July 27th of this year will be the 10 year anniversary of the worst night in the history of my driving and/or law breaking career. What a shitty night. The night in jail was no big deal compared to what followed me after that. Don't get me wrong, it fucking sucked being in jail like some kind of violent criminal. Jail was freezing cold, standing room only and if you were lucky enough to have to take a shit, there was one nasty toilet (with no paper) literally in the middle of the cell. No walls, particians, pieces of cardboard or anything but a toilet and you were literally surrounded by a bunch of heroin junkies, bums and wetbacks. Lucky for me I didn't even have to take a leak in the 7 hours I spent in there.
But jail was the easiest part of the whole experience. What comes after jail, what you learn for the first time from the judge in the courtroom, is where I was completely floored. I knew the fine was huge and thought I'd be picking up litter on the sides of the highway like you see every fucking day, but there were a lot I didn't have a fucking clue was coming my way. If having a suspended license for a month and having to ride a bicycle to work at 30 years old wasn't bad enough, they made sure I would feel the wrath of those MADD lobbyists with a 3 month restricted license (to and from work and DUI classes only), then 3 months of DUI Class followed by 6 months of DUI Group and AA Meetings at 2 per week for 6 months. DUI Group was a room full of people with one thing in common and nothing else. It was nothing but arguments or crying or some kind of douchebag soap opera on Lifetime Channel or something. It was horribly mind numbing! I just wanted to punch people in there. 2 1/2 hours with these dumb fucks every Tuesday for 6 months. The only reason I avoided going to jail for assaulting one of those assholes was because I was higher than this every Tuesday from 5:30-8:00 for 6 months.
Because the blood in my alcohol system was 0.25, the judge scolded me for being a wasteoid drunk that obviously has "no regard for the rule of law" because I tripled the legal limit. I heard some guy behind me mutter, "holy shit!" right when I was thinking the same thing. LMAO! That was the first time I had learned what my BAC was. Some people in the courtroom laughed when he was reprimanding me and that didn't make him happy either. And because I was over 0.20 he couldn't be more happy to bump my sentence up to double the classes, double the groups, and double the meetings. And you might think those classes and groups are included in the fine ($8.5k at the time), but you would be wrong. I don't remember how much I had to shell out for the classes and groups but it was close to $4k for both. I can't imagine what the fine is up to now, and how much extra shit has been tacked onto the sentence for driving drunk, but there's one thing I know for sure, Mr. Lakarnafeaux just royally feauxed himself with this hat trick! You have to give it to the guy though, he sure is a persistent motherfucker isn't he?
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge
Maybe Dave Lakarnafeaux can throw down the Calvin Coolidge Card and use that for his defense. BWAHAHAHAHA! I have a feeling though, he is guaranteed an ass-feauxing of a lifetime. Good luck you unlucky drunk bastard. Don't forget the lube!