Sunday, June 24, 2012

Public Service Announcement

FALL 2012 Classes for Women
at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Sat., OCT 23, 2012

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or complaining About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the friendly fucks at GGDF...

8 comments:

Harper said...

Across the Quad, the men will meet for:

1. How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

2. The Toilet Paper Roll—Does it Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

3. Is it Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

4.Fundamental Differences between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

5. Dinner Dishes—Can They Levitate and Fly into the Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

6. Loss of Identity—Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

7. Learning How to Find Things—Starting with Looking in the Right Places and Not Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

8. Health Watch—Bringing Her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

9. Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

10. Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

11. Learning to Live—Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

12. How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

13. How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy—Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

14. The Stove/Oven—What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

CharlieDelta said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Touche' Harper...

CharlieDelta said...

10. Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

This class would be a waste of valuable beer drinking hours, so I'll answer this one for any guys who might be unsure:

YES!

Why? Because women throughout history, here in the present, and in the foreseeable future simply are not capable of parallel parking with any reasonable competence at any level or capacity...

PeggyU said...

Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

No, but they will fit neatly up a man's bum, and that's a great way to keep them from burning the counter top while they cool down. :D

CenTexTim said...

"How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion"

Take a hip flask.

Greg said...

#12 - You can ask him to do it, or tell him how to do it...not both.

#13 - TV/Movie Trade-off - For every 'Twilight' you make him watch with you, you should be willing to quietly sit through something with shooting, explosions, and Chuck Norris.

#14 - Organizational Diiferences - He won't touch your cosmetic table, so stop 'cleaning' his garage!!

#15 - Consideration - Whatever you bought your Mom for Mother's Day is just fine with him. Just grab one for his mom, too.

CharlieDelta said...

CTT- Exactly, but that's in addition to throwin' a few back at the local watering hole beforehand .

Greg- Outstanding! I will have to forward your ideas to the staff at the learning center for deliberation. Maybe there's enough time to add those classes to the fall schedule. At the very minimum they better add #13 because that's a critical one...

Claude said...

This was fun reading. I wish I had had a sense of humour when raising my sons. Now that they have given me peace by leaving and going to their adult life, I would not be missing so much the messes they created and our screaming sessions.