroyers such as the corn-borer moth, the nation's second-most destructive insect, which defies its name by noshing on eggplants, apples, potatoes and many other crops besides corn. Another delicacy for bats is the mosquito, which can carry the West Nile virus.

"The average bat gobbles 3,000 to 5,000 insects every night," Harper said. "A lactating female eats 10,000 to 12,000 nightly. Bats save us billions -- not millions -- of dollars in crops each year."

Holy shit that's a lot of bugs! When I was growing up, I used to make the dorky next door neighbor kid eat bugs, but never in the 1,000's. Maybe the 100's, but that it! I wonder if he turned into a bat later in life? He wouldn't be scary though. He would be that dorky bat that got laughed out of the cave by all the other bats. Poor bastard.

Bats have a metabolism that any dieter would envy. Their hearts beat 900 to 1,300 times per minute when they are not hibernating, which means that they process a meal in about 20 minutes and can be debilitated by disease in a few hours. When someone finds a sick bat, they need to consider the situation an emergency for the animal.

"We have to get them sooner," Harper said, speaking for all Bat World satellite centers. "If someone turns a bat in to us two or three days after finding it, that bat is not going to survive."

Dead bats, means sad and/or angry Harper. And that is not fucking cool at all!

"Saving a bat with your bare hands gives that bat a death sentence," says Harper. "Instead, get a shoebox and punch holes in the lid. Fold a soft T-shirt in the bottom, draping the bottom third over one side of the box. This gives the bat a fabric "wall" where it can cling. Leave the shirt's neck opening facing up -- this provides the bat with a safe crevice for retreat. Using the lid, gently scoop the bat into the box."

See what I'm talking about here? Do you know of anyone with that crazy high of an educational level in bats that can just tell the average douchebag in layman's terms how to make sure that a bat rescue is a complete success in just a few simple sentences like that? No, I didn't think you did! Harper is just radical! Epically awesome! Oh, and one more thing....

So fucking cool!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

(Tues.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool

How fucking cool you may ask? Well, lemme tell ya. Harper is so fucking cool that she takes on black bears with her bare fuckin' hands. That's right. You heard me! She just happened to make the head story for the New York Daily News last week while she was visiting some friends in the Poconos and trying to take time off from being so fucking cool. As if making front page of a major newspaper isn't fucking cool enough, check out and read what veteran journalist Michael Shareajoint reports on last week's front page...

Poconos, NY- Poconos woman fights off bear, cub to save dog.
Michael Shareajoint

Monday, Nov. 14, 2011

A Texas woman on vacation in the Poconos last week battled a bear and its cub to save her Dachshund puppy she had received as a 'Thank You' gift from
The Whited Sepulchre after saving him from a dire situation a couple months prior. Harper, as she goes by, is recovering from multiple scratches and gaping wounds to her neck, arms and head after rushing to the rescue Thursday, GGDF News 420 reported. The 26-year-old Texan had let her dog, Abbott, out into the backyard to do his business at 9:30 p.m. Moments later she saw him acting strangely, almost as if he saw Lucifer himself, or worse yet, Barack Obama.

Rushing, not walking or taking her sweet ass time, but rushing to the rescue knowing that black bears are mean and vicious bastards that have lethal claws that could take a human head clean off. Did you read that? Did it sink in? That's fucking cool! She knew they weren't all soft and cuddly like that fuckin' little faggot bear in those Snuggle Fabric Softener commercials. Not Harper. She knew she was in for a fight. The bears started it, and Harper was gonna finish it. That is so fucking cool! I mean, seriously; that is about the coolest fucking thing I have ever heard of. If you disagree, you are wrong. Not only are you wrong and an asshole, you are so fucking UNcool that even the occutards think you're an uncool asshole. That is un-fucking-cool, pal.

"It was dark and at first I couldn't see what it was," Harper told the Pocono Record. "Then, I saw two black bears, what looked like a cub and an adult. Abbott was bravely holding his own," she said, "Running at the grown bear and swatting at him like I trained him to do before his eyes were even open."

Fucking badass cool!

Harper then charged right into the middle of the scrap to help as Abbott ran to her. The adult bear then attacked. The bear knocked Harper to the ground, striking her with its massive claws, but she threw back a few shots of her own and taunted, "Is that all you got Snuggles?" At one point she even had the bear in a half nelson going for a full nelson, but was blinded by her own blood and had to let go. She was bleeding profusely from the head, but kept dishing out right hooks, body shots, roundhouse kicks to the head, and a few eye-gouging moves. Harper didn't realize just how badly she'd been injured until the brawl was over and the bears ran off into the night howling in agonizing embarrassment and pain.

"I was so concerned about Abbott I didn't even know I was hurt," Harper said. "I was just waiting for those little [expletive] [expletive] to come back and [expletive] with me or my dog again. I beat the [expletive] out of both of those dumb [expletive] and I'll do it again."

Abbott was taken to the vet and is being treated for his wounds. He is expected to fully recover. Harper stitched herself up, sat back, turned on Domination by heavy metal band Pantera, and enjoyed a few ice cold Shiner beers, as GGDF News 420 reported. Her husband and children finally were able to talk her into getting checked out at the hospital just to be safe. We were told by staff at Poconos Medical Center that Harper does excellent suturing and that she would be back to 100% and kicking black bear butt in just a few days. The bears could not be reached for comment.; or follow him at

Gotdam Michael! Excellent job reporting the relevance and epic fucking coolness of Harper's ass-kickin' vacation. You indeed are an excellent journalist, and I commend you for your honest and unbiased reporting. You can tell a lot of hard work and determination went into your piece. That is rare and hard to find in today's media. You covered it all, and I think that's cool. BUT.... it will never be as fucking cool as Harper!

This is the last thing those two bears will remember of Harper.
And that is so fucking cool!

For CharlieDelta

I shudder to think how much jizz CD has squirted all over his computer monitor since leaving his job. But, anyway, here's your Susanna Hoffs fix for the day. Clean up after yourself.

This is actually a pretty good track or you can just skip ahead to 2:50. I'd hit that like a screen door in a hurricane!

America's Finest Niggers XV

This has now become a weekly occurrence. Like a shitty sitcom. Witness the bottom of the human gene pool. Also known as the NIGGER: two legged monkeys with very tiny brains.

Monday, November 21, 2011

FOD: OWS Edition

Joe Walsh does it better than most!!

With a little original recipe thrown into the mix.

Medicine For A Manic Monday

I absolutely hate Mondays most of the time, and I've got nothing for FOD, so how about a little Susanna Hoffs to brighten up what would normally be another manic monday? I've had a crush on this babe since I was a teenager. After all these years she is still a complete knockout! She called me earlier this afternoon just to check in and see how I was doing. She reminded me The Bangles are touring right now and that she hoped to see me at the show when they get to San Diego. You bet I'll be there, sweetie.

This is a pic I took of her backstage at a show in Australia in 2009.

And here's a little clip from The Bangles' 2011 tour. She wrote this song for me in 1986. Some people, mostly jealous women, claim that Prince wrote this song and gave it to The Bangles, but that is a load of crap. The beautiful Susanna Hoffs wrote this song after I told her how much I hated Mondays.

See you soon Sweetie! <3

(Mon.) Harper is So Fucking Cool...

How fucking cool is she? Well let me tell ya... Harper is so fucking cool that she was able to pull off one of the best pranks in the history of prankin' people. Y'all remember about a month ago when TOTUS was stolen right out from under the nose of the Secret Service? If you smoked a lot of dope in college and suffer from permanent short term memory loss, maybe this will help refresh your memory.

HENRICO, VA – A truck carrying President Obama’s teleprompter and audio equipment was stolen days before his visit to a local kindergarten.

President Obama’s Teleprompter, or TOTUS (teleprompter of the United States), was stolen right in front of the Secret Service in Virginia.

Right in front of the Secret Service. You hear that? Secret Service folks, not just some rent-a-cop borrowed from the parking lot of the 24 hr. Fitness. We're talking highly skilled dudes trained to kill, or be killed to protect TOTUS from spit-balls, eggs, flaming bags of dog shit, etc.

The President was livid and had to cancel his speech in front of a class of kindergarten students. "I had my speech all planned out, I was going to tell the kids to eat some vegetables, or donuts, or something, but I don’t remember, and I wanted them to think about something important like the NBA, but I forgot what I was going to say. I feel terrible that I had to cancel. They deserve to hear me."

Yup. Harper is so fucking cool that she got The President "livid" and had him so rattled that he couldn't even speak before kindergarten children. If any of those kindergartners parents are reading this, you should send your "Thank You" letters, flowers, boxes of chocolates, tickets for 10-day cruises, cash, diamonds, cases of Shiner Bock, etc. directly to Harper. That's the least you could do for her epic fucking coolness and saving your children from becoming potential future libtards. She even had the DoD walking in circles confused and frazzled!

The Department of Defense confirmed the heist, but did not want to speculate on who stole the equipment. But WWN talked to sources close the Teleprompter.

“It was probably the Tea Party trying to stop the President from talking about the economy again, and others think it’s an inside job,” said Dr. Badu Merkti of the Defense Department. "There are a lot members of the President’s Cabinet who are jealous of Totus, because of all the time the teleprompter gets to spend with the President. Totus might not have the President’s ears, but he has his eyes – all the time."

WRONG! Thanks for playin' Dr. Merkti. Please try again douchebag...

Other Democrats feel that Republicans pulled off the heist to stop the President from talking to the kindergarteners, potential voters in 2012. Why on earth would they think that kindergarteners can vote? Because the President is actually threatening an Executive Order allowing them to. “They can count to ten and then can tell blue from red, that’s more than a lot of Republicans,” said Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary. “The President feels kindergarteners are fully human and should be able to vote for him, um for President.”

You can read the whole story here, but you cannot argue with just how fucking cool Harper is for pulling off the greatest prank in the history of the world. Well you can try, but you will end up looking like a total fuckin' moron with your head up your ass. Or even worse, you'll look like POTUS without TOTUS. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Harper, you fucking rock!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

(Sun.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool...

How cool you may ask? Well I'll tell ya. Harper is so fucking cool that when I moved to a new house a couple years ago, she sent me a badass 8'x12' official U.S. Flag that was flown over the United States Capitol as a house warming gift. This thing was huge! And it got me to have the landlord fix the light by the flagpole that was already there. How did she know how much I love and appreciate the Stars and Stripes? Well, Harper is just that fucking cool, duh! It was by far the best house warming gift I have ever received. Seriously. Bad. Fucking. Ass.

I am pissed off right now because I can't find the picture I took of Old Glory hoisted proudly atop the 20' flagpole the day it showed up on my doorstep. I've looked through endless folders on my external drive and can't find that damn pic. But I did find the pictures of the RoastMyWeenie set that Harper sent me as another thoughtful and practical gift for when I went camping. So. Fucking. Cool. I wish I had the conversation recorded when I busted these things out after everyone was good and hammered around the campfire. The shit talking just kept going and going. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard. Good times. If you still doubt just exactly how cool Harper is, you are a mega-doooosh and should probably check into a 12-step program for Mega-Doooosh Anonymous, because frankly you are one.

And I have to correct you Harper, I do have to post a daily example of your "so fucking coolness." I am a drunk of my word. I assumed Paul would pull this one off and had a maniacal plan of a week's worth of CBU's in store for him, but you sneaked in there with that awesome ambush and took us both out. Fair is fair. Besides, I can improvise, overcome and adapt to nearly anything. This is baby food... :-)

Saturday, November 19, 2011

(Sat.) Harper Is So Fucking Cool...

How cool you may ask? Well, lemme tell ya... Harper is so fucking cool that she was the first to answer my Pantera trivia question a couple posts down. That right there is all the proof I needed that she was fucking cool. Well, I already knew that from partying with her at Blownstar a couple times, but this sealed the deal. I had my money on Paul for this one, but apparently he was too busy kicking someone's punk ass for selling him a sack of Mexi dirt-weed full of those stems and seeds that you don't need. So as promised, I will be posting a daily post about how fucking cool Harper is for one full week, this being the first of the series...

Harper is so fucking cool, that not only did she answer my trivia question correctly, she did it in impressive time with pure confidence and conviction. If that wasn't enough to understand just how fucking cool Harper is, how about the fact that she has partied with Pantera! Did you hear that? Partied. With. Pantera! Do you know anyone that can say they've partied with Pantera? Didn't think so! I mean, I've done shots and smoked joints with the boys of the Beat Farmers on many occasions, but this is fucking Pantera we're talking about! The Cowboys From Hell for cryin' out loud! One of my all time favorite metal bands.

If this first example is not enough for you to understand just how fucking cool Harper is, you're probably a douchebag that listens to New Kids on the Block and Justin Bieber and masturbates to your posters of Lady Gaga anyways. You're beyond hopeless. A loser! Especially when you try to stack up against the epic fucking coolness of Harper.

Cheers Harper! Well done! I hope my prize payoff can live up to your expectations and satisfaction. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go try and remove my foot from my trivia-question-asking mouth...

Perfect Timing!

So the answer to CDs trivia question is Pantera's "Domination"

Harper answered it first (damnit!!). And it's so fitting that this song would even come up on this particular weekend. Because the Dallas Cowboys are in Washington, DC to kick some Redskins ass tomorrow!! And we all know how much Harper absolutely HATES!!! the Cowboys and LOVES!! the Redskins. In fact, there are several things in this world that will make her blood boil like...

Congress, Obama, Occutards, barking moonbats, pedophiles, Yankees, slow drivers in the fast lane, cold eggs, Pillsbury doughboy, Barney, Teletubbies, the radio ad: "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr. Healey. You're blind for fucks sake. Mexican dirtweed (well that's mine because I got stuck with a $40 bag of this shit last week but I'm sure Harper hates that shit, too), wetbacks, Asian drivers, Burger King, the French, sweaty balls, toe cheese, deez niggers in south Dallas, Toyota Prius...should I keep going? Love ya Harper!

Fuck You, I'm Drunk! Fucked Up Just Right!

It's late Friday into the early morning hours of Saturday and I'm feelin' good right now. I mean, really good! Really good and drunk. I came across this bitchen song while I was searching for something else on YouTube. I can't say that I've ever heard any Bondo before, but apparently this tune is one of theirs. Great song. I'm going to have to put together a compilation cd one of these days with nothing but songs about getting fucked up. This would be a great one for around the campfire.

This is the song I was looking for when I drunkenly stumbled upon the Bondo tune above. If anyone can guess who Suicidal Tendencies stole the rhythm guitar parts of this jam from, I will post everyday for one full week a different example of how fucking cool you are. Because really, if you can get this there is no question in my mind how fucking cool you are. You gotta name the band, song, and album. The rhythm guitar parts I'm talking about are the same and they're at 0:09, 0:40, 1:59, 3:41, 4:26 .

And I guess I shouldn't say Suicidal "stole" it from anyone. It just sounds exactly the same to me. Maybe Mike Clark had never even heard this band I'm referring to before. I mean, Mike Clark is a badass in his own right. Who knows? My buddy burned me a shitload of Suicidal cd's a few days ago that I haven't heard in a long fucking time, and when this song came on I noticed the rhythm guitar right away. If it's not identical, it's fuckin' close. Same chords for sure.

I'm pretty confident that no one is going to be able to get this, or even come close. But what the hell. Here are some hints:
  1. I have posted the band and song here at GGDF before. Maybe a couple times.
  2. It was a live performance that I posted, both times.
  3. The album was recorded in TX and released in 1990.
  4. The band has toured right alongside Suicidal Tendendies.
  5. The song is the 6th track on their studio album and has been covered by a Finnish band, a Spanish band, a kick-ass metal band from Wales, and a band from Texas.
Good luck...

Friday, November 18, 2011

More Friday Jams

I'm Lovin' It? What A Kroc!

Ya know, even after seeing dozens of these types of videos over the years, and now all of these in the AFN series, the ones that take place in fast food joints, I never really pondered much about how sad it really is, and how scarey it must be to be a kid in today's fucked up world. I mean, I've noticed how much society has degenerated into a bunch of degenerate fucks in just the last 20 years alone. No shit! Who hasn't noticed that? I've seen so much of this type of shit on the news and in person that I've become immune to any emotional reaction from it. After all, it's just a bunch of stupid niggers anyways right? Just out doin' their thing and gettin' their nig on, yo! Well, actually in my case it was mainly the beaners. O'delay! Just out doin' their thing and gettin' their bean on, essay! If it was white trash doing this shit, I would be equally as unaffected and immune to any type of feeling. I have just become numb to it all.

But for some reason, when I watched that feral nigger in the AFN XIV video below punch the girl in a McDonalds it gave me a reaction. I mean McDonalds is supposed to be a happy place right? A safe place? A guy punching a girl in the face like that is never acceptable! Never! Well...actually....there are some exceptions that I would find knocking some bitch out perfectly acceptable. Like, if that nigger punched Rosie O' Fatfuck, Cindy Shithann or Cuntessa Brewer in the face, I would probably buy him a 20pk of chicken nuggets, a 40 of King Kobra, and a blunt! But then again, can those haggered bitches really be considered women?

But seriously, I don't know why it was different this time. Is it because I can remember as a kid how much of a treat it was to go to McDonalds? How I don’t remember there being hoards of niggers infesting the World Famous McDonalds franchise when I was a little kid? Even as a teenager I don’t remember ever being worried about a beat-down in the line to get a fucking Big Mac, fries and coke. What a shame. Why do niggers always have to ruin a good thing?

Raymond Kroc, in 1954 turned a small burger flippin’ joint into the biggest and most recognized, most successful fast food chain in history! He was a successful entrepreneur, philanthropist, and San Diego Padres owner. He established the Ronald McDonald House Charities, and was a major donor to other honorable organizations. He was a man with love in his heart. He was a man with my admiration and complete respect. They don’t make men like Ray Kroc anymore, which is a shame. He passed away in January of 1984 at Scripps Memorial Hospital in San Diego. He was 81 years old. God bless his soul.