gottagetdrunkfirst

Remember. Blacks Can't Be Racist?

2012-02-01T17:54:00.002-06:00

The goodness starts about the 11 minute mark. Start it, let it load, grab some popcorn, a beer and watch the lefty racism ensue.

Green Shoots

2012-01-31T16:31:00.001-06:00

Fucking finally! You know that feeling of satisfaction you get when your hard work starts showing signs of fruition?

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

2012-01-30T21:22:00.006-06:00

For those not in the know. That is Valerie Jarret,one of Obama's longest serving advisors and a Van Jones (communist) lover, Newt "the conservative" , Al Sharpton (dirtbag) of resist we much fame and the cooncracker (marxist). I do not know the context of the conversation in this picture but there are three people in that room that I would not carry one on with.

Thanks to, root (whoever you are) for the picture.

And not to be biased.

That would be Jeb Bush, H.W. Bush and the Cooncracker. This last Friday.

Nah, we aren't fucked at all...

Rip It Off

2012-01-30T12:46:00.000-06:00

Well, Herman Cain endorsed Newt. I guess it is time for my Cain vs Unable bumper sticker to go on the beer fridge along with all the other old political stickers.

FOD: Off

2012-01-30T10:43:00.003-06:00

I spent the entire day yesterday at the Little League fields watering the recently sown ryegrass, fixing scoreboards and p.a systems and running the pitching machine for The Girl to get some batting practice in. Since I am all caught up at work, I am taking the day off. Man, I love being self-employed. The hours and taxes suck, but the benefits are sweet sometimes.

So, I am going to BBQ some South Texas Rib Eyes get a few things done around the house and relax with a few Shiner Bocks this afternoon.

Plus go water the fucking fields again.

So, on my Sunday on a Monday I offer Obama a whole hearted "Fuck You!". Marxist asshole.

UPDATE: Well scratch the BBQ it is supposed to rain. But I will take the rain. That means I can sit on my ass and not have to worry about watering today. I guess it will be Teriyaki Pork Stir Fry.

2012 Wish List

2012-01-29T18:37:00.004-06:00

There is a lot more that I would add to this list, but it's good for starters...

Go To Church

2012-01-29T11:18:00.002-06:00

My wife says we need to go to church more.

I just did.

Brutal

2012-01-28T17:42:00.002-06:00

Well, it looks like it's gonna be another brutal winter. Better stock up on beer...

Friday

2012-01-27T18:21:00.007-06:00

It's Friday and I'm outta here! If I don't get kicked out for sparking up inside the restaurant this time, the bar @ Donato's is where you can find me until after they close. I'll be the guy not wearing some form of NASCAR paraphernalia. Have a great weekend, bitches!

Down The Rabbit Hole We Go

2012-01-25T21:09:00.000-06:00

"What no one seemed to notice was the ever widening gap between the government and the people. And it became always wider...the whole process of its coming into being, was above all diverting, it provided an excuse not to think...for people who did not want to think anyway gave us some dreadful, fundamental things to think about...and kept us so busy with continuous changes and 'crises' and so fascinated...by the machinations of the 'national enemies,' without and within, that we had no time to think about these dreadful things that were growing, little by little, all around us...

"Each step was so small, so inconsequential, so well explained or, on occasion, 'regretted,' that unless one understood what the whole thing was in principle, what all these 'little measures'...must some day lead to, one no more saw it developing from day to day than a farmer in his field sees the corn growing...Each act is worse than the last, but only a little worse. You wait for the next and the next.

"You wait for one great shocking occasion, thinking that others, when such a shock comes, will join you in resisting somehow. You don't want to act, or even talk, alone...you don't want to 'go out of your way to make trouble.' But the one great shocking occasion, when tens or hundreds or thousands will join with you, never comes.

"That's the difficulty. The forms are all there, all untouched, all reassuring, the houses, the shops, the jobs, the mealtimes, the visits, the concerts, the cinema, the holidays. But the spirit, which you never noticed because you made the lifelong mistake of identifying it with the forms, is changed. Now you live in a world of hate and fear, and the people who hate and fear do not even know it themselves, when everyone is transformed, no one is transformed.

"You have accepted things you would not have accepted five years ago, a year ago, things your father...could never have imagined."

Milton Mayer, They Thought They Were Free, The Germans, 1938-45 (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1955)

No One Likes A Quitter...

2012-01-25T20:45:00.010-06:00

My buddy sent me this article from Sunday about some local drunkard that has managed to rack up 3 DUI's in under a week. Holy shit! This guy is royally fucked!!! I know first hand what it's like to have one DUI and that was shitty! It also was almost 10 years ago and I'm sure less harsh than it is now or will be next year. For his sake, I hope this guy brings plenty of lube with him to sentencing cause he's gonna get ass-fucked like never before. Courtesy of the State of Commiefornia and the MADD lobbyists across this nation. Maybe David Lakarnafeaux should study up a little about it from this version of DAMM before he makes his court appearance. They're goal is to protect Constitutional rights, unlike the idiotic and childish other DAMM that only tries to instigate and provoke grieving mothers and widows that have been brainwashed by the DUI industry after losing a child or husband from a DUI.

July 27th of this year will be the 10 year anniversary of the worst night in the history of my driving and/or law breaking career. What a shitty night. The night in jail was no big deal compared to what followed me after that. Don't get me wrong, it fucking sucked being in jail like some kind of violent criminal. Jail was freezing cold, standing room only and if you were lucky enough to have to take a shit, there was one nasty toilet (with no paper) literally in the middle of the cell. No walls, particians, pieces of cardboard or anything but a toilet and you were literally surrounded by a bunch of heroin junkies, bums and wetbacks. Lucky for me I didn't even have to take a leak in the 7 hours I spent in there.

But jail was the easiest part of the whole experience. What comes after jail, what you learn for the first time from the judge in the courtroom, is where I was completely floored. I knew the fine was huge and thought I'd be picking up litter on the sides of the highway like you see every fucking day, but there were a lot I didn't have a fucking clue was coming my way. If having a suspended license for a month and having to ride a bicycle to work at 30 years old wasn't bad enough, they made sure I would feel the wrath of those MADD lobbyists with a 3 month restricted license (to and from work and DUI classes only), then 3 months of DUI Class followed by 6 months of DUI Group and AA Meetings at 2 per week for 6 months. DUI Group was a room full of people with one thing in common and nothing else. It was nothing but arguments or crying or some kind of douchebag soap opera on Lifetime Channel or something. It was horribly mind numbing! I just wanted to punch people in there. 2 1/2 hours with these dumb fucks every Tuesday for 6 months. The only reason I avoided going to jail for assaulting one of those assholes was because I was higher than this every Tuesday from 5:30-8:00 for 6 months.

Because the blood in my alcohol system was 0.25, the judge scolded me for being a wasteoid drunk that obviously has "no regard for the rule of law" because I tripled the legal limit. I heard some guy behind me mutter, "holy shit!" right when I was thinking the same thing. LMAO! That was the first time I had learned what my BAC was. Some people in the courtroom laughed when he was reprimanding me and that didn't make him happy either. And because I was over 0.20 he couldn't be more happy to bump my sentence up to double the classes, double the groups, and double the meetings. And you might think those classes and groups are included in the fine ($8.5k at the time), but you would be wrong. I don't remember how much I had to shell out for the classes and groups but it was close to $4k for both. I can't imagine what the fine is up to now, and how much extra shit has been tacked onto the sentence for driving drunk, but there's one thing I know for sure, Mr. Lakarnafeaux just royally feauxed himself with this hat trick! You have to give it to the guy though, he sure is a persistent motherfucker isn't he?

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge

Maybe Dave Lakarnafeaux can throw down the Calvin Coolidge Card and use that for his defense. BWAHAHAHAHA! I have a feeling though, he is guaranteed an ass-feauxing of a lifetime. Good luck you unlucky drunk bastard. Don't forget the lube!

Do Not Fuck With The Cops

2012-01-25T15:20:00.003-06:00

Dumbass brought a club to a gun fight. I bet you wish you didn't try to bum rush that cop now don't ya'.

The goodness starts at 00:30 and last until 00:56. The rest is just incoherent inner city babel.

You Scared Me

2012-01-25T14:01:00.001-06:00

Just look what happens when you let them drive!

Class Warfare

2012-01-24T22:44:00.002-06:00

So, the FWOTUS had Warren Buffet's secretary in her box tonight (get your head out of the gutter) for the SOTU telepromter reading two minutes of hate. I am sure the Cooncracker said something about her being unfairly taxed more than her boss (I'm taking a shot in the dark, because I didn't watch, but I know what the asshole is going to say before it comes out of his mouth). This is a bullshit argument. Which I will let people smarter and funnier than me explain.

If the CooncrackerMarxist wants Warren Buffet's secretary to pay the same tax rate as Warren, lower her fucking tax rate, don't raise his. And QUIT SPENDING SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY. I swear somedays my skull is barely strong enough to keep my head from exploding.

On The Road Again

2012-01-24T08:12:00.000-06:00

I talked to Paul last night and they were still stuck in Washington! I figured they would have been close to The Mother Land (Texas) by now. Nope, him and the boy are taking off today. He wants to be in Mitt Romney country by tomorrow (if I remember correctly). Safe travels brother. Enjoy the father son time. He will remember this the rest of his life.

America's Finest NWhiggers XVI

2012-01-23T19:08:00.001-06:00

Thanks for breeding a nation of ~~inconsiderate, little thug fucks~~ rap artists. Thanks a million.

Beware Of The Faarooq'in Backblast, Faakhir!

2012-01-23T12:57:00.006-06:00

For those of you that don't know what an RPG is "google" it. Those of you that are familiar with them also probably know that when the warhead is launched from the tube, there is a vicious backblast that exhausts from the rear of the tube. The "danger zone" of a backblast can reach as far back as 15-20 meters. That is a zone you want to be nowhere near when it's time for business. That being said, keep your eye on the stinkbeard with the RPG and then the dune coon directly behind the tube when the grenade is launched. Point blank backblast baby! It happens fast, under the 00:03 mark on the clip, so you have to pay attention. I had to watch it a couple of times to before I saw it, and then about 10 more times because it was so great. I have to wonder though, do even the dumbass jihadis get virgins when they go to hell?

BWAAHAHAHAA! Dingleberry Dune Coon wasn't even 12 inches from the tube when the fucker launched. That's one badass backblast, eh Muaadtheer Faakhir? ROTFLMFAO!

FOD

2012-01-23T10:45:00.005-06:00

Just a couple of thoughts for the day.

Take a piss on a cross, you're an artist and the rat fuck communists stand behind your right to do so. Shit on a police car, and you are named Person of the Year and the rat fuck communists stand behind your right to do so.

However, if you piss on a 7th century terrorist who just tried to kill you and your buddies. You are the worst person ever and the rat fuck communists will shriek like howler monkeys that you must be prosecuted for war crimes.

Did you know that since the Cooncracker classified the Fort Hood shootings "workplace violence", not a terrorist attack, none of the soldiers that were killed or wounded are eligible for a purple heart? Ain't that some bullshit?

Go sign the petition and tell the Commie in Chief to remedy this bullshit. Fucking asshole. Fuck you.

The 1970's

2012-01-22T15:42:00.006-06:00

This is when I grew up and I was doing exactly what this little kid is doing. No helmet, no pads, just balls of steel. If I got hurt doing something, I either learned my limitations or I kept getting hurt until I learned them. One thing's for sure, my folks never would've even thought of suing the Big Wheel manufacturers, or the stores that sold them without a "warning" label on ever side of the fucking box (in 5 different languages). The kids that are growing up today are growing up to be a bunch of little pussies, which means they will grow up to be a bunch of little liberal pussies. How sad! You liberals stifle liberty at every fucking level. Fuck you all!

Told Ya...

2012-01-20T21:20:00.004-06:00

...there would be more. The Shiner is flowing.

Friday Nada

2012-01-20T18:44:00.006-06:00

Things are finally starting to fall into place for me right now and I've got nothing to stress about for the next couple weeks, so I'll leave you for the weekend with one of my all time favorite songs that helps me put my life into perspective when it needs it. This is one of those times when I need to worry about absolutely fucking nada, so tonight I'll tip the bottle and bite the lime.

Have a great weekend.

Friday Jams

2012-01-20T13:47:00.000-06:00

I am sure there will be more later after a few Shiner Bocks. Happy Friday fuckers!

Breaking News

2012-01-20T13:33:00.001-06:00

United States Marines rescue Taliban sex slaves.

The Twelvers

2012-01-19T17:47:00.002-06:00

Want to know more about Ahminadinnerjacket? Go here and read this.

CA Money Tree Harvests $213,191,205.86 For DOT

2012-01-19T03:03:00.010-06:00

What is $213,191,205.86 you may ask? That's how many Mexican't pesos the Commiefornia Dept. of Transportation had laying around to be spent on whatever the fuck pointless, useless and moronic programs and projects that came flying out their ass in this time of record debt, a failing U.S. dollar, and sky high unemployment. For those of you that don't habla Wetbackanish money conversion, that is $1.6 million US dollars that the DOT is blowing on their "Federal Transportation Enhancement" project in Chicano Park right here in Slime Diego, Mexifornia. If you don't suffer from high blood pressure or don't have anything nearby that you might regret destroying at some point, you can read about it here. It's a short article with lots of pretty pictures of wetback graffiti, a dumbass local news reporter, and a complete waste of $1.6 million among other things. If you would like a perfect example of why I haven't watched local news in over a decade, check out the video. In another attempt to avoid a visit from the SS I'm going to have to stop writing now.

Seattle weather update for whoever gives a fuck

2012-01-18T14:29:00.002-06:00

Would somebody please tell me what the difference is between "Showers" and "Rain" WTF!!

Texas Weather Report For Paul

2012-01-18T12:43:00.003-06:00

Stuck in Seattle

2012-01-18T10:24:00.011-06:00

This fuckin' place just won't let us go!! We'll try tomorrow. Beer me!!

The .950 JDJ

2012-01-17T22:56:00.005-06:00

After seeing this I am adding another line to my bucket list. 277 foot pounds of recoil? Holy shit!

It wouldn't surprise me if Bear has already had some trigger time behind one of these.

It's showtime!

2012-01-16T20:25:00.014-06:00

Well, that's a wrap. I've got a Penske truck in my driveway with car transport in tow. The movers are showing up in the morning to move the heavy stuff. My daughter is flying to Dallas tomorrow afternoon. My son and I will pack up the rest of the house and load the remaining boxes into the truck by tomorrow night. It's been snowing since yesterday and we may get more tonight and tomorrow. So my son and I may wait until Thursday to depart. We're leaving a shit load of stuff behind. To take the hot tub or not to take the hot tub? That is the question. It's only a three-person unit, but it works fucking great! Fuck it. I might as well just bring it. I'll probably have some service show up and haul off whatever we leave in the house.

My Internet service will be cut off tomorrow. I'm packing up the computer tonight. I'll be back online sometime next week. I am devoid of all emotion, and this is by design. I've had to deal with emotional kids all weekend, but I think they're going to be alright. I got so fucked up with my friends over the weekend that I think they forgot I'm leaving. And that's the way I like it. We're slipping away quietly. It's easier this way.

This has been a great ride. I have lived in western Washington for most of my adult life. I got married and divorced here. I've had two children here. I completed my Masters degree here, and I worked for three different companies. I purchased two homes and lived in two apartments. I have boated on just about every major lake in the state. I sailed the San Juans. I've been kicked out of bars. I beat up a Chicago White Sox fan at a Mariners game. I've woken up in strange places. I got a blowjob in the Space Needle. I mistakenly fucked a married chick and was shot at by her husband. I pissed on Lenin's statue in Fremont. I've been chased by the cops. The Gorge is the best outdoor amphitheatre I've ever been to. Harbor Lights in Tacoma makes the best long island iced teas in the Pacific Northwest. Yes, Mt. Rainier is all that! Vancouver Island and the City of Victoria are gorgeous! Vancouver, British Columbia has the best strip clubs. Indians are inbred. Microsoft employees are a bunch of pussies. Crystal Mountain is a great place to ski. Whistler/Blackcomb in British Columbia is even better. There are too many Mexicans in Yakima. There are too many hippies in Nelson, BC. Spokane is the butthole of the Inland Empire. Walla Walla ain't shit and all hype. I fucking love Idaho! The Blue Angels put on their best show in Seattle. Silver Platters in Seattle and Bellevue are the best record stores in the entire universe. Upper Queen Anne is my favorite Seattle neighborhood. Oregon is weird I don't care what anyone says. Lake Chelan and Lake Cushman are the most gorgeous lakes in Washington. Leavenworth is a cool town. So is Anacortes. So is Gig Harbor. Olympia is not. Frank Zappa was right: there is a Tacoma aroma. None of the hot women in Washington are even from Washington. No one here knows how to cook a decent steak. But you won't find better seafood anywhere else. Go Seahawks!! Go Huskies!! Fuck WSU!! Lake Union puts on the best fireworks show in the region. Fly fishing on the Snoqualmie or Yakima Rivers is a great time. Ellensburg puts on the best rodeo. It's fucking cold here. The winters are too wet and dreary. Washington beaches aren't the best but lots of fun. Camping in the Cascades has been a great annual family tradition. And one more thing...

"The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle

And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle

Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild

Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears

Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle

. . . in Seattle!" ~ Perry Como

So long, Washington. We love you!

Overblown

2012-01-16T09:32:00.004-06:00

This cruise liner ship wreck thing has got me seeing red. I have heard it compared to the Titanic. The Titanic? What the fuck?

See that black spot in the background? That is fucking LAND! You are a couple hundred yards (at best) from LAND! Is our society a bunch of pussies or what?

It reminds me of this.

Oh, I almost forgot. Fuck you Obama, you marxist assclown.

FOD - Potty Training

2012-01-16T03:22:00.008-06:00

Well it's Monday again and you know what that means; another shitty start to the week with the shittiest piece of shit to have ever been shat at the POTUS controls. I wonder how many times the piece of shit is going to go around apologizing to the world for the ~~fucking outstanding~~ "horrific" incident carried out by US Marines upon ~~the lowest form of subhuman life known to man~~ the Taliban.

Well, I for one would like to personally thank those Marines and shake their hands for doing something that a lot of us would jump at the chance to do to those fucking 7th century stinkbeard vermin, but never have the opportunity. Thank you U.S. Marines for killing the shit out of the subhuman enemies of the United States and ultimately pissing on their dead bodies. Thank you!

I haven't seen or heard much about this the last couple days though. Just imagine if Dubya was at the helm right now. It would still be front page, top story, and "breaking" news. You wouldn't be able to escape it. Every playoff game this last weekend would've had a segment with some asshole in an empty suit bringing it up every possible chance he could. Fuck them too!

Thank you Aunti Vicki for the image:

Happy Fuck Obama Day! Fuck Obama!

Ready?

2012-01-15T22:00:00.002-06:00

Uh........ I used to think I was ready.

Look Ma, No Hands....

2012-01-15T19:26:00.004-06:00

I saw this and it reminded me of an old friend of mine back in my early 20's when I was ~~smoking dope, ditching class and chasing pussy~~ studying my ass off going to college. That was a time long, long ago when everyone was doing beer bongs. It was a quick way to get shitfaced and the chicks (we thought) were impressed, so of course we were doing them. Brian could funnel countless beers in a sitting like it was nothing and would always be there to accept someone’s challenge. He used to make a lot of money betting people at parties or bigger guys at bars by challenging them to funnel-off's for $20 or whatever. Most of the time he would do four 3-beer funnels, or three 4-beer funnels, but one time I watched him do two 6-pack funnels at a party back-to-back in under two minutes. To say the least I was fucking impressed after witnessing that, but what was more impressive was him being able to hold it together and hold it all down while sipping on cups of beer throughout the rest of the night. Granted he was a big guy, but still….twelve 12-ounce beers in under two fucking minutes would put me in the ER even back then. Now? Shit, it would probably only take six 1-beer bongs in two hours to put me down for the count. Probably even less than that.

This dude looks like he could be the late Chris Farley's (R.I.P.) brother or cousin but he totally reminded me of Brian. This dude doesn't even let go of a ear-piercing belch like I would expect to hear after three straight beers from a bottle. The English dudes at the table laughing also reminded me of what it sounded like whenever there was a funnel-off or when someone new saw Brian in action for the first time.

And before you (Paul or kerrcarto) go off and say it's no big deal because the dude's just drinking "pussy beer" or whatever Paul called it last night when I talked to him, I'd like to see one of you clowns do this with three Bud's OR with your regular beer of choice; kerrcarto with your Shiner and Paul with your Zima. If one or both of you two drunks can do this, I will fetch you a beer every time you need one for one full day* at the next Blownstar. But I want to see exactly the same thing, the same way; bottle cap removal and everything. I'm not gonna make this an easy one for you like I did the last time.

*Or until I pass out

Bowel Control

2012-01-14T19:32:00.000-06:00

Go Read For Yourself

Some More Texpatriots (a CenTexTim Neologism)

2012-01-14T18:11:00.005-06:00

Just An Incentive

2012-01-13T22:30:00.006-06:00

You two fucks realize we are going to have to change the header? As soon as CD gets his ass to Texas that is.

Col. Allen West Responds

2012-01-13T14:30:00.002-06:00

“I have sat back and assessed the incident with the video of our Marines urinating on Taliban corpses. I do not recall any self-righteous indignation when our Delta snipers Shugart and Gordon had their bodies dragged through Mogadishu. Neither do I recall media outrage and condemnation of our Blackwater security contractors being killed, their bodies burned, and hung from a bridge in Fallujah.

“All these over-emotional pundits and armchair quarterbacks need to chill. Does anyone remember the two Soldiers from the 101st Airborne Division who were beheaded and gutted in Iraq?

“The Marines were wrong. Give them a maximum punishment under field grade level Article 15 (non-judicial punishment), place a General Officer level letter of reprimand in their personnel file, and have them in full dress uniform stand before their Battalion, each personally apologize to God, Country, and Corps videotaped and conclude by singing the full US Marine Corps Hymn without a teleprompter.

“As for everyone else, unless you have been shot at by the Taliban, shut your mouth, war is hell.”

Amen and Amen.

FUCK ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ ISLAM!!

2012-01-12T13:20:00.005-06:00

Muslims are camel raping shit eaters! Mohamed was a pedophile murderer! And Allah fucks pigs!

What's The Big Deal?

2012-01-12T09:17:00.009-06:00

This video is getting all kinds of shit from the LSM and our clueless dipshits in the United States Government condemning the marines for their actions.

I say, who gives a shit? They were just properly washing the bodies for a Mooslime burial.
Unlike the Taliban did for Daniel Pearl. And until they quit teaching kids how to behead a person (don't click this link unless you have a strong stomach) we should piss on all the fuckers.
In my world these marines would get a medal of honor.

Mystery Solved!

2012-01-11T22:08:00.002-06:00

I was always wondering about this...

More Powerful Than Beer Goggles

2012-01-11T21:16:00.002-06:00

Great news! We are coming out of the recession. The job market is humming. Obama's strategy is working. Just put these on to see for yourself!

Mention GGDF and get $999.99 off your order.

King Nothing

2012-01-11T10:50:00.000-06:00

The Religion Of Peace Strikes Again

2012-01-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

This time a 4 month old

Fuck!

2012-01-10T14:11:00.005-06:00

Comcast does not serve my new address in the San Antonio area. This means that I'm going to lose my email address that I've had for years and years. I am one of the original cable broadband customers. To give you an idea as to how long I've been on this particular network, I first signed up when Excite ran it @excite. At&T then acquired the network, and my address changed to @attbroadband and then @home. Comcast subsequently acquired it, and my address changed to @comcast.net. xfinity has since taken over but Comcast customers have kept the @comcast address. But no more. My Comcast service will be disconnected next Tuesday at midnight. Now I'm sure cable Internet is available where I'm going, but it will be with a different service provider, thus I will lose my original email address. Fucking fuck. I don't know why I'm so attached to it. I guess it's because I've had it for so long and all my peeps know where to find me. And all of my utilities, newsletters, and other services are linked to it. Arghhh!!

What's that Yes song? "Changes"

Meghan McCain is a Fucking Genius Moron

2012-01-10T10:53:00.005-06:00

e·mo·ti·con/iˈmōtəˌkän/

Noun:

A representation of a facial expression such as : -) (for a smile), formed by combinations of keyboard characters and used in electronic

communications to convey the writer's feelings or intended tone

<:~(

I think the word you were looking for is modicum you fucking tool. And you wouldn't say a "small modicum" either. It would just be "a modicum", since that is what modicum means, small. Gotdamn, the idiots that MSNBC hold up as genius is really mind blowing.

This Is No Ordinary Cupcake

2012-01-10T09:51:00.001-06:00

This will be short and “sweet.” Like many of you, when I think of a cupcake, I don’t think of it being in a jar. However, the photo below shows the “cupcake” that was prohibited from being taken into the cabin of a plane last month.

I wanted to make it clear that this wasn’t your everyday, run-of-the-mill cupcake. If you’re not familiar with it, we have a policy directly related to the UK liquid bomb plot of 2006 called 3-1-1 that limits the amount of liquids, gels and aerosols you can bring in your carry-on luggage. Icing falls under the “gel” category. As you can see from the picture, unlike a thin layer of icing that resides on the top of most cupcakes, this cupcake had a thick layer of icing inside a jar.

I fucking shit you not.

Goodbye common sense. You will be missed.

Kalifornia To Texas Translation Guide:

2012-01-09T18:54:00.010-06:00

Prelude: Although I was born and raised in Mexifornia and have lived here my entire life, I was fortunate enough to have parents that brought us boys up Right, so I am already 100% fluent in this language. When I finally move my ass to Texas in a month or so, the only challenge I expect to face is not having the pleasure of fucking with scores of liberal, socialist, pacifist pussies wherever I go and whenever I want. Other than that, I can't wait to finally get home.

Due to the large number of jobs moving from the People's Republic of Kalifornia to Texas, Texas has compiled a "California to Texas" translation guide.

F.O.D.

2012-01-09T03:15:00.009-06:00

Dear Worst President in United States History,

FUCK YOU!

US Government Terrorist ID Chart

2012-01-07T14:47:00.002-06:00

My brother sent me this one. It would be funny if it weren't so true...

Saturday funnies

2012-01-07T13:47:00.006-06:00

Here's another redneck prank call. This one to a strip club in Birmingham. BWAHAHAHA!!

And check this out. Some kid has a Samuel L. Jackson motha fuckin' soundboard and is pwning a bunch of clueless kids playing MW3 on XBox Live. So fucking funny! LMAO!! What this situation requires is a whole lot more of you shuttin' the fuck up!!

I don't know which soundboard this kid is using. Hell, he could be using a mobile app. But here's a pretty good collection of Samuel L. Jackson soundboards.

Up All Night

2012-01-06T21:57:00.003-06:00

For you fuckers that are up for an hour and a half of Maiden...

Oh no he didn't!!

2012-01-06T12:27:00.005-06:00

Oh shit!!! Fucking Newt just launched a ballistic missile! BWAHAHAHAH!!! This statement has got some legs just you watch!

Popcorn? Check
Butter? Check
Beer? Check

You Got Knocked The Fuck Out

2012-01-05T13:36:00.001-06:00

This story warms the cockles of my heart.

Found It!

2012-01-05T09:09:00.001-06:00

It took me a day but I did it!! I found Paul a car. Ya' fuckin stoner!

Canada's Finest

2012-01-04T20:14:00.005-06:00

Apparently, society's slow deterioration isn't limited to just the United States. The canucks have learned from us well. I'm guessing that wasn't chicken in the chow mein...

The chairs make a nice addition to the mayhem, eh?

"They Only Come Here To Work"/"You Would Do The Same Thing"

2012-01-04T05:13:00.009-06:00

How long are we going to have to read news stories about the robberies, rapes, murders and other horrific acts committed by the countless wetbacks in this country before The People rise up and force the empty suits in DC to do something about it? We're way beyond debating the issue any more. What is there to debate? Just fucking get it done assholes! There is nothing left to talk about unless it's regarding ways to improve and increase wetback deportation numbers, what time tomorrow the military will be securing our entire southern border, or which sniper tower is mine! That’s it! Talk is fucking cheap and I am sick of politicians doing absolutely nothing but talk about the illegal alien infestation instead of doing their jobs and just ending it once and for all.

This shit needs to stop! If you know any ~~retarded~~ bleeding heart ~~communists~~ liberals (like I do) that regurgitate the old and tired ~~bullshit rhetoric~~ liberal talking points about this ~~massive wetback infestation~~ immigrant melting pot like, "They only come here to work..." or "They're just trying to make their families lives better..." or "You would do the same thing..." then please be sure you send them this little happy bedtime story about a harmless "immigrant" named Galindo who only came to this country to work and to make his family's lives better like anyone would. After all, according to ~~treasonous~~ left-wing ~~insanity~~ logic, you would do the same thing.

Albuquerque, NM – A 37 year old illegal immigrant who is a convicted felon just deported 4 months ago for drug dealing, was arrested and charged with the rape and murder of a 1-moth-old baby girl.

Well you see this convicted felon illegal ~~immigrant~~ wetback was just here to work and to make his family's lives better. That's what every politician keeps telling us so it must be true. So what if he was slinging a little dope? You would do the same thing remember? After a full day of ripping people off he was a little horny like a lot of 37 year old men are when they get home from ~~selling shitty drugs~~ work so he raped to death a 1 month old baby girl. It’s not his fault, he was horny. You would do the same thing remember?

Police responded to a 911 call at 4am last Thursday morning after the caller had indicated that an infant had died. But when the authorities arrived, it became clear that this was no accident. They discovered the infant girl dead, with two black eyes, a bite mark on her cheek and pajamas soaked in blood.

This is a 1-month-old baby with two black eyes, a bite mark and blood-soaked pajamas? Well it's obvious to anyone that these are just common everyday injuries that infants sustain while learning how to eat, shit, burp and sleep. What's the big deal? Oh, there's more?

Upon further medical examination, the child was also found to have suffered a bleeding brain, a lacerated liver, anal and vaginal tearing, and cracked ribs in various stages of healing—indicating the child’s entire 4 week life consisted of abuse.

I can't do this much longer. I have never heard of such disregard for an innocent human life in my entire 40 years on this fucked up planet. I could never imagine a scenario even close to being as loathsome and twisted as this. It is truly the most fucked up story I've ever read or heard about in my life. Ever. Not even the most ruthless and vicious animal you could imagine would ever do something like this. Not to its own kind. Not to any kind. This is beyond comprehension. There is only one word I can think of that narrows it all down to describe this fucking piece of shit. That word is EVIL; pure, unadulterated EVIL.

I will not be happy with any sentence that gets handed down on this evil fuck! There is no sentence on earth brutal enough, long enough, or painful enough that any human could effectively carry out on this son of a bitch. There is no positive that can ever come from this. I believe in God and Heaven, and I believe that there is a satan and a hell. No matter what punishment this evil fuck receives here on earth, he's still going to have to answer for it on the other side. I only wish I could be there to see it.

Galindo has claimed he was under the influence of meth amphetamines during the incident.

So? What's his fucking point? The meth made him do it? Is that really going to be the defense? Not guilty by means of being a fucking tweeker? Lemme tell you something wetback, I partied a lot with a lot of different drugs in my younger years and meth was one of them. Guess what? No matter how fucked up and tweeked out I ever got on the shit, I never raped or killed anyone. The thought never even entered my mind.

Good luck with that defense wetback! You've got major problems that run a lot deeper than just a meth habit, even if you are deep into it. You were fucked up long before you ever did meth. Try taking responsibility for your own actions for once in your life you evil bastard motherfucker. While you're at it, be sure to enjoy your stay in hell and bring lots of lube with you.

Welcome Home

2012-01-03T21:48:00.000-06:00

I am so glad to hear the news Paul. Enjoy the road trip with the boy. I hope you got him a good book to read for the trip.

In other news

2012-01-03T09:47:00.004-06:00

I have accepted a job in San Antonio, TX. I start packing up the house today. My parents are flying up here to escort my daughter to Dallas in a couple of weeks. My son and I will then hit the road together probably on the 17th. The trip will take nearly a week. Meanwhile, I am restructuring the loan on our Seattle home and am going to turn it into a rental. The thought of losing it to foreclosure is sickening, and my best effort to keep the property is very much the right thing to do.

So this will end our life chapter in Washington state. I have lived here since 1998. It's been a great ride. We have had so many great times up here; too many stories. The geography is absolutely breathtaking, but like I told a friend of mine the other day, living in Seattle is like serving hard time. This is a difficult place to live. It's time to return to Texas. I have a feeling some great things are headed our direction, and I am happy with my decision.

ROAD TRIP!!

Question: Is it easier to straight-shot it and deal with Utah and New Mexico terrain, or would it be easier to tack on about 400 miles and head south to Los Angeles then east?

GOP Field

2012-01-03T09:40:00.001-06:00

I'm in agreement with most of the Republican's conservative wing that the GOP field is overall weak. My favorite candidate was Herman Cain, but recent evidence suggests he was never serious in the first place. And that sucks because he resonated with a lot of people. I also like Ron Paul but he does not poll well against Obama at all. In fact, the latest poll I saw showed the Cooncracker thumping Paul by about 20 points, which leads me to my point.

The objective is to defeat Hussein. This country is in a world of hurt, and this filthy communist fucking halfrican is doing everything he can to hammer in the final nail. He hates America, and we have an obligation as a responsible society to vote this lying anti-American ass out of the White House. Of the GOP candidates, Romney is the only one who polls well against the illegal alien. In fact, Romney may be the only one who can defeat the Owebama Downgrade.

Romney is not perfect. He has flip-flopped on several issues. He may very well be pro-choice (which irks the base), but he has sound economic proposals and has promised to repeal CommieCare. That's good enough for me considering the major issues facing our nation today. We must keep the objective in plain sight: vote out the worst President in the history of the United States of America. Nominate Mitt Romney, and we'll likely be successful.

I could care less if he is Mormon. I could care less that he's from Massachusetts. I could care less about RomneyCare. All I care about is defeating the Kenyan Cooncracker from Hell! Trust me people. We can't survive four more years of this demented sociopath Hussein Obama.

The Religion Of Peace Strikes Again

2012-01-02T11:59:00.003-06:00

Fucking third world sickos. At least in Shitholistan there is a chance the fuckers will swing from the gallows. Unlike here in the US where they would be given three meals a day and a college education.

Which brings up another subject. We have many American veterans living on the street, homeless, sick, starving and with no one to turn to.

On the other hand we have scum fuck that beat a child to death with a brick and dismembered her and spread her remains amongst a trailer park full of registered child molesters and admitted to it.

One gets spit on and told to get a job, the other gets three meals a day, a full gym, cable tv, free health care and too many other amenities to list.

Ya think America might have her priorities fucked up?

Happy New Year

2011-12-30T19:59:00.000-06:00

Friday Night Anarchy!!

2011-12-30T14:08:00.006-06:00

Happy 2012 mother fuckerzzzz!! Fasten your seat belts 'cause this is gonna be one hell of a year!!

By the way, you're all invited. I fucking love this, but I'm glad I won't be at this party. ROFL!!

Friday Funny

2011-12-30T09:54:00.000-06:00

Burn A Koran

2011-12-29T21:34:00.004-06:00

And then burn another one, and another one, and another one. I just burned 10 and it was so much fun that I'm going to burn 10 more. Lick my balls Moohamed!

You can burn some too right here. Thanks LisaK!

Blownstar Anthem?

2011-12-29T15:08:00.006-06:00

This could very well be the new Blownstar party anthem.

To clarify for peeps who have not experienced the true Blownstar on the range. We fucking rage for 2-3 days with a keg of Shiner Bock and various mixed drinks. Red solo cup is out in force. And Freddy Mac can kiss my ass. Love it.

Shitter, Twitter, Twats, Tweets, Facebook, and Fuck You!

2011-12-29T03:45:00.006-06:00

You know, I’m not sure if they are flooding every possible market out there with advertising or if I just notice it more these days, but I am so tired of seeing, reading and hearing all about this fuckin’ "Twitter" everywhere I go. I know, I know, it’s just the next phase of time-wasting and mind-rotting crap to come along and fill the gap when Facebook shits themselves, but this constant drilling of Twitter into the head is a little out of control. Like every ‘social networking’ site, it will be around for a couple years and then something else will come along once people finally realize it's nothing but another colossal waste of time like Facebook, and Myspace before that. It becomes too big for its own good, drops a big steamy growler on itself, then it turns to dust and blows away.

Yes, I will admit I am on Facebook. I signed up a couple years ago and thought it was pretty lame, but then I really liked the picture sharing part of it. For all these years I would email pictures to various people but every time would forget to “cc” someone and they would get all butt hurt about it. I liked how with Facebook I didn’t have to remember who to email pictures. In fact I wouldn’t have to email pictures anymore at all, unless someone not on Facebook wanted to see them. It was great. Now, there is no excuse not to have copies of my pictures because all someone has to do is go to my page and copy the ones they want. It’s brilliant and saves me the trouble which is why I think it’s brilliant. I still like that part of Facebook, but that’s about it. The rest is a colossal waste of time. No, I’m not Facebooking all day. No, I don't post everyday all day long about what I'm doing. No, I don't post using magic fairy dust, my cat’s ass, or my mobile phone and I can promise you that I never will. No, I am not in need of a 12-step program to kick that Facebook habit, although I know some people that probably do. No, I do not have an iPhone, nor do I want one. If I did though, I guarantee that I would not “follow” you narcissistic motherfuckers on shitter twitter. I don't even want internet capability on my mobile phone and I’ll tell you why:

I don't need to be connected to the internet every fucking hour of the day. For 30+ years I got along just fine without it. There is something in life called physical literal human interaction. This is where people can see each other, talk to each other face to face and look each other in the eyes when they interact. They can even touch each other if they wanted to. Back in the stone ages, it was how everyone went about their lives amongst other human beings, and met new people and got to know people and shit. You know? They would actually take a shower, get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair and leave their home on a great adventure into the real world. Maybe they would go to the bar and have a few rounds, or walk around the mall window shopping, or maybe go to the park and feed the ducks; lots of different things besides sitting in front of a fucking computer every free moment of every day. I know it's old fashioned and complicated for some people, but it really is nice to get out of the house and interact with friends and even strangers every now and then. It gives you that "human" feeling inside, and that’s rare these days. I don’t know too many people anymore that I would even consider human. They’re more like robotic brain-dead assholes that just use up space and oxygen, cause traffic jams and long grocery store lines, and waste my time with endless conversations about themselves until it all becomes too much for me and I walk away telling them to go fuck themselves. Life is too short, and I don’t ever want to be one of those assholes.
I need a break from the information overload or I'm going to lose my fucking mind one of these days. Blogging, Facebooking, emailing, commenting, texting, voicemailing, when does it end? I really don't need to know that very second when some politician tries blowing smoke up the American people's asses, or some Hollyweird slut goes to rehab for the 15th time. Maybe if that politician or that slut blew their brains out on live TV I would want to know because good news is hard to find these days. One thing that makes me want to delete my Facebook is having to see this up-to-the-minute reporting that some narcissistic asshole thinks we give a fuck about. Hey retard, it might be hard for you to comprehend in that big head of yours, but no one really cares if you're "enjoying coffee" or are "at the gym" or are "in a relationship." Big fucking deal! Why don't you just post the next time you're taking a shit? At least that would be more exciting and interesting than your boring and pathetic life on Planet Facebook. And if I get one more fucking 5-year old recycled email from some asshole or a fucking text that ends with me having bad luck for the next 6 years if I don't "forward it to at least 6 people in the next 6 minutes" I am going to unload some .00 buck into this monitor, flush my cell phone down the crapper, and run over 6 people in the next 6 minutes! Take your bad luck and cram it up your ass, motherfucker! Or jump off the highest building you can find. Whatever you do, stop sending me this shit! It’s out of control!
These fucks on twitter are more of the same narcissistic pieces of shit that need an ass kicking of a lifetime, for the rest of their lifetime. I mean, who besides the egotistical Hollyweird dumb shits think that people really give a flying fuck what they are doing during the day or night? What club they’re doing a bunch of blow in or what $600 dollar pair of jeans they just bought? But it’s not just the egotistical shitbags in Hollyweird. You would be surprised how many nobodys there are out there completely in love with themselves and actually think the world revolves around them, or the world cares if they nibbled on a 12 ga. and pulled the trigger in true Kurt Gobang style. It boggles my mind when I think about how many of these conceited motherfuckers are out there because it seems like I know a lot of them. It's an all-out epidemic and it’s only getting worse.

I had this friend a couple months ago, that out of nowhere one day kept trying to talk me into ditching my current Verizon plan and upgrading to a new plan with AT&T and an iPhone. I told her that I was happy with Verizon and asked her why I should change and ultimately pay more for a new phone, plan, etc. Her answer? So I could "stay in touch" with her. What the fuck? We live in the same city about 25 minutes away from each other. How out of touch can we be? So I asked her why I needed an iPhone to stay in touch with her. She told me because that way I could follow her on TWITter.

(…Crickets…)

WTF! Are you kidding me? Follow her on twitter? She does pedicures and manicures for a living and she lives with her dog in a mediocre apartment at the beach for Chrissakes! No offense to anyone that does pedi’s and mani’s for a living, but BIG fucking deal! Maybe if she was actually doing something remotely interesting, but pedicures and shit? I would rather watch Guatemalan Midget Wrestling or read, “1001 Ways To Knit A Turtleneck For Your French Poodle” from cover to cover. Jeebus! She was hot when I met her 15 years ago, but age and gravity have gotten the best of her these last few years, so why in the fuck would I follow her on twitter? Even if she was dancing on a brass pole, why in the fuck would anyone follow her on twitter? We had been pretty good friends for at least 15 years, but that was the final straw for me. What a conceited little twat! I deleted her from my phone and will never call her again. Not even on those horny late-night drunk-dialing adventures. That insane bitch is done. What I really should've said to her when she first mentioned iPhones and me “following” her was something like,

"Tell you what Tanya, how about this: Phuck your iPhone, fuck your twitter, fuck your tweets, fuck the beach, fuck your narcissistic and egotistical twat little self, fuck your pedicures, fuck this meaningless friendship, and fuck you! Cram your twitter and your tweets up your fucking twat, ya dumb bitch!

And please feel free to tweet that any time."

Do you think that’s a little harsh? A little over the top? I toned it down a bit because I know this is a family blog. I don't know. Maybe I've already lost my mind and don't realize it? Maybe the "information superhighway" that Al Bore invented back in the ‘90’s has finally left me 2 tacos short of a combination plate. I haven't smoked a bowl since the first part of October and I know that has a lot to do with my angst and lack of tolerance for anything or anyone these days, but damn; these “look at me, I’m special” cretins that walk amongst us, work with us, get drunk with us, live in our neighborhoods or live with us, and the social networks that feed the disease really has me wanting to move to the middle of fucking nowhere with no internet, no cell phone (or any phone), no television, no politics, no paved roads, no subdivisions, no fast food chains, no grocery store chains, or any fucking chains at all.

The day that I break out of here is going to be a milestone day. A day to celebrate with a big fat joint and a big Fuck You! The day I can look back at this shit and laugh about it, I’ll know that I can finally sing, “Breaking the chains around me, nobody else can bind me, take a good look around me, now I’m breaking the chains.”

Sorry, I was a Dokken fan in the ‘80’s and I just had to throw that in there somehow.

Z-man, my brother from another mother is one of these fuckers who Facebooks from his iPhone and now he says he is following some of these motherfuckers and dumb sluts on Twitter when he's "bored". Dude, if you're bored do something constructive like kick a liberal's ass, or buy a firearm, or kick a liberal in the nuts. That would be constructive and productive and rewarding at the same time. Z-man emailed me this link last night and without looking at what it was I clicked on it. Sure enough it was some douche on Twitter that he follows. I have to admit, some of what this guy writes is hilarious, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna start checking in on this shit for new material. Those of you that already Shit and Twit and Tweet and Twat that's your deal. It doesn't affect me one bit if that's what you do, I just think it's stupid, retarded and useless. Like liberals. I have to admit though, this one was pretty fuckin' funny.

I went to a friends house yesterday and she said "make yourself at home," so I masturbated on her couch, made a sandwich and left.

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I really don’t know where I was going with this or how I was going to wrap it up, but it’s damn near 02:00 right now and I’m tired as fuck. Me and Pops are going to kill some trout at Lake Morena this morning and we’re picking up my good buddy Z-man at 07:00. One more beer and I’m hitting the sheets. 05:30 is gonna come fast.

Tree, Rope, Dirtbag...

2011-12-27T18:04:00.002-06:00

...some assembly required.

The fuckhead addmited to it. Give him a trial using his admission of guilt, then hang his ass. We need some old fashioned Texas justice for sub-human scum like this.

The Best $49.95 You'll Ever Spend...

2011-12-26T23:12:00.010-06:00

Kerrcarto, Bear, and anyone else out there that has been wanting an AR-15, here is your opportunity to get the ball rolling. What better way to ring in the new year than by treating yourselves to one of these today at this insanely low price from Palmetto State Armory. Obviously building a rifle isn't something that most people want to do or know how to do, but I will tell you from experience after building nine of them, that each one was a fun build every time and by far the best models I have ever put together in my entire life. And for the record, they were all built with patience and beer, and all of them function flawlessly. It's pretty hard to fuck up building an AR-15. Overall cost varies depending on what you want, but all things the same, you can build one yourself for cheaper than buying one from the local gun shop. It's also rewarding and fun at the same time.

I bought my first stripped lower receiver at the Crossroads of the West show here in 2006 after I ran into a buddy of mine from work that told me about the booth selling them. Since then, I have built a second one for myself and seven others for friends of mine. When I got mine I paid $289.00 + $25.00 for the FFL transfer. It seemed reasonable at the time, but damn....$49.95?

Building the lower was a bit of a challenge for me the first time, because I didn't have the tools that are made to make it easy. I hadn't heard of them before, and I didn't know anyone that had put one together before, so I ended up losing a few springs and detents in the process before I ordered the tools (and lots of extra springs and detents.) Those of you that have put lowers together before know which springs and detents I'm talking about. Patience is needed for the lower assembly process, or you will not have a good time. And buy extra springs and detents. They're fucking cheap as hell, and you're gonna lose a few if you've never done it before. Trust me.

Anyways here it is almost six years, nine builds, and endless beers consumed later and lowers are going for $49.95. What a deal! I'm thinking about buying one for my dad even though he doesn't really want one. I loved putting models together as a little boy and now I love putting rifles together, so maybe I'll buy a third one for myself just because I can; and just because I know liberal pukes don't like it. I mean damn, for $49.95 I'd buy one just to use for a fucking paper weight.

Here is my first lower after installing the trigger kit and before I decided I wanted a different collapsible stock. I was waiting for my tax return to be deposited in my account before I could afford the upper that I wanted. I borrowed the magazine from a buddy of mine just so I could function check the magazine release and because it just looks so fuckin' scary to the liberal pussies out there.
This one on the right is the second lower that I built for myself. It has the trigger kit installed but I gave the stock I had for it to someone that couldn't pay for one at the time. I think I was waiting for my new stock to arrive in the mail, or maybe hadn't even ordered it yet. Doesn't matter. I got this lower in 2008 when my buddy Z-man finally got his shit together and decided that he should build himself an AR-15. I went to the gunshow with him and ended up buying another one for myself, which is a good thing as far as I am concerned. Fuck it. Why not?

Here we have mine after I received my Federal tax return and blew it all on the upper receiver and completely the rifle. I had been reading all about the gas piston system in these newer upper receivers and I read nothing but good things about them so I had to have one. Sure they cost more, but you get what you pay for most of the time. This particular upper is a POF 'Predator', 18" barrel with 7/1 twist. That was the most expensive component that I bought for this particular rifle, but I'm glad I did. After tax I think it was $1800 or so, but I work my ass off to afford myself little treats here and there, and this was one of em. The rear sight is a folding 'combat sight' from Troy Industries. That was $180.00. The holosight is an EOTech but I don't remember the model or name. It was a low-end model that cost around $250.00. Let's just say it's a piece of shit. It's basically on there for photo ops and nothing else, because I don't like those holosights very much. I'm pretty fucking good with iron sights, and if I want optics for my rifle, I'm going to invest in a nice laser range finding scope and some night vision once I have money again. The collapsible stock was around $70-$80. These are just ballpark numbers, since I don't remember exactly what I paid. I've bought a lot of different shit for a lot of different rifles and it's hard to remember all of it. When this rifle was all said and done, I paid somewhere from $2600-$3000 for it, but I didn't shop around much either. I found something and I bought it. I don't have the patience for shopping around. When I want something I don't want to have to wait for it, so I pay a little (or a lot?) more for the convenience of getting it right then and there. My buddy Jeff built his AR for a total of $700-$750, and he built himself a nice rifle. If you have the right connections and find deals like Palmetto's here, you can build your own AR-15 for under $600.00 and still have a rifle that's gonna drop zombies when the time comes.

What the fuck are you waiting for?

Cycles, Sluts, And Beer

2011-12-26T19:48:00.003-06:00

Now that sounds like my kind of party, but this is just a song with some sluts singing about beer.

21st Century Santa

2011-12-25T23:53:00.005-06:00

Reindeer and a sleigh? Fuck that! Santa rolls in style these days, and he's equipped to fuck something up. No more lumps of coal for the bad ones. They will be getting 7.62 x 51...

Image swiped from these guys.

Speaking of Niggers...

2011-12-25T02:11:00.003-06:00

I came across this educational video with a catchy little tune that discusses where these fucking niggers that are terrorizing shoe stores across the country come from. All to get some fucking stupid-ass shoes that look fucking lame and can cost up to and including as much as a human life for a lot of this nigger trash. Anyways, I had a big dinner tonight and this song got some things stirring inside my bowels from laughing so hard. I think I'm gonna go drop the Sharptons off at the swimming pool. I dropped off Gary Coleman yesterday... ROTFL.

It's that time of year again...

2011-12-24T22:07:00.001-06:00

...time for Cocaine Santa!

America's Finest Niggers XVII

2011-12-24T21:58:00.004-06:00

Deez niggaz done got PAID!! America's finest niggers: best dressed niggaz American tax dollars can buy. Ho! Ho! Ho! Here comes Santa with a sleigh load of EBT cards! Go get you some! Word.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T20:54:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T20:05:00.003-06:00

To CD and kerrcarto and the rest of you out there. Enjoy your families and bless you all! I'll be in San Antonio next week for the big job interview. Wish me luck.

Attack of the Snowman

2011-12-22T20:40:00.000-06:00

Bill Waterson was one of the greats. I miss Calvin and Hobbes. Undoubtedly one of the best Comic strips ever written.

Mega-Masturbation Mastermind

2011-12-21T04:20:00.000-06:00

"All units, all units... be on the lookout for a horny and desperate white male wearing a royal blue hoodie with a shit eatin grin on his face driving at a high rate of speed in an early 1980's Dodge Ram Van, primer grey in color with no rear windows. Last seen driving eastbound on Cooper Foster Park Road from the Adult Mart. Suspect is wanted for felony breaking and entering for the purpose of theft. He is also wanted for felony theft for the purpose of masturbation. Use caution when approaching. Suspect was seen reaching down by his waistband. Suspect also has a hostage; one Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator. I repeat, one Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator. All units use caution. S.W.A.T. has been dispatched and is en route, over..."

WTF? Either some guy is the fugliest motherfucker on the planet and has never been laid because of it, or he is one of the horniest and hard-up motherfuckers on the planet, had the worse case of blue balls known to man and didn't have the time to troll for a whore that night. Something just seems out of whack with this whole story.

What. The. Fuck! Breaking into a porn shop like this jerkoff did is a sign of extreme desperation, but also takes a lot of balls to do in the first place, but if you're that fucking desperate to risk getting a felony and doing time so you can "release some liquid tension",why wouldn't you at least grab some cash while you're there? Or some shit that will net you cash? Seems like a lot of trouble to go through with a hell of a lot of risk involved to just leave with one item, even if it is "Mega" and retailed at $800*.

I tried putting myself in this guys shoes and what I would've done if I was that desperate, but it wasn't easy. I've had my share of dry spells, but I can't begin to fathom ever getting so worked up and whacked to wanna fuck some hole made of "lifelike" rubber or "phantom skin", much less break into some porn store to steal one. Call me old or just plain out of touch with the modern day world, but I would prefer to jerk off the old fashioned way thank you.

But for arguments sake, let's just say it was a full moon one night, I had been drinking Shiners all day long in the hot sun and there were no barbeques around for me to molest, so I hatch a brilliant plan to go steal a $800 Mega Masturbator from the local porn shop that I heard about from one of my Dungeons and Dragons opponents. I would've at least grabbed some shit to sell on Craigslist or at the swap meet since I was already there racking up a felony. I mean, what would I have to lose? I would've grabbed a few hand-fulls of dvd's. Or a few strings of beads. Maybe a vibrating butt plug with matching G-spot stimulator. A 5 gallon bucket of grape-flavored lube possibly. How about a King Kong Dong for a Christmas stocking stuffer? I mean something. Anything.

Nope, not this guy. This fucking guy knew exactly what he wanted and that's all he apparently needed. He was in and out and done faster than a high school jock with his date in the back of a car on prom night. He didn't evade all the cameras though. I guess one angle captured the money shot! He must have already had his own lube or something like that because none was reported stolen. Maybe the Extreme Fuck Me Silly 3 is self-lubricating? If it isn't it should be. For $800 that bitch better lubricate itself!

How long did he case the joint? You know, to observe the closing routine and how long it usually took, the possible witnesses at surrounding businesses and the amount of traffic at particular times of the night, the procedure of locking up and setting the alarm, and where the cameras were placed in and around the building. This must've been just like the $19 million Dunbar Armored heist by Allen Pace III in 1997, except it will go down as the Adult Mart $800 Mega-Masturbator Heist of 2011.

The police report is here. How could you write that report without cracking up the entire time? I'm sure it wasn't easy for Officer Jeffrey A. Yusko. I bet this incident spread to police departments across the country quicker than a case of the crabs at a Tijuana night club.

I guess when it's all said and done, I have to laugh and at least give this mentally fucked up individual some credit for getting away with the crime and evading police capture. This is one of those capers that I hope never gets solved. Besides damages to the porn store and replacing the $800 item which are both covered by insurance, what's the real harm done here? I almost feel bad for the poor bastard. He's probably in his "backup" windowless Dodge van parked in a Walmart parking lot somewhere right now with an ice cold case of Bartels and James Sangria, a carton of GPC cigarettes, Lionel Richie softly on the radio, and trying his best to seduce the lingerie off of his "date."

Oh and before I forget, has anyone heard from Paul lately?

UPDATE: When I Googled "Fuck Me Silly 3 Mega Masturbator" looking for an image to use in this post, I came across an educational, funny and disturbing Youtube video featuring the FMS3MM on display which:
*1.) Helped me understand the size of the item and realize the dude didn't have a free hand to steal anything else at the time.
2.) I found to be pretty funny.
3.) I found to be quite disturbing, especially the part about dressing it up.
4.) Destroyed any and all traces of faith, respect and hope that I may have ever had in the human race. Forever.

My New Heroine

2011-12-20T09:54:00.001-06:00

“The second time I called him a communist I said ‘You’re a communist asshole,” Maria Conchita Alonso
No, she wasn't talking to Obama. But Sean Penn is a close enough second.

He Is The One We Have Been Waiting For

2011-12-19T21:56:00.001-06:00

Congressional members are not allowed to say Merry Christmas in any official correspondence. But the Christmas Tree on the U.S. Capitol can have an ornament proffesing some ones love for the Cooncracker?

Hypocrites. I cannot stand this shit much longer. The duct tape wrapped around my head is getting dangerously close to the point of failure.

Or, does it really say, "I Love President Oblamo"?

A Woman Scorned

2011-12-19T17:02:00.001-06:00

Kobe Bryant's wife filed for a divorce. Apparently the NBA has a secret society of wives that will rat you the fuck out if your stepping out on your old lady. Good!

Kobe Bryant is an egotistical over paid festering anal wart and a dumbass to top it off. No prenup? BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Guess who is gonna be one rich lady here in a few months. You better re-negotiate you contract dude.

FOD: Fuse Is Burnt

2011-12-19T08:32:00.001-06:00

The Pot Bellied Dog Eater is dead.

I imagine somehow Obama will blame it on Bush.

Attention K-Mart Shoppers

2011-12-18T20:32:00.004-06:00

Most of you are rude Mexicans. All of you are assholes! Please take this opportunity to go fuck yourselves. That is all...
La mayoría de los mexicanos que son groseros. Todos ustedes son idiotas! Por favor tome esta oportunidad para ir a vosotros la mierda. Eso es todo ...

Merry Christmas From The Johnsons

2011-12-18T12:43:00.002-06:00

Friday Jams

2011-12-17T19:30:00.007-06:00

This last one is for you two fuckers. Adios concrete, gonna get you some dirt road, back street.

Legitimate Question

2011-12-17T01:14:00.002-06:00

Do Your Part This Holiday Season...

2011-12-16T17:51:00.001-06:00

I was surprised this is for a shop in Kalifornia of all places...

Pulled It Out, Then Put It Back In

2011-12-15T12:53:00.002-06:00

The House put the ban on fucking people and animals in the ass back in the military code of justice. So you eight people that liked that idea are fucked. Well not literally. Especially if you are in the armed forces.

Let The Liberal Bed-Wetting Begin...

2011-12-14T16:24:00.005-06:00

I just ordered one of these and cannot wait to install it on my eeeeeeeeeeevil black rifle to piss off more of the irrational, insane, gun grabbing left-wing libtards. I was surprised to hear it was BATFE approved, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before some bed-wetting liberal pussy politician drafts legislation to ban them too. Until then....

Suck on this you fucking libtard cocksuckers!

I'm bored

2011-12-14T11:36:00.006-06:00

Five Minutes Of Boom. Take 2

2011-12-13T18:48:00.003-06:00

Let's try that again.

This is one of those video that warms the cockles of your heart.

And Stinkbeards to about 5000˙ C.

Sorry for the loss of comments on the first post.

Fuck YouTube. Take 3

The Shoulder Thing That Goes Up...

2011-12-12T23:07:00.015-06:00

I don't know how I missed this one, but when my brother called me tonight about what we were getting each other for Christmas this year, as usual we ended up talking about firearms and firearms-related stuff for over an hour. It started with the "clip" vs. "magazine" nomenclature topic and how there are so many misinformed idiots all over the place that like to refer to them as if they're one in the same, which they're not! (I'm pretty sure that kerrcarto will back me up when I say that it's one of those little things that just sends me into meltdown mode whenever I hear those two words used improperly or interchanged.) Anyhow, I started telling my brother about how earlier this year I had heard some haggard Congresscunt from New York on the Roger Hedgecock Show barking about how she was leading the charge (translation: blowing smoke up as many asses as possible) of proposing even more anti-gun (anti-Constitution) legislation in this country via a Federal ban on "high capacity magazine-clips."

Huh? Magazine-clips? What the fuck are magazine-clips?

When I heard this tool on Roger's show, it was right after Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head, six were killed, and 13 others were wounded in Tucson, AZ by that psycho piece of shit with a 9mm Glock 19 handgun and 30-round magazine. Like all good little liberals do, Congresscunt magically and instantly became the authority on all things guns, and couldn't wait to force her solution on us Federally. This ignorant, haggered, moronic Congresscunt bitch who ignores our Bill of Rights on a daily basis, calls magazines "magazine-clips" and has the balls to try and tell The People that "only law enforcement & military should be able to have them" is none other than Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY).

Yup, Congresscunt McCunthy has it all figured out. She knows what's best for us and the Constitution be damned. She's an expert ya know. A gotdamn genius! As an expert she says that banning high capacity 'magazine-clips' will prevent a tragedy like what happened on Jan. 8, 2011 in Tucson from happening again. I guess since I'm too stupid to even know what a magazine-clip is, and because McCunthy knows so much about firearms in general, that's good enough for me. How about you? Wanna sing some Kumbeya with me now?

The fallacy that reduced magazine capacity will prevent or even slow down someone on a rampage from squeezing off the same number of rounds in the same amount of time as they could with a standard or a high capacity magazine is just that; a fucking fallacy! I challenge you to show me anything that backs up this ridiculous claim used by ignorant politicians and libtards everywhere. What's that? You can't? What a surprise!

On the contrary, I have proof that bullshit legislation such as this does nothing but metaphorically shit on the U.S. Constitution, infringe on my rights (and yours) as a law-abiding American citizen, and it keeps worthless politicians like Congresscunt McCunthy around to take away more of our Liberty. At the very bare minimum McCunthy should be tarred, feathered and ran out of town with torches and pitchforks. Personally, I would prefer to watch her and all politicians like her publicly hanged from the U.S. Capitol for betraying The People and betraying her Oath to support and defend the Constitution, but I'm just an old-fashioned guy like that.

I wrote about the fallacy of legislatively reduced capacity magazines saving any lives in this post probably on the same day I heard Congresscunt McCunthy on the radio polluting the airwaves with that left-wing bullshit rhetoric. There's even a Youtube video demonstration included to try and help you illiterate libtarded left-wing douchebags finally fucking get it! Yeah I know, I'm not holding my breath.

But onto the reason and motivation behind tonight's post. After I called McCunthy every name in the book when describing what I had heard on the radio, my brother asked if I had seen the interview of her when she drafted legislation to ban barrel shrouds on firearms. I hadn't. I don't know how I missed it, but I had not seen or heard of this until last night.

This Youtube clip is nearly five years old, but it's one of those things I would expect to see from the morons running this country into the ground today. It's one of those things that I will never get tired of watching over and over. Sometimes for a laugh, other times to stay angry. It's also one of those things that I feel that I need to share with as many people as possible because this is what we get when the left-wing wins elections. Total and complete insanity. Drafting a law regarding something when she doesn't even know what that something is? WTF! This kind of shit makes absolutely no sense at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the right-wing doesn't have its fair share of fucked up politicians, because they do. It's just that the left has far more of them on a regular basis, and the libtards that vote for 'em don't even care. People like this are determining what we can or cannot do, or have, or say in this country. What's next?

This is so mind boggling that I'm still in shock hours after first watching it.

"The shoulder thing that goes up..." BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

I have to give the MSNBC guy a 'cheers' for at least being persistent and not letting her dodge the question like she tried doing. It's pretty obvious that he knew that she didn't have a fucking clue what a barrel shroud was, but wanted her to say that she didn't know. I fucking love it! Too bad for him though; I'm sure he got his pink slip and was filing for unemployment the following day after asking such an unfair question to such an important Congresscunt.

I looked for her quote when she said that only the military and law enforcement should be able to have [high] capacity magazines but I couldn't find it. Believe me or don't. It really doesn't matter because that video above pretty much speaks for itself.

I swiped the Youtube clip and the motivational hilarity from this guy who I found when I Google'd McCunthy's answer to the barrel shroud question. Looks like I have another blog to check out daily...

Got Meat?

2011-12-12T17:03:00.004-06:00

My buddy popped him a nice eight point whitetail this morning from his office chair (that's a pretty sweet deer blind) and called me up to check it out. He took it over to the taxidermist to cape out for him. He called me again from there and asked me if I wanted the meat. Well Fuck yeah I want the meat!! I just dropped the hind and front quarters off at the processor. So, in about a month I will have a freezer full of 15# smoked sausage, 15# pan sausage and 15# of hamburger. Unfortunately he kept the backstrap. Which is cool with me seeing as I am getting a shitload of meat for doing jack diddly shit.

No Ticket

2011-12-12T16:48:00.000-06:00

Reminded me of a scene from my favorite Indiana Jones movie.

F.O.D.: Special Edition, Mr. Rogers Style

2011-12-12T01:16:00.028-06:00

You know you might be the worst President in the history of the world when even the most tolerant, compassionate, caring and flaming socialistic pacifist liberal known to mankind, the late Fred Rogers, comes back from the dead to give you the bird. I can't ever remember hearing Mr. Rogers swear, but if he did he would say, "Happy Fuck Obama Day!"

I am 99.9% confident that if Mr. Rogers were alive today, he would not modify this song that he wrote in 1970, so I thought I would do it for him. Ya know, it's good practice in case I get that job writing children's books when I get to Texas...

There are many ways that I say Fuck YOU!

There are many ways that I say Fuck YOU!
There are many ways to say I hate you.
Many ways, many ways,
Many ways that I say Fuck YOU!

There's the singing way to say Fuck YOU!
There's the singing something libtards always get to hear.
The singing way, the singing way,
The singing way that I say Fuck YOU!

Cleaning all my guns I say Fuck YOU!
Buying more ammo before I have to.
Making special pictures for F.O.D. Mondays
There's so many ways.

You'll find many ways that I say Fuck YOU!
You'll find many ways to understand what hate is.
Many ways, many ways,
Many ways that I say Fuck YOU!

Blogging, reading, voting, libtard exposing,
Fuck YOU!

There Are Many Ways to Say Fuck YOU!
By CharlieDelta
© 2011

As fucked up and twisted as Mr. Rogers was, living in his little socialist Utopian world of Kumbeya and "everyone is equal and special", I always admired the way that he grabbed the attention of little kids when he was showing them how different products were made. It's a great way for kids to learn how the real world really is outside of that "progressive" wet dream of a neighborhood where there is nothing but world peace, rainbows and fucking unicorns. Some of these episodes were, and still are, very useful for a small child. Like this episode where Mr. Rogers shows the little booger-eatin' bastards a video of how to make hose...

HAPPY F.O.D.

Jesus Christ!

2011-12-11T19:18:00.003-06:00

The wife and I went Christmas shopping this afternoon. we went into this seasonal store that had opened in one of the vacant store fronts. The dude has some pretty cool prints, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, patriotic stuff and then this one caught my eye. I guess Jesus was Jamaican. I have not laughed so hard in a fucking long time.

For the Poll

2011-12-10T15:46:00.002-06:00

Yes, yes they did.

FRIEDay Jams: Welcome Home

2011-12-09T19:01:00.008-06:00

For my two soon to be Texan brothers.

Some dickhole made this one so you can't embed it. "I don't wear no Stetson but I'm willing to bet son that I'm as big a Texan as you are". Yup...

Duh Bro Gotta Go!

2011-12-09T02:10:00.009-06:00

This is one of those guys that Blackman and Robbin and virtually everyone on the Left loves to refer to as an "Uncle Tom", "republican slave", or something derogatory like that to discredit negative commentary about Cooncracker in Chief. Nothing scares them more than the rising number of black folks that aren't subscribing to the Dimocrat bullshit lies any longer. They aren't buying the bullshit lies of Blackman and Robbin either, and to that I say, "right on!"

New Doctor

2011-12-08T13:03:00.000-06:00