Friday, April 6, 2012

Good Friday

As some of you might already know, I only drink on days that end in "Y." With Good Friday upon us, it's time to crack open that 18-pack and get this weekend started! Don't be a pussy; have a dangerous and unsafe great Easter weekend.

May you have lots of beer that never ends,
tons of money, and a shitload of friends.
Health be yours, whatever you do,
and may Good Friday beers bring blessings to you!

And did you know that there are eight stages of alcohol consumption? You can find all eight here, but their description of the eighth and final stage almost had me shooting beer out my nostrils. (Strikethrough edit is mine.) For some reason, Paul came to mind...

Stage 8:  During this final stage, everything that comes out of your mouth sounds like a cross between Fat Albert’s Mushmouth and Kurt Cobain (after he blew his head off.) You will have no recollection of what you do at this point, but you will stumble around your house eating whatever stale snack foods you have in your cupboard and then fall asleep on your couch while trying to masturbate to late-night infomercials. The next day you will wake up with a dry mouth, a splitting headache and an extremely flaccid penis in your hand (thankfully hopefully it’s your own.)


1 comment:

kerrcarto said...

Happy Easter! I hope Jesus brings you lot's of candy.