Monday, November 14, 2011

Yes Please....ON! On NOW! RIGHT NOW!!!!

I'm sure you've heard of the "smart phone", "smart car", "smart home", "smart pages", etc? Well, I just got home after test driving the latest in "smart" vehicles, the all new 2012 "Smart F-150" by Ford Motor Company. I've owned only one Ford in my lifetime and it was a lifted '87 Ranger ,2WD 4-banger that I bought when I was 18. It was the first vehicle I bought by myself without Dad along to prevent the sour taste of lemon, and it was the first truck I ever owned. I drove the piss out of that truck, and bombed it all over the desert like it was 4WD and I was in the Baja 500. I beat the shit out of it and it kept getting me where I wanted to go until one day when I was about 22 or 23 yrs. old on the 905 westbound in a hurry to get to Imperial Beach to buy a sack of dope before by buddy bailed for work. In my haste to get there, I passed a station wagon full of wetbacks who were doing about 50mph in the #1 lane. There was no room to pass them on the right, so I flew by them on the dirt shoulder doing about 80mph. When I went to move back over into the #1 lane, the rear of the truck came out from under me. I didn't see it comin', but as soon as those rear tires slid onto the pavement they grabbed, and I was in a Dukes of Hazard barrel roll. I don't remember anything after feeling the truck starting to go over, but the witnesses on the accident report said I rolled at least four times and then skid to a halt on the roof of the cab. I never knew I even rolled it until I read the accident report. All I remember is the truck starting to go over and then the sound of the cab sliding across the asphalt. That's it.

Here's what was left of the cab when I went to retrieve my tools, cassettes, and other shit that I didn't realize the towing yard wetbacks already retrieved for themselves. Putos!
My only injury in the accident was a split open knuckle down to the tendon on my left hand, which I can only guess was from my hand maybe breaking the driver's side glass at some point. That was it for me. But, I did lose a good friend that day because of my wreckless driving. He would ride shotgun with me everywhere I went. Everywhere! That good friend was "Graffix".** I didn't need a fancy name for him. I called him Graffix. The Graffix logo was the shit back then. Only the folks in the know, knew what it represented, and I was proud to bust him out at parties and "wow" the rookies with the cheezy Vans logos on their lame water-assisted party tool. He wasn't buckled up so he launched out the window during the roll and he was confiscated (stolen) by CHP, along with a 1/2 oz of bud and some bitchen binoculars my grandmother had given me for Christmas a few years before, God rest her soul. Fuckin' CHP thieves! Bastards!

Anyways, my only injury in the rollover was to my left hand, and it was a minor injury considering what could've easily been my grand exit from the stage of life. Ever since that day, I have had nothing bad to say about Ford trucks except for the body design of the late '90's models. Other than that, my experience driving, flipping and surviving a high speed rollover in one will always keep my door open to consideration of a Ford when shopping for a truck.

The fact that Ford basically told Cooncracker to shove his "bailout" up his ass, puts them in the #2 spot, just behind Toyota and in front of the rest as far as a primary vehicle goes. I don't care what anyone says, Toyota trucks are the best trucks I have ever owned. Hands down. No question. Nothing anyone says can change my mind either. I'm speaking from my experience with Toyota and that can't be changed, so to the Toyota bashers out there...Fuck off!

But I had to get one of these new Smart F-150's. I've been reading a lot of raves about the advances in technology, and superior "smarts" that this truck has included in it's base stock model, and it was too good to pass up. This afternoon, I bit the bullet and spent money I don't have, and drove this Smart Badass truck right off the lot and couldn't be happier. It's like this truck knows me better than anyone.

The advances in technology these days are increasing exponentially by the minute. It's almost scary what computers can do these days. It completely blows my mind how far it's come in the last decade. Like tonight, for instance.... How in the FUCK did this truck know that I had Taco Bell and wayyyyyyyyy too much tequila last night???? Isn't that crazy how it just knew??? I think I'm going to have to take advantage of this advanced technology and leave that feature "ON" for the next few days. Whew!


** After reflecting back on those days nearly two decades ago and how quality built and just plain badass Graffix products were, it made me want to get one for old times sake and keep it around to surprise someone that was "in the know" about Graffix.

I did a google search and spent 30 minutes in a fucking maze of different websites advertising they sold Graffix but it was just a ploy to get me to their low budget bullshit website and browse their low quality and lame merchandise. If anyone has a Graffix they want to sell, or know where I can get an old school Graffix water-assisted party tool, let me know would ya? I would probably even settle for a sticker just to put somewhere in the open and see who comments on it. Those were some fine times let me tell you...

Like my dad used to say about everything from cars, to toys, to power tools and just about everything else, "They sure don't make 'em like they used to anymore." The only problem I'm having right now is that they don't make them at all anymore. I guess I wasn't the only huge fan of those quality built Graffix products. Built Graffix Tough!

16 comments:

CenTexTim said...

I need a Courtesy Wipe to clean up the coffee I just spewed on my keyboard. LMAO!

BTW - I've been driving Fords since the 1970s. I've got a 1995 F-150 in the garage right now that I use as my work/hunting truck when I'm home. But it doesn't have a Courtesy Wipe :-(

Bear said...

If I was the dope-smokin' kind, I'd swear we were kinfolk, somehow...

I used to run in an ol' '87 Danger Ranger as well. Although I never got around to rollin' it (my older brother did when it was his), I did beat the livin' piss outta it while I had it. That fuckin' thing was bombproof though, and served me well for several years.

Eventually I bestowed it to my little brother when I got my hands on a '91 Yota Pickup. That little Toyota truck is quite simply the best vehicle that I've operated, hands down. Easy to drive, comfortable, and will go just about anywhere in 4WD. 280K and still going strong. Doesn't offer the courtesy wipe, though.

p.s. Congrats on the new purchase, and I'll check with my buddy... he's got a pretty extensive collection of water-assisted party tools, although he may be too young to have a Graffix.

kerrcarto said...

How did you manage to transition from a new truck to a bong? Drunken fucker.

CharlieDelta said...

Bear-
I know exactly what you're talking about with being able to go anywhere in one of those Toyotas. I had a '93, and beat the dog piss out of that too. I laugh when I see these clowns with their big-ass trucks, suspension and body lifts, all the 4x4 bells and whistles, and never take it off road. And when they encounter one of those trecherous speed bumps in a parking lot, they creep over it like they're in a Lamborghini or something. I've owned nothing but 4WD trucks since I shit the bed in that Ranger. I buy a truck to use it. And I buy one with 4WD because I use that too. When we go camping, we make a point to go where it's 4WD access only. And don't forget about that little 22R 4-banger. That is the easiest and most reliable engine I've ever worked on. And when I say, "worked on" I mean routine maintenance(oil changes, plugs, air filter, etc.), changing gear oil in the differentials and transfer case every 20k, and brakes. I also had to replace the alternator, starter, and thermostat at some point, but it was laughable how easy that was. Other than that, all I had to do was keep oil in it and fill it with gas, and I was in business. I had 260k+ on that truck when I sold it in 2005 and bought the '99 Tacoma I'm driving right now. I pop the hood on this one and scratch my head. V6 and computerized like fucking NASA. To the day I regret selling that '93. I would probably have 300k by now, and that 22R would still be purring.

kerrcarto-
LMAO! I don't know dude. I blame it on not smoking bowls. I've been scatter-brained for almost a full month now. Beer and whiskey are good, but burning some bud just takes the edge of and evens everything out. AND, more importantly, keeps me focused on one thing, whatever it may be. Hell, my response to Bear (above) is proof enough that I really need to smoke a bowl. I wanted to keep that to maybe just a few sentences...

Oh yeah, and I didn't buy a new truck. You guys think I have money or something? I'm fucking unemployed and I'm getting fucked on collecting unemployment. And I'm moving all my shit across three states in a couple months. And I drink a lot of beer. And smoke a lot of cigarettes.

That was just me trying to be clever and (finally) get to the point of the post, the "Courtesy Wipe." I'm not an SRF like Denny. I'm more like a SBF. I'm snotty, and I'm a fuck, but I'm a broke fuck.

rayvet said...

There's an F250 Diesel with my name on it at the local dealership. Problem is time of year (Holidays) and wife saying I need to sell the Harley and my dirt bike(I never ride either) before I spend a dump truck of cash on a truck. I can't wait until after the New Year. I won't have to tow my tractor with my 11 year old, not made for 5,000lbs towing Grand Cherokee. I too like Ford because of their refusal to partake in socialism. Now if they could only get rid of the unions, they'd be my favorite company in the US.

Harper said...

Hey, CD, Graffix has a website - and they sell stickers. There are lots of smoke shops in Texas that carry their products, get your ass here and I'll buy you a housewarming present.

Denny said...

CD - Dude! Awesome gift that you gave me.

AlphaDelta sent me a video of your grandmother. It explains a lot.

420 dude!

Denny said...

Forgot to mention that I had a 1983 Toyota 3/4 ton pickup that I put a popup camper on. Drove the shit out of it. The oil pump got fucked up and I blew the main bearing. This was in 1998. Got a lot of use out of that truck. Bought a 1998 Nissan Frontier to replace it. Never had a lick of trouble with it. Sold it last year for $3000. 15 years for the Toyota. 12 years for the Nissan. Would have gotten more years out of the Toyota if I had taken better care of it.

CharlieDelta said...

Harper-
I looked all over the place for a Graffix site and kept getting the same shit with lame bong and weed shops that "tag" (or whatever) Graffix so when you Google it, their site pops up and they don't have shit. They probably haven't ever smoked out of one, just heard it was once a "cool" stoner thing. What's the site, and how did you find it? I must've been really fucked up when I was looking because I searched for over 30 minutes easily. If all goes as planned, I'll be living out there sometime in Jan. 2012. I gotta find a job first though. Maybe I'll take you up on the housewarming present once I'm working and all settled in. :-)

Right on Denny. Glad you liked it. I first started looking for a live DVD, but then I came across "Warchest". The name alone already had me getting my Visa out of my wallet. When I saw all the music on there too, I just couldn't pass it up. Glad it got there on the 11th like they told me it would. I'm tired of having to yell at people for blowing smoke up my ass and haggling for weeks just to get a refund on the shipping.

I've never owned a Nissan, but know people that have. Nice trucks. Same dependability as the Yota's. Almost like they're truck cousins. Those Japs really know what they're doing don't they?

Harper said...

www.graffix.com

CharlieDelta said...

Duh! Now why didn't I think of that? Thanks, darlin...

CharlieDelta said...

I see they're out of Tuscon, which I'll be passing through on my way to a new place to call home. Kind of a crappy site though. Rolling papers, rolling machines, and hookahs?? I mean, c'mon already. I'll roll free-hand or let someone else free-hand one, and I'm not college years old or hanging out with frat-boys so I really don't need or want a hookah. Just a late '80's/early 90's style Graffix bong. It doesn't even have to be glass. Glass is where it's at, but I would settle for a little 16" acrylic if I could find one. I sent them an email and asked if they still even made them anymore...

Anonymous said...

I have 2 old graffix that are completely cleaned out and am wanting to sell them. 1 is glass and looks like the one you have posted but not quite the same and the other is plastic. if your interested my email is dlsamble40@aim.com. thanks and merry christmas

Dawn said...

sorry nevr posted i have 2 clean graffix 1 glass 1 plastic if your interested email me.

pheephee said...

hey, I have n 18" glass graphix, but it has iridescent glass and a rainbow base. I will never sell!!!!! whahahahaaaa!

Steven Ciavola said...

I have 2 vintage 1990s bongs by graffix. The evil clown and jester. Approx. 2ft. Glass. Ceramic bases. Never used the word is mint. Haven't seen these anywhere on the net. And I will sell them for the right price. text for pics 1-561-512-6281